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i dont know how to keep going.

Posted , 2 users are following.

kyaroru90463
kyaroru90463

The past few days have been rough and i feel under alot of pressure,not big things,but i dont know how I'll keep going.unis coming to an end in a few months,works things at work are gretting to me,and yesterday I locked my mum in my flat thinking the key i gave her would work as it was one the housing gave me.she's deathly afraid of being locked in any enclosed space and when she phoned me up to say,I rushed back as quickly as I could,I could hear the tears and fear in her voice.she was waiting in for a package as i had uni,but for my stupidity i made her have a expierience she didn't want and I missed uni.had a difficult customer today and I totally clamed up.nights are worst for me now as I freak out about trivial things.I was kept awake by a neighbour on Thursday night,on a night i didn't need it to happen on,but got a complaint in.I'm scared of triggering depression in my mum now after what happened,even though she's the strongest woman I know and I really don't know how she's got through what she has.I feel like giving up,after the customer today,felt like crying for a good hour or so after.giving up not in the sense of comitting suicide,but just..... I don't even know anymore.I'm scared of getting depression again,I've been feeling alot better,but im just so tired now,I've had ten days in a row of either uni or work and don't get a day off either until next Sunday.I can't even lie in as I wake up really early now as I don't have curtains up yet as moved into this place a couple months ago.I'm scared,I'm scared im going to break down one of these days and put more pressure on my family,as they've seen how ive felt over the past few monthe,and theyre the only things keeping me alive atm.I'm just so tired,and feeling the demands of everyday life.I never used to be like this,and I keep wanting to be the person I was,but i know that's an unrealistic goal as with new changes and expierinces were supposed to change an grow.im not on any antidepressant though i have some,though my depression feels mild atm,don't know if it's anxiety anymore.I'm waiting to see a phcyatrist.I don't want to give up,but im so tried...

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • kyaroru90463
    kyaroru90463

    Posted

    My mum's key didn't work,so thats why she was locked in.
    • jade42173
      jade42173 kyaroru90463

      Posted

      Hey dude, calm yourself! :-) there are people willing to listen... I got myself into that type of feeling too! :-( ive tried quite a few times to end my life! Oding, kives, throwing myself in front of fast moving cars, and believe me it's NOT worth it! Not only will you be hurting yourself and your family, you'll just be another statistic! Don't let them have that!! :-) come on! :-) you got people to talk to! And you can talk to me too if you like.. :-) I have a lot of stories and true life crap to get off my back! BUT who was the patience to even listen to me rant on?! Haha :-( meh! :-((

    • kyaroru90463
      kyaroru90463 jade42173

      Posted

      I know it would hurt my family,thats the only reason I haven't so far,but i still dont know how it didn't happen.I'm scared ill want to again,and or that I'll get so low that i won't be able to stop myself.
    • jade42173
      jade42173 kyaroru90463

      Posted

      Yea, totally know that feeling! :-(

      BUT do you wanna make a pact?! I don't really want to, but I'd be willing to if I had someone else with ME! :-D

      Dude, I'm sure your life isn't that terrible is it?! :-(( if it is, then I apologise... But I'd like to hear your story... I'll share mine with you too?

  • jade42173
    jade42173 kyaroru90463

    Posted

    Dude, It's spelt psychaiatrist... ;-), and you're a bigger person than me!

    I went to A counselling session... 'She' made me bawl my eyes out, so after that ONE session I never went back! :-E the crap she said to me, in that brief session didnt mean anything to me!! She didn't help me in anyway! My best friend, he's a guy, is the ONLY one that I can speak openly and truthfully to! :-((

    I TRIED speaking to my parents, did they give a damn, HELL NO! They think I will snap out of it, BUT it's true about the chinese wanting and loving males a LOT more than females! :-(( *sigh* NO hope for me at all! :-((

    • jade42173
      jade42173

      Posted

      Whoops psychiatrist! Hehe
    • jade42173
      jade42173

      Posted

      Oh and I'm sure you have friends to talk to? I on the other hand have absolutely NO ONE! I used to have them, but then my parents told me everyone of my friends just wanted to use ME for my money... What little I now have! :-( *sigh* they don't seem to understand that the world has changed since they were my age! BUT it's how they see stuff, closed minded racists! Haha :-(( *sigh* I told myself that I wouldn't try and do serious crap to myself again, BUT it's a bit hard ESP as my parents ALWAYS LOOK DOWN ON ME! :-((( *sigh*
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