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I don't need pills it's not an inballence my life just sucks.

Posted , 5 users are following.

jessica86727
jessica86727

Hi. I want to die. I really have nothing,my story is abused as a kid dad was a drunk left mum was the one with the belt. all the men in my life have been s**t, my dad sells drugs and gets out of paying for me by travelling my grandad is a rapist who had my dad and my step dad would hit us with belts too that why my mum and him got along. I'm 20 and moved out having to move back though for a bit my mother does not touch me anymore. I generally like myself I used to think I was ugly, becouse my mum would call me that everyday but now I've stopped beleaving her. I like my personality and I have potential in a good carer. But life would stop hurting me over and over again. I'm constantly in pain and cry every tight. It's just always happening, my ex left me witch started up a real s**t storm, he has rewind my life and yet I'm obsessed and still in love with him after three years. It's really f****d me up and he doesn't care, he's taken all of my s****y friends away from me and my best friend he ran away with to america they are there right now. She didn't tell me a thing about it a girl that I've known since I was a kid. I just cant take it anymore. I got bulled on my first year of uni. A bunch of difrent guys fell in love with me not for me for my looks I had only known them for a few weeks and they sent me texts of how much they loved me and wanted to be with me and I just felt sick, so I told them there feelings were ball s**t for them to grow up then left. I have one person I know that is the same who I haven't kicked out of my life yet becouse even though he grabbed my ass inapropreatly and talks to me about why I'm not with him becouse I'm so lonely, I hate him but I don't have any friends and these are the only people that want to even get to know me. I want to die. Every time a guy like this comes along it makes me feel worse I just want to die, it makes me miss my ex a person who has f****d me up for life. After my ex all the friends I had left were sick of me being sad and I tried everything for them not for me to be happy and force it, I started sleeping with this guy that made me feel gross, he used me and hurt me and even when I taught to myself maybe I could be with him if I just be with him all the time and make him my life ill have a new life a new me. But he left me and used me and said he didn't want anything to do with me out of the blue when I asked to date him. I hate my life why do I have to feel so much pain it hurts it hurts I feel like I'm dying all the time. I have no one and nothing not a friend not family nothing. Job money getting money achieving s**t nun of it has ever made me happy. The only time I felt happy was when someone loved me for me my ex and now he's done and all my s****y friends and I have nothing and all of them have gone off on road trips having the time of there lives while I'm in soo much pain. I can't breath half the time I just want to die or someone to grab my hand and take me away to the middle of know here and just keep running. I've been dead for 16 years I just want to die. No one stays becouse im not fun I'm miserable and all I want in this world is to go back in my exs arms and lay with him I love him so much but I hate him and want to kill him at the same time but I just want to be held in a loving way again.

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • steve52987
    steve52987 jessica86727

    Posted

    First. Let me say. You are NOT alone. There is help. You seem to have had a horrible start in Life and gone down from there. Some people who have had an 'abusive' start in life seem to seek out abusive relationships as its all they know. It is their 'normal'. Your anger is perfectly understandable. At least you see the difference, and know it's wrong. That is a start. If you're in UK, I can point you in the direction of people who can help. There is no 'magic' pill to make eveything better but even the longest journey starts with a single step

  • nigel45109
    nigel45109 jessica86727

    Posted

    Hello, you have had a horrible start to life. However, you are aware of your situation, and probably what you want in life. Despite your hard times, you have managed to get to university, you are still fighting for what you want, and you are still young. I would suggest speaking to a doctor, for a pysciatric referral, for possible medication and counselling. Medication will help you concentrate your mind on the current and future, and likely to give you reasonably quick relief from your pain. Its also likely to put you in a better frame of mind, so you are more likely to attract genuine friends, and a loving genuine relationship. It will give you a more positive frame of mind, which in turn, will lead to more positive outcomes. Counselling will strengthen this. Your dwelling on your ex might suggest you are depressed, which needs attention. Currently, you understandably have a negative mindset, which attracts negative outcomes and people. I strongly believe a pysciatric assessment will start you on the right path for what to achieve in life. It will establish what you need right now, to move forwards more positively. I hope this helps.
  • nigel45109
    nigel45109 jessica86727

    Posted

    The correct pills, if needed after an assessment will help, trust me on that.
    • suemie
      suemie nigel45109

      Posted

      Go for therapy;

      Sometimes, the long-lasting effects of childhood trauma are just too great to tackle on our own. In these cases, psychologist and meditation teacher, “meditation is not always enough.” We need to bring unresolved issues into a therapeutic relationship, and get back-up in unpacking the past. When we partner with a skilled therapist to address the adversity we may have faced decades ago, those negative memories become paired with the positive experience of being seen by someone who accepts us as we are—and a new window to healing opens.Part of the power of therapy lies in allowing ourselves, finally, to form an attachment to a safe person. A therapist’s unconditional acceptance helps us to modify the circuits in our brain that tell us that we can’t trust anyone, and grow new, healthier neural connections. It can also help us to heal the underlying, cellular damage of traumatic stress, down to our DNA.

  • yasmine333
    yasmine333 jessica86727

    Posted

    Your childhood sounded horrendous & I'm glad you managed to get out & continue your life.

    What your ex did was disgusting but you allowed one person to ruin your life. You say you wanted to make this other guy your life but he left you aswell. This will continue to happen if you don't realise that you cannot base your life happiness on a man or relationship. You will never be happy if you believe you need to make someone else your life instead of allowing someone to be a PART of your life. People will always let you down you can't jump from man to man depending on them to make your life better. YOU need to make your life better because YOU are in control & YOU won't let yourself down. Focus on yourself & doing what makes you happy independent of any relationship.

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