I don't know what to do anymore

Posted , 3 users are following.

My boyfriend of 3 almost 4 years now, has been depressed for most of our lrelationship. I thought it was just a phase or that his excuses where real reasons of his change in attitude. For a long time now I've been told that I was the cause of why he's so unhappy so I've done all that I can to cater towards his feelings to try to make him feel better. Which has been a good and bad thing for me. I've made better decisions for myself  and I'm proud of myself now rather then feeling worthless as I was feeling before. But through the struggle of becoming a better me not only is it unnoticed but now it's become the new issue of constantly being accused of using him and gas lighting him and no matter what I do or say  I'm still the bad guy. It's rapidly getting worse where he thinks he hears me talking badly behind his back and him putting his hands on me for no reason( not that that is ever ok)  but literally going from cuddling to choking me cuz he didn't know where his phone was. I love him I want to help him but I don't know what more I can do.... I'd like to see a professional but he's not willing to go out of his way to pay someone who doesn't know what their talking about. 

Any advice is greatly appreciated 

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  • Posted

    Hi there,  depression is a very selfish illness and your bf certainly is isn't he?   The cheek of blaming you for his unhappiness!   It is nothing to do with you and it's a mugs game to change yourself for someone else.   Never ever do that or you will end up feeling empty and worthless yourself.   And unappreciated which you are.  

    It's a sad fact of life that some people are takers - the more you give the more they will take and they will never be satisfied as you are finding out.   He is not your child he is supposed to be your bf and that means an equal relationship.  What do you love about him?  His using you?  His attacking you - and he is attacking you isn't he?   Are you daft or something?   This is a toxic relationship and is not doing you any good at all. 

    He is making excuses not to see a professional counsellor - they do know what they are talking about as they are trained.   Why should be bother seeking help when he has you as his slave willing to do his bidding at all times with no thought of yourself.  

    Choking you is physical abuse - why are you putting up with it?   Are you going to wait until you get really hurt?   How could you love someone who attacks you? 

    I suggest you tell him that if he is unhappy with you,  then go and find some oither mug who will cater to his every need.   You deserve a partner who cares for you as well and tries to make you happy.  Why is it all one way?    Don't you deserve better than this?   Where is your pride? 

    If this was me I would out of there like a shot and realising he only loves himself.   At the end of the day he obviously has very serious problems and you cannot deal with it on your own.   He needs professional help as it is far too much for you or anyone to deal with.   You are actually colluding with him and not helping him by not taking a firm line.     


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  • Posted

    Hi Punkinnbb

    I think its time that you get out of this relationship. You said that you are being accused of making him feel bad that is not right you are trying all you can do make him feel happy. 

    If you stay in this relationship he is going to just drag you down with him and is that what you want. 

    I feel that you need to leave this guy and start fresh 

    Find someone who is happy to be with you and who does not accuse you of his depression. This guy is not worth you getting sick over. 

    Start fresh work on your own issues and just date someday you will find the right person who will love you and appreciate you for who you are 

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  • Posted

    Thanks for the insight although harsh it's honest and I appreciate it. I was a dancer when we met long story short I quickly moved in with him he bought me a car and I got to be able to start going to school. He comes from money I don't have much. I have a dog who I love to death but he's a pitbull which makes it hard to just pack up and leave with no where to go. I gave my bf all my power and I've become completely dependant on him it's pathetic. I don't have anywhere that I could go no money of my own my car I found it isn't even in my name. I want to get him help because I want us to be ok. I'm sure it's just wishful thinking because I don't have the strength in me anymore to fail again. He used to be amazing I just want that guy back so bad. But I guess there's not much more I can do. I'm stupid because I know it's over and me staying with him is only hurting both of us... But I've built a life with him so I feel like i have to keep trying.
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    • Posted

      Hi yes it was harsh but necessary I think.  You are on a losing game with this one I'm afraid as you are never going to change him and until he gets professional help he won't be the person he once was.  How long are you prepared to wait?  Until your dancing career is over? 

      I liken it to buying a car.  It's fine for a few years,  then it starts going wrong.  First the clutch goes,  but it is worth fixing,  then the brakes go,  ok that's not a fortune,  then the gearbox goes and you question is it still worth the cost?   There comes a time when you have to cut your losses and get a new car.   Otherwise you are throwing good money after bad.  

      You are not stupid at all but you are holding onto something which is past it's sell by date.  I think we have all been there.   I will tell you though that when you do finally (and you will) move on you will be a lot happier in yourself and will find YOU again.   You need to start working on taking your power back bit by bit.   Start saving money when you can and move on.  Like I said you deserve a lot better than this.   Don't leave it too long as life is short and you won't be young forever you know...One day you will wake up and you will be 40 (everyone thinks that will never happen but believe me it does).  The longer you leave it the harder it will be. 

      Live YOUR life and be happy.  x

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