I don't know where to turn.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Everyone around me thinks I have a problem but I'm not sure and I don't even know where to turn if I am willing to accept that I might have.

I am 40 years old and food and calories dominate my life but I do eat, I eat 1300 calories per day and surely if I had an eating disorder I would be eating much less than that?

My BMI is currently 18.4, I know it's low but not drastic low and I still get my periods so nothing to indicate a problem there.

I have depression, very bad depression in fact and it feels like there are a lot of things in my life that I can't control, my weight is the only thing I can control so I feel that if I gain weight I have failed at yet another thing in life and I feel almost as if I want to be invisible in the world and being as small as possible helps me to feel like I am.

I have poor appetite because of my depression, this would be upsetting to most people but I am thrilled since it means that keeping my weight low is easy.

I do not view myself as fat nor do I view myself as thin, I know I have very thin arms and my collarbone  is visible but on the whole I view myself as being normal size, my husband and adult daughter think I am very thin though and get upset when they hug me because they say I feel boney.

I did go over my calorie allowance one day last week and just felt utterly depressed about it to be honest, like a worthless failure.

So now I need to decide where to turn, I did tell my gp all of this months ago, she told me to tell my mental health nurse but I did and she just wrote it on my notes and left it at that, I am now 5 pounds lighter and feel like even if I do need help I am being passed around and don't know who or where to get it from.

Where do I go? What do I do? I'm confused, upset, exhausted with everything and feel so alone, the depression makes it hard to see things clearly and I just want to see the right person who can tell me if I have a problem and what to do about it if I do.


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  • Posted

    An eating disorder is only really when your thinking about food is distorted or obsessive. As you obviously have issues control,then theres not a huge leap. Best place is to ask your dr for a referral to Psychotherapy who may well also send you to a dietitian. It's nothing to be fearful about, they are there to help, they helped me through mine
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    • Posted

      Thankyou,i will ask my dr about a referral,i thought my mental health nurse might do it but she didn't seem bothered and my dr asked me to let the nurse deal with it, i think i need to go back to my dr and tell her how the nurse responded.
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    • Posted

      Yes mental health nurses or CPNs will do absolutely nothing with regard to referrals,they assume you'll see your dr. I've often found community nurses to be totally useless to be honest,i don't know what role they should be doing, I don't think they know themselves. Your gp will do the referral no problems
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  • Posted

    Well only you know if you have a problem first of all but you sound like you know you do and the fact you came on here to say it.

    That nurse is stupid if she just wrote on your notes n that's it she should have referred you somewhere or offered help. There is lots of help out there n you can be referred to an eating disorder specialist.

    You talk a lot about control. Why do you feel you've no control. You need to get to the bottom of all that n address your depression get therapy to heal you deal with that or accept things. Not eating is just unhealthy. I dont know why any woman would want to be boney. I lost a lot of weight due to a stomach problem n infection n I literally couldn't eat it's was dreadful. They thought I'd an eating disorder the idiots but I didn't. I'm also still battling low potassium n my stomach s not great. Being able to eat n drink anything you want is a gift be grateful for that n your health. There's nothing worse than physical suffering. Obviously your struggling mentally which I know is tough too n can feed into physical health if your not careful.

    Your doc n nurse sound most uncerned. Dont accept that your entiltled to get help. At the end the day what's counting calories actually gonna achieve is it gonna solve your problems?I find it's hard to get in enough calories never mind counting them. You have a husband n child that's a lot your very lucky. Get help n start enjoying life coz it's a precious gift.

    Are you using laxative s or anything?

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    • Posted

      Thankyou, part of me feels like i do have a problem but another part of me thinks i'm okay,my husband thinks i have a problem so i am open to the fact that he may be seeing things differently to me.

      The nurse i have is not the most helpful i have to say, i am having therapy for my depression,she was supposed to have done the referral for that but after about 4 months of hearing nothing i phoned them and she hadn't done it at all, my dr did it in the end.

      I feel like i have no control over anything in my life,so much went wrong that i have been unable to change and i am hoping my current therapy will help me with that but i am only 5 sessions in so it's early days.

      I don't want to be boney or weak, I want to be healthy again and i want to be the person i used to be but it's like a hold it has over me, if i see an increase in weight i feel like i am losing control over absolutely everything.

      My appetite is poor as it is and i do understand that not getting enough food is probably making my mental health worse but i can't seem to allow myself to eat more, i really don't know why apart from that feeling of linking it to not having control.

      My husband wasn't really happy with the response from the nurse so i will go back to the dr and explain it to her, i don't use laxatives or anything like that no, i will go back and this time take my husband along so he can help to explain it and voice his own concerns, as far as they are concerned i am mad and they don't listen to me, well that is how it feels anyway, they only ever listen if my husband says something, i had a blocked ear,they said it was stress,my husband had to tell them i could barely hear a word he said to me before they actually looked at it and found i had an infection, maybe i need a new doctor because i feel very dismissed by the one i have.

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    • Posted

      I totally understand how u feel iv had so much stuff happen me in last couple of years it's unbelievable, all health probs that could have been avoided n it's sent me over the edge to be honest. Loosing my hair skin first then lots of other stuff. I'm really struggling with my health right now n not getting much help medically I too dont really get taken seriously with docs. I would suggest you change docs as I wish I'd done that ages ago. When I got really sick he didn't believe me n it made everything all the worse. He puts everything down to anxiety when it isn't. It's really demeaning when you know something s up.

      Totally understand about control it's awful iv loss of who I am through all this sickness I feel useless n can't comprehend what's happened to me. Sounds like you have problem with food n you can't help it like the little devil on our shoulders.

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  • Posted

    It sounds to me that you may have a problem with controlling your food intake,I've been there with anorexia and bullemia. can you talk to your husband about what is really worrying you,if not,try writing down how you feel,it doesn't have to be legible or for anyone else,I was referred to an eating disorder specialist who helped.the Gp's tend just to think that once you've got depression, all other illnesses are in your head.You can get through this though,I will always have a problem with food but I'm trying not to let it get the better of me.i ended up on a mental health ward and that was the horrible.
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