I don’t know what to do or feel anymore
Posted , 5 users are following.
Hello guys I’m sure this post doesn’t deserve any of your attention, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so down and don’t ever want to leave my house.
I should be happy and grateful for my life but it seems like I just can’t be. In general I really should not complain I live with both of my parents, I have at least a few friends and I always have food at home but I just feel empty.
I feel like my problems are suffocating me but I can’t talk to anyone about it. The only person that would listen is my mom but I don’t want to bother her nowadays. I used to be bullied pretty badly and I think I was depressed (and suicidal maybe? Not that I would ever be brave enough to do something). I didn’t tell anyone but when my mom found out I wasn’t happy she was so sad and I feel bad for causing her to feel this way. She thought it was all her fault and I want her to be happy so talking to her is not an option. I used to talk to one of my best friends but I bothered her so much and I feel like she is tired of my whining.. so I’m always “happy” around her.
My problems may seem not too bad to any of you but I’m suffering and just want it to stop.
I have a friend in school that I see every day. On the bus ride, in every class, every break just everywhere. She claims I’m her best friend but sometimes she ignores me, tells me how dumb and useless I am and just reminds me of everything I did wrong. It’s horrible and she does this every dayx. At one point she’s super friendly and in the next second she’s cold and reserved and I feel like she hates me.
The next problem is my dad. He has problems too and I get how it can make you feel but I feel like he uses me as an outlet for his frustration. Nothing I do is good enough! It doesn’t matter what I do he always finds a way to criticize me. And when he’s not criticizing me he is ignoring me completely. I can talk about whatever he doesn’t care as long as he can’t twll me what I’m doing wrong. He tells me I have to eat less because I’m fat, he tells me to hurry up with my drivers license and discourages me all the time.
Those problems made me feel super sad but slowly I just fell empty.. I still cry all the time but my “everyday-emotions” are fear, sadness , anger or nothing.
I can’t live like this anymore but I can’t change my situation! I can’t do anything to make it better and I wish I had someone to talk to so I wrote this.. maybe no one will reply but at least I could get these words out. If anyone sees this and has an idea how to help I would appreciate it but I know this is hopeless and I’m stupid for being sad you don’t need to tell me.. I’m just afraid this blue feeling will turn into depression and I can’t go through that again.
sorry for spelling mistakes and for the long text
I hope you have a nice day.
5 likes, 3 replies
vicky51471 Light18
Posted
Hi light 🙂
firstly well done you for reaching out.
You’re post really got me I can see you are recognising this “ blue” feeling and that you don’t want to get any worse so you can see it creeping up??
I have had depression and anxiety and my mum knows everything .now we are older but she has always known really.
i tried to hid e it but she knew/knows me too well!!
My mum would hate to know Im hurting inside but sometime you just can’t it some times you may have simply no energy to “hide the cracks.
I am sure of course you’re mum would be a little upset you are hurting you’re her child and she would want to help.
Reach out to her they are tougher than you think.
Reguarding you friend at school it seems that her mood can change toward you very quickly and say horrid things to you.
It maybe you that she’s not happy in her own life.
Could you talk to her say it hurts when she says theses things to you maybe ask her why she changes.
If you tell your mum you are make my steps she may suggest outside help.
I am sorry to hear your Dad is this way toward you, you’re must be aware??
if you just speak to you’re mum you could say all these things and how you are feeling really. Ask her to talk to your Dad, not to say theses things too you.
if she knows the real affect of this she will try to help I am sure of it.. please reach out to her.
i am 40 my mum 71 she’s known for years and does all she can to help even now. She would be gutted to know I was suffering silence I’m sure like any mother out there.
please know you are not Stupid!! You are going through a bad time don’t be hard on YOURSELF
keeping it in doesn’t work or help you may get worse because of the effort you use hiding this “blue” time.... so please speak with your mum or write a letter to telll her how you are feeling. Perhaps if you wrote a note to your Dad too seeing it in black and white reading the words he may just stop doing what he’s doing.
i really hope you can talk to you’re mum as I said they are tougher than you think.
take care now.
pm me if you would like
vicky xxxxx
DaisyDaze Light18
Posted
Most Mom's always want their kids to be happy. From a mom's point of veiw, she probably feels as if she goes out of her way to make you happy and you don't appreciate it. I know that's not the case, but she doesn't understand "what" will make you happy.
What do you think will make you happy?
I know your dad is not at all supportive. Is that what is really bothering you? As far as friends, you are at an age where best friends can be really cruel and uncaring at times. Try to hang in there.
Instead of complaining or whining, maybe find a different topic that you are somewhat knowledgeable about and talk about that with your mom and friend (even dad). It could be from cooking a favorite recipe to going to a theme park. It will do your mom and you both good.
Educate yourself on somethign your dad has an interest in. You may find out you have the same interests!
Good luck; keep us posted!
Light18 DaisyDaze
Posted
I‘ve been following your advice and it got better. The relationship to my parents has definitely improved and that’s great and everything was fine. Summer break came and it was so nice to just have fun with my true friends and relax.. but yeah nice things don’t last in my life and the friend is back, school starts in 2 weeks and I will lose the 3 people that mean the most to me isn’t that great. They are all done with school and moving away so I’m going to be alone.
I have known this since Friday and had 1 panic attack and 2 breakdowns
Awesome, great, I’m totally fine
At least I’ve got my license now so that stress factor‘s gone.