I don't know if I have an eating disorder, if so what should I do?

Hi lovely. 

Thanks for posting, it sounds like you're really struggling, and I'm sorry to hear that you've had such difficulties with body image and food.

First of all, for your height and weight you are actually at the low end of healthy, which is great. A BMI of 20 is what the lowest should really be; it was only recently extended to include other ethnic groups (and in that 19 is the absolute minimum for healthy).

One of the real starting points for my eating disorder was not being able to recognise my female figure developing.

Because I started starve-binge from adolescence, I developed body dsymorphia alongside and constantly saw myself as signficantly larger than I actually was.

There are a couple of pointers I can help you with; first if you want to keep your weight low, breakfast is medically proven to keep your weight low. So definitely have a good breakfast in the morning.

Secondly, the main reason for bingeing is because your body is craving high energy foods (you will be experiencing this after a period of starvation).

When you binge, you feel emotionally unstable, and want to remove everything, but actually that doesn't work because your food has already started digesting...

To solve this problem, try eating small meals (with carbs, such as lentils, carrots/butternut squash etc.) at regular intervals.

You should be aiming for 2000 calories a day, but try not to focus on the calories, just on the balance of what you are eating. If you are not particularly energetic you can probably get away with less, but if you are doing lots of exercise, you will definitely need more than 2000.  That's the amount you need per day just to keep you going!

Diet pills are a con - if they worked then they would be available on the NHS on mass to tackle the country's obesity problem. The science jargon they indicate is a load of rubbish, companies will do anything to try and sell you stuff. Worse still they can cause heart arrhythmias.

Laxatives are extremely dangerous. I nearly died. Don't take them, they mess with your potassium levels, and they really don't make you lose weight - only water which tricks you into thinking you've lost weight when you step on the scales.

Sweety, you don't need to lose any weight.

Please speak to a GP, or the big white wall and try and get some support. You are worth more than this.

I'll try and write some more later in the week - or see some of my other responses for guidance.

Hiya - because you are 18, your GP does not need to inform your parents.

You can go in complete confidence.

Your GP will only break your confidence if he/she believes you are endangering life or the life of someone else.

At this stage I would recommend making a double appointment so that you have long enough to talk through your difficulties.  Is there anyone you do trust, that you can tell who you don't mind coming along with you.

I know from experience it can be very difficult disclosing something as big as this, so even if you have a friend with you, that may help.

It may also help if you write down what you would like to say beforehand.

Your GP is the best place to get help first, because he/she can provide access to support.

However there is support via the BigWhiteWall 24/7

B-eat and young minds are also really helpful during working hours.

And NHS 111 or your local crisis line will also be there if you are in desperation.

Remember you are not alone.

(Here to help!)

One thing though...my eating disorder began when I was 11 - I kept it from my parents till I was 17, and by which time had become critically unwell.

I had lost so much as a result of my eating disorder. I didn't think I'd be taken seriously if I asked for help at 11, and then kept putting it off because there was a music course, or a holiday, or an exam. In the end if I hadn't told, my organs might have failed.

It was HORRIBLE telling my mum, but once I did I had their support. It was like an extra blanket.

So, it may be a painful process for you, but it is really worth it in the long run.

 

Oh no! That's such a shame. Maybe mention getting a referral to the BWW to you doctor. It's not fair that it's not offered everywhere. You could try a few London postcodes and see if they work...?

Hopefully getting help will deal with some of the issues that are causing disordered thinking. You mentioned that losing a bit of weight will get you underweight.

Why do you need to be underweight? Actually being underweight is just as harmful as being overweight - where you are now is healthy.

Healthy is good. 

We often have our views distorted about what is normal and what is healthy due to what the media think is healthy.

If the doctors had control of the papers and magazines, perhaps society would be a lot better off! 

I know it's not as straightforward as altering your mindset, but your weight is healthy, and losing weight is a bad thing.

One tip that works for me is a positive mirror. I stick cut outs and postit notes onto a pretty cardboard box I made (and tin foil for the mirror) with things I like about me, image and personality. I remind myself of the goals I have in life and my motivations.

It's quite fun to make too.

Life can be stressful so reminding yourself of how awesome you are is really positive.

It sounds like you're at the beginning of an eating disorder. It starts off how you've described. You start cutting more foods out, start to up the exercise. Like you say, at first it feels hard to purge but then you learn which foods are best for it. It's great that you've caught it early. I think you should perhaps see a counsellor to talk about it and be aware of your faulty food thoughts. I don't believe there is anything wrong in getting to 9 1/2 stone as long as it stops there and you get there slowly instead a quick fix which will end up as an addiction. The best cycle you've broken is the secrecy. Keeping it to yourself only feeds it. I hope you're ok