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Hi. I want to die. I really have nothing,my story is abused as a kid dad was a drunk left mum was the one with the belt. all the men in my life have been s**t, my dad sells drugs and gets out of paying for me by travelling my grandad is a rapist who had my dad and my step dad would hit us with belts too that why my mum and him got along. I'm 20 and moved out having to move back though for a bit my mother does not touch me anymore. I generally like myself I used to think I was ugly, becouse my mum would call me that everyday but now I've stopped beleaving her. I like my personality and I have potential in a good carer. But life would stop hurting me over and over again. I'm constantly in pain and cry every tight. It's just always happening, my ex left me witch started up a real s**t storm, he has rewind my life and yet I'm obsessed and still in love with him after three years. It's really f****d me up and he doesn't care, he's taken all of my s****y friends away from me and my best friend he ran away with to america they are there right now. She didn't tell me a thing about it a girl that I've known since I was a kid. I just cant take it anymore. I got bulled on my first year of uni. A bunch of difrent guys fell in love with me not for me for my looks I had only known them for a few weeks and they sent me texts of how much they loved me and wanted to be with me and I just felt sick, so I told them there feelings were ball s**t for them to grow up then left. I have one person I know that is the same who I haven't kicked out of my life yet becouse even though he grabbed my ass inapropreatly and talks to me about why I'm not with him becouse I'm so lonely, I hate him but I don't have any friends and these are the only people that want to even get to know me. I want to die. Every time a guy like this comes along it makes me feel worse I just want to die, it makes me miss my ex a person who has f****d me up for life. After my ex all the friends I had left were sick of me being sad and I tried everything for them not for me to be happy and force it, I started sleeping with this guy that made me feel gross, he used me and hurt me and even when I taught to myself maybe I could be with him if I just be with him all the time and make him my life ill have a new life a new me. But he left me and used me and said he didn't want anything to do with me out of the blue when I asked to date him. I hate my life why do I have to feel so much pain it hurts it hurts I feel like I'm dying all the time. I have no one and nothing not a friend not family nothing. Job money getting money achieving s**t nun of it has ever made me happy. The only time I felt happy was when someone loved me for me my ex and now he's done and all my s****y friends and I have nothing and all of them have gone off on road trips having the time of there lives while I'm in soo much pain. I can't breath half the time I just want to die or someone to grab my hand and take me away to the middle of know here and just keep running. I've been dead for 16 years I just want to die. No one stays becouse im not fun I'm miserable and all I want in this world is to go back in my exs arms and lay with him I love him so much but I hate him and want to kill him at the same time but I just want to be held in a loving way again.
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