i don't live ......i just exist!!!!!!!!!

Posted , 2 users are following.

i had enough of this life, i can't see it getting any better, 14 years my life has gone from one hell to another, why do bad things keep happening, i've always been a nice person, but i think nastyness rules all, nasty people don't have problems, or am i just soooo unlucky. don't care anymore, don't care about nothing, nothing ever goes right for me, not even the simplest thing, am i being punished or tested?

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Please dont feel like your alone as i feel the same i have tried talking to people and alot of people dont listen so i took some advice from a friend and as much as i felt stupid and like no one wanted to know i bit the bullet and went to the doctors yeasterday and again today and yes they have put me on tablets that i dont really want to take but at the min i am willing to try any thing my doc has also ref me to see some one to talk to aswell.

    He was a huge help so please try your GP and sorround your self with friends it does not have to be lost just the one who you know will be there for you. x

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  • Posted

    thankyou, sorry you feel the same, i wish i could help, but i'm in no position to, i hate feeling like this, i feel like my children will be better of without me, but i love them all soooooooooooo much, they have no-one else, their the only reason i'm here, i would give anything to stop feeling like this, i can't think straight and feel as if i can't fit anymore information or anything in my head, it just shoots straight back out. i hate life, it wasn't meant to be like this, i have one 'really good friend' she is so good at listening, but she doesn't understand, she's had a good life, she will admit to that and admits she probly wouldn't cope with all i have been through, but doesn't understand the way i feel, why i want to give up, its because i really don't think i can honestly take much more, one more thing to go wrong just may tip me over the edge.....and it scares me, i know i'm not the only one, and i'm sorry if i sound selfish, and things will probly improve i just can't see it at the moment, i've waited 14 years for my life to get better and i will just have to try and convince myself ...one day, i must try not to give up hope, i'm still here is all i can say,

    take care, thanks for caring, it means alot

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  • Posted

    Hi agan, I know exactly how you feel when it comes to trying to fit info in my head there is just no room left in there its like my brains filing system does not work any more i cant even take loud noises or take in what is going on around me. Your lucky to have children as it gives you something to get out of bed for each day i dont have that, i also only have one good friend who again has had a good life and she is trying to understand how i feel but i know she does not and she cant get her head round the thoughts that i have been having. it is so hard to try and get people to understand but i cant no matter how hard it try. I feel sooooo alone as i cant even tell my mum what is going on or how i feel or about the medication i am on as i feel ashamed that i cant cope with life at the age of nearly 24.

    Please keep in touch x if you would like to keep chatting i have an email address x

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  • Posted

    hi, you are so young to be so sad, i know,i have kids and it is the only reason i'm still here, but why do i keep being so selfish, thinking they'd be better of without me, do you know what, i walked out of my house just over a year ago, around 7pm, got in my car and just drove, i was hopeing to crash! but was scared i would hurt someone else in the process, so i drove and drove not knowing where was going,i ended up about 15 miles away, i parked up and sat and cryed for hours, fell asleep then drove back home, i got home about 5am, and guess what my poor children were still up, they'd all been crying terrified i wasn't coming home. how could i do that to them? i rang the samaritans, i was so desperate, the man was so nice, seeing my kids like that broke my heart.

    YOU have nothing to be ashamed about, do you hear, your so brave you saw you had a problem and went for help, i admire you, and i know your a nice person because you cared enough to reply to me. how do i get your e-mail? it'll be nice to chat to smeone who really understands, and maybe we can help each other! take care.

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  • Posted

    Hi again, i know what you mean about the car thing i was in the car the other day with my mum and nephew and they wre both going on at me and i had the worst thought i have ever had, i thought of driving my car into the central resivation on the motoway on our way home with them in the car and that when i knew i needed help this was only on sunday, even though i have been having these thoughts for months. i cant talk to my family about this and only have the one friend who listens and is being great but does not fully understand.

    My e mail is **** so feel free to mail me. once you do i can give you my number if you wanted to text. It is so nice to have someone to talk to thank you.

    Take care and will look forward to speaking soon.

    Pippa x

    (Sorry but Patient Admin have removed either a telephone number, an email address, and or web address, from this posting, as it is the policy of Patient UK not to publish these on this forum.

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  • Posted

    [b:25864fb4d5]Hi,

    I want you to know that you are not alone. I know your feeling, but I started my struggle to overcome my dark moments. I started to write about in my blog and I can feel the way up.

    You made a great step in recovering your illnes with your cry for help and your need for understanding.

    It is good to have your children as a anchor to stay in line. But try to speak out your dark feelings, that is a way to leave them behind.

    Feel free to react on my blog and stay in touch with me, so we can help each other.

    Take care,

    Peerke[/b:25864fb4d5]

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  • Posted

    hi, i will mail you ok,
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  • Posted

    hi Peerke, thanks for your reply, and do you know what, i feel abit better just writing how i feel, and even better that people are actually listening and really understand, you and pippa have no idea what you have done for me already, just replying makes such a difference, and people do sometimes need reminding that their not alone, thankyou so much, you should feel a little pleased with yourself.....because you may not realise it, but you have made me feel a little better thankyou again, i will read your blog ok, take care.
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  • Posted

    Hi again how are you today just cheched my mails so i thought i would just quickly say hi on here for you. Really looking forward to talking to you its such a relif to know there is some one feeling the same. Just manaed to get my self out of bed today and push those tablets reluctantly down my neck i hate taking them but i know by taking them and talking will help in the long run, i feel like you have been my saviour over the last few days thank you so much.

    pippa x

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  • Posted

    [quote:b4aef1e122=\"P.H\"]Hi again how are you today just cheched my mails so i thought i would just quickly say hi on here for you. Really looking forward to talking to you its such a relif to know there is some one feeling the same. Just manaed to get my self out of bed today and push those tablets reluctantly down my neck i hate taking them but i know by taking them and talking will help in the long run, i feel like you have been my saviour over the last few days thank you so much.

    pippa x[/quote:b4aef1e122] hi pippa, i have e-mailed you, let me know if you don't receive it

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  • Posted

    hi im on line at the mo and nothing come through as yet x
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  • Posted

    [quote:1cb065ca20=\"p.h\"]hi im on line at the mo and nothing come through as yet x[/quote:1cb065ca20] hi i'm gonna try again....now ok
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  • Posted

    ok x
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