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I don't want to exist on this planet but I don't have the courage to die.

Posted , 6 users are following.

bee2107
bee2107

I have been depressed for two years now. Meds don't seem to help. Nor does CBT seem to help.

I cant even afford therapy anymore.

lately I have been feeling so disconnected with myself and with the environment around me.

I have really bad panic attacks and I am always on the edge with my anxiety.

I have always been a people pleaser so everyone has seen me a happy go lucky kind of person and now when they see me like this they don't understand what's happening to me. My parents say they are tired of seeing me so sad all the time, but I cant pretend to be happy anymore. I don't have anyone around me who can understand what I am going through. My father lost everything we had and now I have to support my whole family and I hate to put up this strong suit. I want to give up. but then there is always this guilt as to how can I do this to my family. I didn't ask for any of this. I know I may sound selfish but I am not strong. everyday is a struggle. I cant sleep. when I sleep I don't want to wake up. I don't feel anything anymore. I feel like a zombie. I feel tired all the time. I feel empty. I wish I had the courage to give up.

3 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • FavyDi
    FavyDi bee2107

    Posted

    hi, my name is favy but you can call me FavyDi

    i feel like i should arise for your case.

    hope you dont mind me being there

  • srk904471
    srk904471 bee2107

    Posted

    Your biggest possession is your mind. Keep it strong. Keep it strong despite adverse circumstances. Do not let the sensations of pain reach your mind.

    there are people around us who are far worse. i am saying it so that you may keep your self strong.

    please. love yourself.

    when you feel pain, you torture yourself. do not do that. be pain proof within your mind. whatever meals you have, enjoy them. and sleep well, without anxiety for next day.

    do not care for what people will say or think about you. you be calm and fearless within yourself.

    Things will change for better, even if you are not able so how, at present.

  • daniel61611
    daniel61611 bee2107

    Posted

    Hi I totally understand you I ve been fighting with depression 15 years or so I moved my ass in 4 countries try everything Living 3 years in Philippines and Sri Lanka to get sun trying different medication It always got me Now I relocated back to my country after 9 years It's terrible how I feel isolated and alone here I often wish I don't exist on this planet but I wish you give you some hope or at least Comfort you are not alone Try more medication Try go to different Doctor Wish you good luck I 'm trying to accept the hell too and survive

  • sam18386
    sam18386 bee2107

    Posted

    hi bee, i have lost count of how many of these types of post i have read. people who go silent on here scare me the most. people who fight, like your doing can be saved. that's what you want, you have reached out, well done for that, you have told the truth well done for that, you are a brave and are trying to survive you should be applauded for that. keep that fight is stopping the depression hurting you more, don't let it win, you can survive. maybe you are seeking the wrong sort of support for you. we have a company called lifelinks here which deal with mental health problems, try to find someone like them to help you. support shouldn't cost in England if you live here? good luck, someone will help i am sure. x

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