1. Community
  2. Pregnancy and newborn
  3. Pregnancy and Genetic Disorders

I don't know if I should have an abortion 😔

Posted , 9 users are following.

Toratara
Toratara

Hi, I am 26 and have a 6 year old son. I have been with my partner my sons dad on/off for 10 years. The relationship has been a very mentally abusive relationship. We split for 2 years during those 10 years and after some time apart decided we had grown up and was going to try again. This was 6 months ago. Everything was great. I had my implant removed due to side affects and switched to the pill. During my switch I fell pregnant. Before finding out I am pregnant I discovered my partner was cheating and called time on our relationship once and for all. I now know I am pregnant (very early stages) I have told him and he suggested I have a termination and then blocked my number completely. I feel as though it would be best for me and my son if I had a termination and we moved forward with our lives together without his dad or any other links for his dad to hold on to. As he is a trouble maker and picks and chooses when he feels like popping into my life again which is usually just to see what I'm doing and nothing to do with wanting to be a father. So I'm feeling like I shouldn't go ahead with the pregnancy and should start afresh. However I am feeling overwhelming guilt because I had an abortion in my younger years and feel at my age it is embarrassing and stupid of me. Even though I didn't know I would end up in this situation of course. My sons dad has never contributed financially and I struggle as it is. He also lives an hour and a half away and doesn't help out much. He never takes his son out just them 2 for quality time things like that. He's just not that way inclined. I just thought I'd see if I could get some advice of anyone. I know ultimately it's my decision and my decision alone but if there's anyone who's been in a similar situation who could send some words of encouragement that would help immensely!

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Ginagirl
    Ginagirl Toratara

    Posted

    Let me remind you that is life inside you and is precious.. I have seen many woman suffer spontaneous abortions, Embryos in kidney dishes in the sluice.. There are many woman who can't have children who would dearly love just one let alone two.. To have forced abortions so readily is wrong just because of circumstance.. Sometimes in life we have to deal with the hand we are given..that child would be a sibling for your son, a daughter to you which can be special.. Or brother/playmate for your boy! You can live a life without the Father he sounds a waste of space,  you can get support with children..it sounds very much as if you have not thought this through! Children should come first... If you are married different issuere contact...Unmarried you can get protection against the Father if he is abusive to you or does he need to know ..split but it can't be both ways..Why blame the children for your mistakes... If you are unsure don't do it! Move away start afresh and get extended family support if possible.
    • Toratara
      Toratara Ginagirl

      Posted

      I totally understand what you're saying. I know that none of this is the unborn childs fault. I am fully aware that this is my own fault. I'm just trying to see what's best for me and my son as our support network isn't great. His side of the family have nothing to do with us and my side of the family is rather small and have their own problems. I just don't want to have a baby I can't provide for. But on the other hand id love to give my son a sibling. I have a sister and I'd hate to have been an only child. I have thoughts of waiting and either it being me and my son forever or until I meet someone who actually wants to have a child with me and will support it even if things did go wrong. Am I just setting another child up to be rejected by its father. Will my son miss out on things because il have another mouth to feed. I'd have to leave my job as I struggle with childcare outside of school for the son I already have let alone a baby. I haven't made a decision yet and I will think thoroughly about this and not make any permanent decisions based on temporary emotions, speak to professionals if I need to. I just wanted to see if there was any similar situations out there that could relate. I respect your opinions though and u have given me food for though, thanks x
    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl Toratara

      Posted

      Ultimately this your choice.. You have had an abortion before the more abortions you have the less likely you will be able to get pregnant again as it is always a risk for this sort of intervention. I have had two children + a miscarriage due to Fibroids.. And now have no womb through its removal... Time goes by quickly and you will get old.. We live in a throw away society and seem to put ourselves before our unborn children.. Have the child and have the child Fostered..until your life takes a better path..we can always find excuses but blood is thicker than water... The father should provide financially, but due to his abusive nature get Protection Under restraining order. I think you will regret it...
    • Toratara
      Toratara Ginagirl

      Posted

      Thank u for your reply.. I am still unsure atm but I am starting to digest it and thinking clearer. I am going to confide in some close family (once I have the balls coz they hate my ex and will no doubt be disappointed) and get some support around me in helping me make the best decision for my babe. Thanks again xxxx
    • Ginagirl
      Ginagirl Toratara

