i desperately want to quit alcohol

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I am a 38 year old male,for the past 20 years I have had w problem with alcohol. I started off as a social drinker but quickly started drinking so much I could not remember anything.the next few days after my being drunk I was terrified of seeing people who had been there that night in case I had upset or angered them.

Unfortunately to 3 days ago I have still been getting drunk off my head but now mainly in the house.I start off with 4 cans thinking I'll be OK but quickly becomes 8,12....

I am also on medications for anxiety which I think is due to alcohol.

I still worry for up to a week after getting drunk and hate it.

I have a beautiful fiance of 7 years,she doesn't like me drinking so much but tolerates it as she doesn't see the anxiety and pain its causing me.

I have lost numerous jobs due to it,for not turning in as am hungover.

After the binges I always seek to get help and quit drinking but then when the anxiety and fear are gone I think I'll be OK to have "just" 4 beers and the whole horrible cycle starts again.

I have never wrote my feelings before but I think now enough is enough and I am determined to quit this evil drug forever!!!!it has caused me so much pain that I hate it..

Does anybody else have the same or similar experience??

Have you been successful?

Any motivation or advice would be extremely appreciated..

Am gonna make sure I don't drink again.

By the way when I don't drink for a few days I feel good....

Thank you..

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Alan, I'm an alcoholic too and have been sober for the last 9 days. I know exactly what you are going through, its good you recognize you have a problem as that is the first hurdle. There is plenty of help and support out there, and good advice on how you can stop the cycle. Most alcoholic suffer from anxiety issues. I did too. Once you quit it will stop,  trust me! Try looking at a website call Sober Recovery. It has hundreds of members all over the world who are in the same situtaion. It has helped me a great deal an I feel strong enough to confront my problem and give up the booze completely. You need to learn the tools to equip you in changing your habits. I know its daunting thinking you will never have a drink again, boring even! However, you need to understand how you can change your thought pattern around booze and find motivation from within yourself. A book which also helped me (dont worry its short and to the point) is The Recovery Formula. Its written by Beth Burgess who is a recovering alcoholic and anxiety sufferer, She has been sober for many years now and the book really helps you to understand why you repeat this vicious cycle of self destruction......Good luck -  you can do this!
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    • Posted

      Hi ttiff..thanks a lot for replying.thankyou too for the info...

      Desperately want to stop now before it gets worse.

      Good luck to you 2...

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    • Posted

      hi tiff you have taken the words out of my mouth, you have just said it all, i have been dry now for 2yrs it does get better but you still have to be very wary i wish you and alan04144 the very best of luck for the future
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  • Posted

    Hi al5aph49 - its always good to hear from someone who is past that first year in recovery. It gives addicts like alan and I hope that its possible. alan04144 dont give up, get all the help you can get and be deterimned. Don't beat yourself up if you slip, just get back on it....remember you can give yourself a million and one excuses to drink and all seem very viable at the time, dont they? Try to remind yourself how crap it makes you feel after a binge, write it down, read it when you get that overwhelming urge to 'just have that one drink' again. All the very best to both of you wink
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  • Posted

    Alan, you didn't say what happens in the first few hours after you stop drinking. Do you have withdrawal symptoms? If you are physically dependent on alcohol, you need medical help to stop drinking, you should never try and stop drinking without help as alcohol withdrawal symptoms can be extremely dangerous and even kill a person. If you find yourself drinking to avoid the discomfort of stopping, you really need some help. It sounds like you are binge drinking and having breaks between, but is that really the case or are you topping up between binges?
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