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I don’t know how to control myself I messed up

Posted , 4 users are following.

Anon1234321
Anon1234321

I messed up badly. I thought mania felt wonderful so triggered it and now I’m really going through it. 

I think I’m hypomanic not full blown manic. Sleeping around which is making me feel s**t and ended up ODing on paracetamol the other day. Vomited 3 hours after though so think I got it up but have a banging headache now. 

I don’t know how to control myself idk if this is bipolar or just me being off the rails? I impulsively published a book about it. Applied for a masters degree I can’t afford for pay for. Stopped going to work and told HR to go f**k themselves so think I’ve lost my job. 

Think I’m crashing but don’t know how to control this hypersexuality which is still present bc I haven’t yet crashed. Don’t know if this is a mixed sTate???

My psychiatrist said I’m still lucid and it’s just hypo anxiety bc I’m on my meds so my psychiatrist and nurse are doing nothing.

I did this to myself and I’m out of control and I don’t know how to get my life back in control. 

Any advice on how to tame this myself without the help of psych and nurse bc they’re just not helping. 

I feel so stupid because I did this to myself. 

I need advice on how to control this. I have insight so it’s not like completely bad. does it sound like bipolar or am I just off the rails? Advice? Please don’t shout I’m sensitive right now. 

2 likes, 13 replies

13 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever Anon1234321

    Posted

    Karen

    You need to respect yourself, you will never do that by sleeping around. It does sound in a restricted light you are Manic because of the impulsive behaviour you are showing and the possible regret of these dangerous actions you partake in.

    The taking of excessive Paracetamol even in a moderate dose can prove a real health problem that will not show straight away if any damage to your health becomes about. It would seem you have been given a warning by your headaches and vomiting. If these problems persist over the next four or five days, you will need to take medical advice as large doses of this drug can cause internal bleeding.

    Personally I also feel you are stupid you may be on the pathway of some form of self destruction, regards Paacetamol, you need to approach your life in a more circumspect way and follow the advice of those Health Professionals around you.

    Personally I feel you are impulsive and you need to understand why you are like this, are there any reasons in your past that is making you this way ? To know that you will be able to help yourself and gain respect for yourself

    BOB

    • Anon1234321
      Anon1234321 borderriever

      Posted

      My boyfriend of four years broke up with me because I was trying to reach elation again and then I beggged him to get back with me. Then went off the rails and I told him I didn’t wanna be with him anymore because I wanted to hoe about. So it think breaking off an4 year relationship might be effecting me in some way. My best friend of 10 years killed herself about 2 years ago and I’m on and off the rails since. I had everything together before that happened. Now I’m up and down like a yo-yo and I don’t think I’ll have organ failure it wasn’t a suicidal attempt I’ve only tried to kill my self twice before and never died because I don’t think it’s in God’s plan for me to die young like I just can’t die at all 

      I might call my nurse Monday and tell him I don’t know how to control my impulses but I’m scared because I don’t want to end up in hospital I always get attacked in hospitals for some reason proablt because I’m so loud and outrageous but I don’t know I feel stupid reaching out for help because I’ve done this to myself and sometimes I feel so amazing it’s hard to reach out because if I feel so good what am I reaching out for? I’m pmsing at the minute and that makes me a bit off the rails too 

      I had a fairly normal childhood so it’s nothing from my childhood that has made me like this I mean I’m not usually like this so idk what’s going on with me maybe I’m just off the rails a bit 

    • johnkov
      johnkov Anon1234321

      Posted

      Karen, you were warned that trying to trigger mania was not the best idea and you decided to do it anyway. Reading about your symptoms I think that the safest place for you to be right now is an inpatient ward - you need to have your medications sorted out, possibly starting a mood stabiliser and withdrawing fluoxetine. I understand that you don't like hospitals but there are moments in our lives when we need to do the right thing, even if we don't feel too comfortable about it.

