I don't know how to stop regressing in verbal aruments.

I dont think you are regressing. I think you are very busy holding yourself together and when an arguement occurs its like an overfilled balloon and that like letting out the air so you dont pop. Does that make sense. Like a release valve. What i think can help is maybe going to therapy to address the initial anxiety/depressive issues that keep you so on the edge to begin with. They are still there. It is impressive you are even aware of all this at 21 and taking ownership of it. 

Maja

Try Breathing Techniques, and Relaxation Technique, Mindfulness. Both of each instructions can be found on the Internet.

You can also breath into a paper bag if you Hypoventilate, you will find the rebreathing of used gases in your breath will bring down your breathing to a more normal rate.

If you end up in a heated arguement before you reply take in a breath and breath out slow, as you do this count 1-3

Generally if your problem is Depression or Anxiety you should see your Family Doctor

BOB

Maja

I have never heard someone your age articulate their battle better.

Your "outbursts" is just your psyche forcing you to let off steam just like Lisa said. You are not exhibiting regression at all.

To better 'control' your 'outbursts' you will need to really try to figure out what exactly you feel when this happens. This can be seen as digging up the root causes. One plus in your situation is that we already seem to know what the trigger is. This is helpfully your family. So root cause can't be far from that

To get to the bottom of it it is necessary to understand your upbringing. Have you been heavily criticized, yelled at or harshly disciplined or alternatively not seen your parents/caretakers much while growing up? Have you been belittled or dismissed? Have you felt unable to express yourself to either of your parents? Other issues? Anything that you find particularly sore or uncomfortable is where your story truly begins.

What was the cause of your teen depression?

Your reactions arereally an indication of your capability, underlying strength and readiness to move to the next level. I would like to make it clear that this is NOT pep talk I am giving you. Everything you said makes it clear that you are just outgrowing your old shell and while this is uncomfortable it is so natural - also it leads you to a better place inside and out

Maintaining composure during arguments with those closest to us is not easy for most, let alone a young person still reeling from effects of early depression and anxiety and working hard to keep it together as you are!

Clearly there are things in there that still need diffusing and working through. No rush, you will deal with this when you are good and ready though.

I am so sorry you do not have access to therapy. But I get the impression that if you use that beautiful clear vision and mind you can start getting yourself up to a position of better comfort and greater self-respect.

On that note - be a bit patient with yourself. You sound more frustrated at yourself for not maintaining composure than you are at the fact that you spent your teens battling depression and your family makes you uncomfortable about how you feel when you do 'lose it'. Not being mean about them. Just putting things into some perspective. Explore rather why you feel the way you do with them and let composure slowly grow as it most certainly will.

Here to brainstorm or just listen whenever you are in the mood.

x 

 

I struggle with this too. Now I'm not going to tell you that you will always be able to control it, but it gets better as you get older. I'm 28 now and I recently had a cry-fest with my professor who had to help me and claimed her disappointment in me. Disappointment is my trigger. I agree about the balloon theory that lisalisa67 described. I grew up in a rural area that had no mental health counselors so I get it... now, this is what I do...

Try to think of yourself in second person (step out of our body so to speak). Analyze your self briefly, analyze the others in the conversations. Ask yourself this question: "What are they saying?" "Maybe they didn't mean to say that in that way?" ... then ask the person to pause for a moment so that you can reevaluate your approach. It's really challenging but if you do this in every conversation, it is easier to do it in tough conversations where emotions are high. It also helps to repeat what they said in your own words. For example:

"Let me make sure that we are on the same page. You said_____ meaning that ______." Speak calmly. Also remember to breathe!

Hope this helps.

Hi,

Is there any way either one of your parents can listen to how you feel when you cry without judging you. The last thing you need is a judgement from your nearest and dearest.

Could you explain to them your frustrations that result from these having these arguments?

If not is there a friend u trust or sibling who you could firstly share this with?

Phil

Maja

You are not a child, we do not know in what context the arguement is about. Sometimes just walking away is the best action. If the argument is heated it is generally best to keep your voice low and not shout, if you can do that the anger shown by the other peson s can sometimes calm and if they are still shouting  that should calm them. When people shout they are many times not knowing what they are saying, things are said in anger and that is no good.

Try Breathing , Techniques, they can be found on the Web, to pause and control your breathing will give you time to work on an answer before you reply, if your voice and breathing are controlled your reply will be more thought out. and generally the person should calm as well

If You start crying, you have shown a weakness and that can make the peson look at you as childish, so it is important you can control this anger and flustration.

BOB

BOB