      Posted

      Your Mum will understand and want to help you..God bless you I take it you are in the UK... There is a good social network to help Mums like you and with your own Mother giving emotional support I am sure you can work it out...this is your child love it and protect it at all costs .. It will love you back and that is something you can't buy,  even without much money...
  • claire10653
    claire10653 Toratara

    Posted

    Hi,I think you know a termination would be best ,do you really want to be a single parent to two children and have continued abuse I `m sure you are a lovely mum to your son and you need to think of the future for your son and yourself don`t let the father bully you  and you shouldn`t feel guilty.
    • Toratara
      Toratara claire10653

      Posted

      Thank u for replying to my post. I am unsure still. It's so hard!! But I am going to tell my mum and get some support in helping me make the best decision for me and my babe. I know only I can decide but even at my age I know I need my mum so I'm gonna stop being chicken and speak with her soon. Thanks ever so much for the help xxxx
  • jo92737
    jo92737 Toratara

    Posted

    Hey, Toratara. I know you fell guilty, and maybe unsure, but may I remind that Jesus loves you no matter what? Yes, maybe you've made mistakes, but just because of that doesn't mean you should end the life of your child! This child is a blessing, an opportunity for healing. I want you to know that Jesus died just for you, to save you from all the sins you've committed, and at the inevitable end of the world, to make you perfect with Him. Because og him you don't have to live in sin, He will wipe your slate clean. As for your baby, did you know that his/her little heart is probably already beating? Already, legs and arms are forming, eyes and a very primitive spine! This is a little person inside you! How amazing is that! I know things may seem rough for you right now, but this a person, and if you choose to keep this child, there will be people who want to help you. I want to help you! If you are interested in finding free healthcare/opportunities,/pregnancy resource clinics/adoption options, in your area, please just reply back to me and I will do everything within my power and God's to help you in this time. 

     Ultimately though, it all comes down to accepting Christ as your savior. That is how you can truly start afresh. Living your life for yourself, you will always be followed by the past, and you will never get free. Jesus offers that freedom you want. He wants to help you, and so do I. Please reply to me if you want help  with this baby, or with new life. I will answer back! In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ I promise to help you i any way I can!

  • vicky52889
    vicky52889 Toratara

    Posted

    Hi,

    Consider how you would feel if you miscarried now. Would you be sad or would it be a relief? That might help you decide how you really feel about the baby. Raising a baby is hard, especially by yourself, and I certainly wouldn't blame you for choosing a termination. That said if you do decide to go down that route it's probably better to make a decision quickly and do it in the early stages. Ultimately it's your decision and you shouldn't feel guilty for making the right choice for you and your son. Good luck xx

  • amy37643
    amy37643 Toratara

    Posted

    PLEASE DONT. BELIEVE ME YOU WILL REGRET IT. I had one. And I wish I hadnt. I love my daughter now, but I wish my first baby was here with us. It was a relief at first, but even going there it was scary. Knowing what they do to something innocent who was dependent on me for love and protection. Breaks my heart. Sometimes things happen for a reason. But you CAN do this!!!! Please dont! If you decide you don't want the baby, many many people would love your baby! Please consider adoption if you really feel you can't keep your little one. Please.
  • amy37643
    amy37643 Toratara

    Posted

    I am in this situation btw. And there are programs to help you get by financially. Please check your local programs to help single mothers. And consider getting child support assistance from your child's father.
  • Razzleberry
    Razzleberry Toratara

    Posted

    Please get some counseling right away for you and your son as well! There are so many people who aren't able to have children that would give anything for the opportunity be a parent to your unborn child. The pregnancy you abort may well be one of the people our world needs to make positive changes! Speak with an adoption specialist and a grief/trauma counselor before you make this life altering decision. And PRAY for guidance! Sending love light & healing your way...
  • Misssy2
    Misssy2 Toratara

    Posted

    What about adoption? You are going to always get mixed emotions on a web page.

    There are people that are SO against it and there are people who understand that you have made a mistake and not used proper protection to not get pregnant and NOW you are in this position.

    Regardless of your choice...always use protection. 

  • Pammythom
    Pammythom Toratara

    Posted

    What an awful position for you to be in! I feel that every situation is different and you should make your decision for you and your son as it is you two that it will both affect in the future. Whatever decision you make is going to be hard but you need to ask yourself how will you feel in ten years time. Will you look back and regret your decision, whichever one you decide on? I have a niece who got pregnant and never told a sole as she was going to have him adopted out as soon as he was born. When he was born she couldn't do it as she immediately loved him. Write down all of the positives and negatives for each decision and maybe that can help you decide. Good luck with your decision smile
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.