I don’t know if my relationship with my depressed boyfriend is still on

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my boyfriend has depression, he doesn't want to take any medication. recently, he started deleting our pictures together on social media and changed his phone's wallpaper (he used to have pictures of us). despite this, we continued being a couple. then, he started to talk to me less and less. he started ignoring me for days and then talking to me again for a day and then ignoring me for days again. on tuesday, he suddenly texted me "i won't talk to you until next week". this made me feel awful and and sad and confused. i cry everyday and night, i feel sad, angry and confused all the time. yesterday, he texted me that he was feeling happy and productive, but that he doesn't feel loved by me. then he said that talking to me made him depressed and continued accusing me of "not loving him". i asked him when could we talk again and he said "i hope that we don't talk soon" and he proceeded to block me on all social media. i feel so sad since i love him very much despite everything he has done to me. i know depression is a difficult and serious disease and that it makes people to say things they don't really mean. he also said he didn't know if he loves me and that he doesn't care what happens to our relationship. i'm so sad and i don't know if he broke of with me. what can i do?

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry I've suffered depression most my life I am 50 now. During my marriage of 17 years I was very depressed wanted to self harm and got suicidal at times. I never took any medication in 20 years only for a short time. In 2005 I was suicidal so I contacted mental health crisis team and then I was put on medication. Sadly it made me like a zombie I couldnt even cry and then In oct 2018 I attempted suicide after some very bad experiences. So all I can say is there is good and bad to medication. I stopped my anti depressants but am not sleeping well. (mertazaphine helped me sleep but caused weight gain and side effects)

    I hope your boyfriend gets help but you have to recognise you need help.

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  • Posted

    Hi Mariacc,

    This must be so emotionally painful for you. You seem to be a very caring and patient person who is clearly trying to understand his depression though it can be very difficult as it manifests in so many different ways for different people. Basically you're trying to rationalise with your boyfriend who is not thinking in a clear way, no matter how much he's convinced himself he is.

    There may be factors he's behaving this way towards you, fear, shame, self loathing, anger, avoidant and or rejection issues etc which are causing him to become detached.

    It would be easy to say you do not need to put up with this behaviour towards you and it must be confusing to know where you stand. The simplest way in which to deal with this is let him know you're listening to him and explain that if he doesn't want to talk, you will give him space, if he has blocked you, don't try and follow up with phone convos, just let him know if he wants to talk you'll listen however, be firm with yourself that you won't be used as an emotional offload when he feels this way.

    You say he won't take medication which can be dangerous. Can you speak with a family member that he may listen to? People have varying degrees of depression and only a medical mental health professional will be able to assess the severity of him not taking the medication.

    You could offer to go with him just to support. There is lots of help out there i.e.

    Breathing Space UK, Samaritans and therapists. Just don't go through this on your own and hope you too have others you can talk to about it, as all too often we forget about the partners, family and friends of sufferers.

    This is such a hard thing to say though there has to come a time if he continues to be this way toward you and you have tried mostly everything you can, is to leave and ensure he knows that if he needs any support you will be there as as friend. You too have your life to live and as heartbreaking as it may be, you will know you did everything you could.

    There are lots of people in here who have gone through similar and are only willing to listen and be there for you.

    Take care

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    • Posted

      thank you for your reply.

      yes, his family is aware of his depression and they do everything for him to get better. his parents book him appointments with his psychiatrist, his brother and sister hang out with him and everyone in his house are there for anything he needs. he stopped taking his medication because he started feeling nauseous 24/7. the doctor offered him another treatment plan but he just doesn't want help.

      i have always stated that i am there for anything he needs; but since he blocked me, i can't help. i'm not looking for him or pressuring him.

      he won't believe that i love him, even tough i have been there for him 24/7.

      i am still hoping that he will get better and our relationship will continue

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  • Posted

    hey lovely,

    i know exactly how you feel however mine happened in a slightly different way where he started telling me he didnt know if he wanted our relationship and didnt know if he loved me then he had a full panic attack and ended our relationship but still maintains he doesnt know what he wants or how he feels months later.

    whilst hes never said im the reason he feels so down he does the same thing with messages, i might hear from him alot and then boom he stops messaging me back and it will be days, sometimes weeks before i hear from him.

    you noticed its depression alot quicker than i did!

    just be there for him, let him know you care and will try support him as much as you can but dont push because they pull away more!

    i also would be careful with mentioning depression because if he is anything like my guy, when i mentioned it, he got very upset with me and then walked off..they have to be ready and willing to deal with it, it cant be you who suggests it

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    • Posted

      hi! thank you for sharing your experience with me. i'm very confused since he used to talk to me about everything, including his depression. he even asked me to attend with him to the appointments with his psychiatrist.

      i'm always there for him, even when he hurts me. after hurting me, he usually comes back, apologizes and thanks me for being so understanding.

      he's changing, a lot. i don't know if his depression is getting worse or if he just doesn't want me anymore.

      like your boyfriend, mine told me he doesn't care about what happens to our relationship anymore and that he doesn't know if he loves me.

      the worse part is that he blocked me from all social media and won't tell me anything and i can't reach out.

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    • Posted

      honestly i know how hard it is when you love someone so much and they are suffering...

      my boyfriend actually left me but he is still randomly in contact, not very much but its like he cant deal with having feelings whilst feeling depressed

      its heartbreaking... if you wanna chat, dm me, sounds like we are in similar situations

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  • Posted

    I guess what I want to do is urge you to withdraw from this relationship that is hurting you so badly. You owe it to yourself to find a stable partner. This is your precious life; please dont waste another minute of it on unproductive, hurtful situations.

    My whole life I chose men who hurt me in every way imaginable. The explanation for this is that I was and am bipolar depressive and it was this condition that was dictating the choices of partners that I made. If I had been willing to spend time alone with myself and learn about myself and seek out therapy and medication, I would have saved myself before I ruined my entire life.

    Your plane is in a nosedive but it's not too late for you to pull the nose up and correct your course. Let go of this relationship and spend time alone with yourself so that you don't jump into another harmful one.

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