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I don’t know where to turn

Posted , 4 users are following.

logan007
logan007

Hello. 

for the last 5/6 years I’ve been suffering mentally and physically in silence. I lost someone very close to me. My problem is I refuse to show my true feelings to those around me. I cannot. I was raised in a strict traditional Caribbean home and was taught never to show my feelings or emotions. I’m 35 years old and this lesson has stayed with throughout my life. It’s ruined relationships, friendships and nearly ruined my career. 

I go to bed late at night and wake up early in the morning because I have trouble sleeping. I just cannot seem to let my brain rest. I wish I could talk to my parter but she has a lot going on and I don’t want to stress her out.

i feel trapped.

i sometimes go walks at stupid hours in the night and think perhaps people would prefer it if I did not come back.

i don’t know what to do.

 

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • Blondegoldie
    Blondegoldie logan007

    Posted

    I think we've all been brought up like that to be strong not show weakness but really we don't need to it's ok to cry to be emotional and show affection because we didn't get it why should we suffer in silence our parents wernt shown affection they found it hard to show us so from today let's change our wsys if thinking

    • logan007
      logan007 Blondegoldie

      Posted

      I agree. I would love to change and i suppose it should be easy but for some reason, to me it feels like the most difficult thing in the world. I dont wan to live like this anymore. Have you ever felt like this before, like life is so hard, like everyones eatching you, like the worlds on yoir back, like you want to fight... i just get these feelings randomly and most of the time i have no idea why...
  • al-pk9
    al-pk9 logan007

    Posted

    You've got to let it be known somewhere, can you talk to a therapist? Also think your partner would prefer to know... If she didn't want you to come back, she wouldn't be there in the first place.

  • Guest
    Guest logan007

    Posted

    Hi logan007, you sound like you're suffering from grief from the relationship you 'lost'. I'm not sure if that person passed away or simply left, but you can feel grief in either circumstance. But, you need to let your emotions release or they'll build up inside you and cause problems.

    I lost my mother and brother in 2017. My mom died from a stroke and my brother passed away 2 days later from a brain tumor. I have no other living immediate family (my dad passed away 15 years ago). I was so busy dealing with the funeral affairs and so on that I really didn't grieve last year. Now I am feeling it and I am a 63 year old man in the USA. There are days when everything gets to me and I break down and weep-even in front of my wife. You NEED to do that, or it builds up inside you and create physical and mental difficulties. My wife is a great support system, she knows that you need to show your sadness now and then and let it out.

    Sounds to me like you need someone in your life you can really open up to and let the tears flow. I have my wife, but it can be a good friend or whatever. We all need that. God bless you.

    • logan007
      logan007 Guest

      Posted

      thanks phil. I suppose your right. My pronlem is i have no friends. I was involved with a bad crowd may years back and one day woke up and decided i needed to either cut them off, completely or i would end up in a bad place. That was 9 years ago. I moved away, got a new job and i have seen a single one since. I think this is the time ive spoken about this. I supposed it feels safe becuase you dont know me.

      how else did you deal with your feelings?

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