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It feels like I'm depressed but I'm suffering from moments of what I can only describe as small panic episodes. I've suddenly lost meaning to life and struggle to get through my days. When I go to bed, I feel such anxiety and what feels like high anxiety to the point I feel panicked. I pray to fall asleep fast. I used to enjoy life but now I struggle to find meaning and the anxiety takes over me. I'm scared because I see it taking over my life. I was diagnosed bipolar and changed from lithium to latuda. At first, I thought it was great but now I have this terrible anxiety and I feel like I'm going to die. I called my doctor but the office didn't call me back and to top it off, I got a letter that my appointment has been postponed another four weeks. Recently, I lost communication with someone I really care about. I don't know if this is causing my feeling of defeat and loss of motivation. I feel like I'm depressed and everything takes such effort. I have two boys so I'm really good at hiding my feelings and take good care of them but my God, it takes much effort. I feel like I'm dying inside. I am separated from my husband because the love is not there but I made the difficult decision to get back together for the sake of the boys. This could be why I'm also feeling this way. It is horrible and I'm going through it in silence for the most part. I told the boys father I have not been feeling like myself lately. These anxiety attacks are horrible and I don't know what to do. Is it anxiety? Depression? My bipolar? Or the fact I'm going back to someone I don't love and lost someone I do? I don't even know if I'm making sense. I know I have to get over this for my boys! Please, I need advice! I just keep feeling like I don't want to be here if it's in this state. What is wrong with me? I'm going to try to go back to exercising and see if that helps me.
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