i dont enjoy or ejaculate during sex what should i do?

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i have been into masturbation for while now and now that i have a parter i don enjoy sex with her please help me i dont ejaculate too! i think this is really going affect our relationship 

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  • Posted

    Some questions.  How old are you, how long have you been with your partner, and how many times have you had sex with her?  Do you always enjoy it and ejaculate when you masturbate?
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    • Posted

      firstly i'm 19, i've been with her since march 5 and we've had sex like 5 times i'm not sure about the figure but its not up to 8 times the frist time we had sex we went as long as 3-4 hours(lol) and since then we have sex for like 30 mins - 1 hour and  enjoy and ejaculate when i masturbate

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    • Posted

      30 minutes to an hour is unusual, especially at that age, but I suppose that's because you don't ejaculate.  I'd have been happy to last ten minutes when I was 19 (fortunately, I was ready to go again after another ten minutes).

      I don't understand how sex isn't more enjoyable than masturbation though.  Do you have to be very rough when you masturbate?  Do you just use your hand (or maybe a towel or something)?  Do you use lube?  Are you circumcised?

      I disagree with some of what's in the other answer here btw.  Frequent masturbation is normal, and it would be unusual for a man your age to wait a number of days between masturbating.  It's also very unusual for a penis to reach a woman's cervix.

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    • Posted

      i masturbate really rough .. i use my hand .. i just use soap and i'm circumcised .. but really i've been goigng through alost of blogs and forums and i could finally understand why i dont enjoy sex .. and i'm working towards it .. its because i masturbate alot and the presure in which i masturbate is hard and the vagina cant give me such pressure so i should stay away from masturbation .. and we had sex yesterday and i really enjoyed it to the point of climax but she stoped and she said she was tired .. that mean i guess its working .. because i havnt felt that was during sex before and i'm happy i felt that way! 


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    • Posted

      Using soap is a bad idea - there are specialist lubes available.  It sounds like you need to be more gentle masturbating though.  Masturbating less often would help too, so try to take at least a day off before seeing your partner.

      Glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction though.  Not being able to ejaculate during sex can be worse than premature ejaculation.

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  • Posted

    I assume that you are male, and that you massage your penis with your hand.

    ?Quite often when men masturbate, they grip their penis very hard whilst they are rubbing it. That grip is often much stonger that a girl's pelvic floor muscles can acheive.  Also the speed with which you can massage you penis with your hand is far faster than in penetration of the vagina. 

    The way the penis is inserted in to the vaginal tract is diiferent to that in which an erect penis is being massaged manually, no matter the length of the erection. There is only so far that a girls vagina can accept a penis, and usually the erection is longer than that the girls vagina and often up to the edge of the cervix.

    ?The fact that you have masturbated for so long means that the girl can grip your penis as hard as you hand, and therefore the amount of stimulation is not there to excite the need to ejaculate.  The other reason why you may not ejaculate, or it takes you longer to reach climax is that you have "over-ejacualted", that is to say that the testes cannot create enough sperm and semen to allow you to ejaculate.

    ?If you do not feel the prostate gland "switching over" from allowing you to urinate to ejaculate then there may be prostate issues.  Alternatively if you do feel the prostate gland switch and you are haveing to use not only your stomach muscles but the whole body stiffen, particularly your thighs and the need to point your feet, along with rubbing the penise shaft very quickly, may mean that you have mastutbated to much and so often, you testes cannot produce enough semen fast enough to replace that which you have ejaculated already.

    ?The other "clue" to whether you have released so much ejaculate that you testes cannot replace it fast enough is the reduction in the ability of the penis to become fully errect in the first place.  It may be sufficient to pentrate but again when the partner applies her plevic floor muscles, again they are not strong enough to stimulate what is a less hardened erection.  Again, because you penis is not sufficiently erect you are less likely to acheive orgasm, and therefore ejactulation.

    ?As for the "remedy", I would suggest that you masturbate less frequently and not applying so much "effort" when you need to ejactulate.  When you are on your own masturbating, do not climax more than three times. If your penis is not erect already and the head of the glans is covered by the foreskin (an argument for NOT being circumcised), then don't masturbate.

    ?Also leave a break (and I am talking a number of days) betwen your masturbation sessions.  This will give time for epidimus and testes time to build up enough sperm to allow you to ejaculate.  If you having problems acheiveing an erection after a number of ejaculations, then stop.  Again allow a coule of days between the next time you have a masturbation "session".

    The same goes for the actual penetratration with you partner.  Do not have as much penetrative sex, and less frequently. Nor should she masturbate you along the shaft of the penis. but gently rub the tip of the glans of the penis with a lubriant and gently roll your foreskin just to the edge of the glans, not pull your foreskin past the glans.

    ?There is nothing wrong with the "kiss and a cuddle" and in her case the act of penetration being achieved in the form of a vibratror or indeed you masturbating her with your fingers.  Remember you can emulate the would be width and lenght of your would be "penis by proxy" using more or fewer fingers when entering your partner both in terims of widfh and length.

    ?If you spontaneously achieve an erection and you feel the need then masturbate or if she is available make love to your partner wants to have sex with you at the same time; i.e. she is aroused.  Again just have a short penetrative session and you do nor have to ejaculate reach orgasm each time. Again, she can masturbate you, but more gently.

    ?By all means carry on penetrating your partner with your erect penis as she is enjoying it but just make her aware that you are not able to acheive orgasm and ejaculation.  In any case she may prefer that you do not ejaculate as the feeling of the semen running from her vaginal tract when you withdraw, may not be something she wants every time. So masturbating you may be an alternative too. It excites you to orgasm, eveni if you do not ejaculate semen.

    ?Like all these things discuss it with your partner and she how she wants to carry on the sexual relationship; indeeed what arouses her and makes her orgasm without the need for you to penetrate.  Taking a break from penetrative sex and avoiding masturbation for a while, may be as long as a week may be enough to make you have an urge to experience orgasm and pentration again.


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    • Posted

      To be very honest i'm happy that you took ypur time in explaining all these to me.. i understood everything and i'll put in to considartion but like i told ml66uk i have started enjoing it .. and i've started feeling sex! i almost climax till she climaxed and said she was fine.. but i'm happy i'm making progress .. 

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