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I did it!

Posted , 7 users are following.

Talullah
Talullah

I told the man that I've become very fond of that I would like to see if we can have a relationship together and he said he's very interested. Then had to tell him about the herpes and I chickened out and left his house.....and then walked back and said I needed to tell him something because I want the relationship to be open and honest, no secrets and I didn't want to hurt him - I have genital herpes. He doesn't know anything about it so we spoke a bit and I told him that I don't want to infect him when we get to the stage that we want to have sex so we would have to be very careful as it is so contagious. I also told him that many people are infected but because they have no symptoms, yet, they don't know they have it and they could have an outbreak at any time in the future. I also said that if, after he learned more about it, he wanted to call it off, I would understand; he told me he didn't think that would happen.

So take courage, everyone, it can be done and it doesn't always mean instant rejection. There is hope for all of us.

3 likes, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • scott1776
    scott1776 Talullah

    Posted

    Nice story Talullah... 

    I think that if someone really, truley cares about the other person, that HSV-2 wouldn't be something that stopped them from being with you... 

    If you look at it ... It's a good measuring stick to see if the person you're intrested in actually cares for you. If the answer was to be no, then it's probably better that they aren't going to be in your life anyway! 

    Great story ... 

    S

  • Sassy2543
    Sassy2543 Talullah

    Posted

    I'm so happy to hear that he was so understanding! I just found out that I have GH a month ago. I definitely went through the phases of hating myself and wanting to die. The worst part was the fact that I had met a guy that I was interested in. I just recently told him that I had herpes last week. That was the hardest and most nerve-wracking thing that I ever had to do. I was constantly in tears and put myself through so much stress leading up to telling him. When I finally told him, he just laughed at me and asked me why I stressed myself out about that. He accepted me regardless! smile  

    It's good to hear that people are overcoming this minor nuisance every day. I've even noticed that having GH has influenced me to change my diet, drink less alcohol, and see a guy for the kind of man he is on the inside and not just how good looking he is....so who's to say that this isn't a blessing in disguise?! 

    My only concern is the transmission of it. I still don't quite understand the likelihood of transmitting it to my boyfriend because the research seems to vary so much on the internet. It's my only concern and fear.

     I'm glad that everything is working out! Keep your head up! smile

    • Talullah
      Talullah Sassy2543

      Posted

      Hi Sassy, telling him was very hard but I tried to do what a guy in a youtube piece said: that telling him is because you actually care about him and don't want to hurt him by keeping it a secret and then infecting him. I didn't manage that all of the time because all that wants to come out of your mouth is how horrible you feel and embarrassed and soiled etc. So I only managed a combination but also told him that a high percentage of people have it and so many just don't have symptoms - yet! They think they're clear but they are harbouring the little bugger somewhere and it's just waiting.......

      Regarding the research - I've read a couple of sites that say you are contagious ALL of the time but if I think about my marriage - I was married for 26 years and started with only cold sores. I think I passed it on to my ex through oral sex (but who knows, maybe he already had a dormant virus from his previous girlfriends!) and then I started lesions genitally quite a few years later. But in all the time of our marriage, he never had a cold sore. The research seems to say that you will pass the infection on from the site of your outbreak to where your skin contacts the other person's - really bad english, sorry. So through kissing, during sex, I never passed it on to him because I was very careful when I felt the tingle start, not to kiss him or my children and neither of them have cold sores either.

      I think the main answer is to just be super-vigilante and not do anything intimate the minute you just feel slightly anything down there. Good luck for the future.

    • Sassy2543
      Sassy2543 Talullah

      Posted

      I agree that telling a man shows that you do care. He thought it was funny because I spent 2 weeks researching and working a speech and a grand exit for when I told him because, in my mind, he was supposed to be shocked and reject me. Lol. But when he was so open minded about it, I was upset that I couldn't give my speech. He thought it was the funniest thing. Lol

      As for the transmission,  I feel like you can still transfer it when you don't have symptoms, but the risk is low. My doctor didn't do blood work to see if I had hsv 1 or 2 but I'm thinking that it's 2. I'm still getting used to the idea of having it so sex is uncomfortable to me right now due to my fears. I especially don't allow him to perform oral on me even though he really wants to. I will get to the point when it's comfortable again, especially since I'm taking daily suppressants.... it will just take time. smile

    • toni24814
      toni24814 Sassy2543

      Posted

      I agree with you Sassy2543...The information out there is very confusing. I have GH and I'm afraid to kiss my boyfriend of 17 years or have sex with him...I've pushed him away emotionally since I found out I had it (3 weeks ago).

      I would like a website that gives specific information about Herpes and sexual activity. What exactly can one do or not do with GH. By the way my partner is waiting on his test results from his doctor as well.

  • ashlyn3328
    ashlyn3328 Talullah

    Posted

    i recentlywent to a doctor and was told i may have herpes, still waiting fort he blood test to come back, but i had the symptoms and everything. i was reading the discussion, talullah how long did it take you before you got the courage to tell him? And sassy, what do you mean about feeling a tingle?
    • Talullah
      Talullah ashlyn3328

      Posted

      Hi Ashlyn. I watched a video on youtube about how to have "the dreaded conversation" (I think I did post the link somewhere on the forum). This guy said that instead of approaching it from a "I'm dirty and horrible and ashamed blah blah blah" you should take it from the standpoint that if you are going to try a relationship, it needs to be clean and honest, right from the beginning, and you don't want to deliberately hurt the other person so, because you have feelings for them, which are reciprocated, you would like to let them know as soon as possible. I didn't manage all of that - a bit of a mixture - but I knew that they way I felt, if it carried on much longer, I would be too emotionally involved in that if he wasn't interested, I would be hurt. So I asked him, after a couple of weeks, if he would like to take our friendship to a relationship and he said yes. And then I did it. It was only about 8 weeks of seeing him regularly, on a friendship basis, but I could see that from my side, I wanted to take it to a relationship. And also I just couldn't bear the embarrassment of admitting to it when we were a lot further into the relationship and the hurt if he should then back out. Secrets are NEVER a good thing!!!!!
  • lindsay58733
    lindsay58733 Talullah

    Posted

    That's great to hear how well it went for you Talullah :-) As others have said, the reaction you get can be a very good indication of how that person really feels about you. 
  • debs35500
    debs35500 Talullah

    Posted

    I'm new to this forum so be kind smile 

    This year I've had a shock to the system. In short, got GH in late teens, been completely OB-free for 20+ yrs including marriage of over 10 yrs. Marriage broke down a few years ago. Out of the blue I met a lovely guy. However after a few months with him I got my first - bad - OB and have been struggling with them ever since (triggered with sex it seems). It knocked me for six (cruel joke!) and brought all the horrible feelings back but I too was able to be upfront with my man. I was also really happily surprised to find he wasn't that bothered - I had expected it would mean the end. Still struggling to get things under control and it's really not easy but we're still together smile 

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