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From a young age ive always worried about stuff, stupid stuff, but ill focus on something real small. Like if someone snaps at me or if i say something stupid thats all ill think about all day. I remember having panic attacks really early on but i didnt recognise what they were. Ive always had to check stuff like even if i dont use the cooker, ill keep going in the kitchen to make sure its off or keep checking the taps are off or the door is locked. Anyway ive always been ok with it, i could manage it on my own. My mum died not long ago, she comitted suicide and ever since ive been really bad. I feel on edge all the time. I get heart palpatations everyday, i feel like im going to be sick and really nervous before i go to work, i get all shaky and clumsy when im at work. If i mess up even a little bit like if i drop money when im passing it to a customer i go all hot and feel like theyre judging me. Like something so small like that. I can barley sleep, everynight i will have a dream about someone dying. I can barley concentrate. Im stupidly irritable too, which is starting to affect my relationship. I feel like people are always judging me and i always feel embarresed. I dont know if i should wait it out and see if i get better because she only died just over a month ago, or go to the doctor. But everytime i think about going i go all weird again.
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