    • Anon1234321
      Anon1234321 johnkov

      Posted

      I know I’m such an idiot. I just wanted to see my dead best friend also and have realised I don’t want that anymore but it hasn’t happened anyway. I need to move on but I think about her every day. I think turning to God has helped me find some sort of peace within it all because I want to be a better person for Him and because of Him. I try not to sleep around but I feel addicted to sex but maybe it’s just my period coming I don’t know. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. The smell of food makes me nauseas. I used to have anorexia and I’m worried my ED tendencies are becoming triggered even though I’ve been free of it for years. When I can’t eat I become obsessed with my weight again. I can’t go into hospital because in  some way I keep thinking maybe if I can get a hold of the impulsivity I can control this but I don’t know. I regret publishing my book but idk how to take it down and 13 ppl have already read about my life and now I feel like everyone is talking about me behind my back and judging me and I’m so embarrassed but I need to learn to control myself I know that at least. I think in  God I can find myself and maybe this is just part of His plan for me and maybe things will work out in the end. My mum said I need to get my liver checked so she’s making a drs appointment for me tomorrow bc my stomach is bloated and sore even though I can’t eat and I’m always nauseas. I don’t think I’ll die though bc it’s jusg not part of God’s plan for me. I need to beat this on my own and turning to God I feel more confident that maybe I can actually do that somehow. I’m going to try some alternative medicines maybe 
    • borderriever
      borderriever Anon1234321

      Posted

      Karen

      Talk to your Councillor and explain what has happened regards your boyfriend and explain how you are feeling, make a list of everything you have been thinking about, also any cause and effect that is causing your mood etc

      Good Luck, If needed I am here

      BOB

    • Anon1234321
      Anon1234321 borderriever

      Posted

      Thank you I’m going to phone my nurse tomorrow if I can work up the courage to do it that is 
    • borderriever
      borderriever Anon1234321

      Posted

      Karen good luck with that, you have no worries your nurse will be very supportive and understanding.

      Let us know how you get on

      BOB

    • Anon1234321
      Anon1234321 borderriever

      Posted

      I called today and felt like it was quite awkward telling a male nurse about the things that I’ve been doing. I’ve definitely crashed from the high I’ve been on so he’s going to see if there’s anything he can do about upping my lamotragine which is prescribed for low mood. I feel so stupid now that I’ve admitted everything to him because I’ve done this to myself. But hopefully the medication can be sorted. 
  • Anon1234321
    Anon1234321

    Posted

    And to make everything worse I keep impulsively posting and bragging about sex on my Instagram but I’ve tried to stop myself now because people are indirectly calling me a slut and talking about me behind my back i know they are I don’t know what I’m doing with my life anymore I have like 500+ people who now know almost every detail of my sexual life 
    • joseph_80622
      joseph_80622 Anon1234321

      Posted

      Karen I don't know you, not trying to get layed, just trying to help.  Take care of yourself first, f**k what people say or think. Your priorities are get well.  Stop behavior that was caused by ingesting things that you will not repeat. Buy the Serpina in case you need it for something.  If need be change your name.

      contact old job and tell them you were given something that wasn't for your headache or someone you met slipped pills into your drink and you have been living a nightmare and doing things you never thought of.  Tell them your better now and seeing a doctor and need your job back.  If you ruined your credit that's a different thing,nYOU can call me and I will advise you on your options.  Again, I have no ulterior thoughts.  I reside in California, thanks, best of luck.

  • Anon1234321
    Anon1234321

    Posted

    I’m very drunk my nurse didn’t help I’m just drunk about to have sex lager and will hate mhsl f tomorrow but read my book lmaoooo why am I like this I’m off the rails I need help mint throw myself off a scarf holding feel like the birds ar Callig me to fly with them I could fly I’m out of control but I have insight I need help no one is helping I can’t help myself I don’t know what to do anymore 
    • Anon1234321
      Anon1234321

      Posted

      Just wanted to update that I’m quite stable right now. Up and down a bit but managing. So embarrassed by my drunk post. Off alcohol. Off weed. Weaning myself off coffee. Off all the substances that triggered mania or hypomania or whatever it was I was experiencing. Learnt my lesson from abusing substances that trigger me to be unwell. Going to a bipolar support group today and hopefully getting referred to therapy to stop these self destructive habits I have. Peace and love x 
  • joseph_80622
    joseph_80622 Anon1234321

    Posted

    Karen listen carefully.  I want you to purchase SERPINA from eBay or Amazon on line. It is very inexpensive. Originally developed for hypertension, but years later they learn that it helps with anxiety, insomnia, manic.  No RX needed,you get 100 pills. NI recommend you immediately take 3 pills in morning and 3 at night.  Once your sleeping an back to normal then I suggest you take 2 pills 3X daily.  Morning, afternoon, evening.  With or without food is okay. I am not a Dr., however I have 11 yrs of learning about meds because my son has schizophrenia, OCD .  I will repeat what I hear all the time, consult a Dr., most conventional Dr's know nothing about alternative meds, therefore they don't know what to tell you. Conventional meds treat symptoms only with major side effects. Alternatives treat root of problem .  You will be find. They are not addictive. Google Serpina (rauwolfia) or snakeroot.  You can thank me later, now get well.  Joseph 80622

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