I dont know what to do?

Posted , 6 users are following.

From a young age ive always worried about stuff, stupid stuff, but ill focus on something real small. Like if someone snaps at me or if i say something stupid thats all ill think about all day. I remember having panic attacks really early on but i didnt recognise what they were. Ive always had to check stuff like even if i dont use the cooker, ill keep going in the kitchen to make sure its off or keep checking the taps are off or the door is locked. Anyway ive always been ok with it, i could manage it on my own. My mum died not long ago, she comitted suicide and ever since ive been really bad. I feel on edge all the time. I get heart palpatations everyday, i feel like im going to be sick and really nervous before i go to work, i get all shaky and clumsy when im at work. If i mess up even a little bit like if i drop money when im passing it to a customer i go all hot and feel like theyre judging me. Like something so small like that. I can barley sleep, everynight i will have a dream about someone dying. I can barley concentrate. Im stupidly irritable too, which is starting to affect my relationship. I feel like people are always judging me and i always feel embarresed. I dont know if i should wait it out and see if i get better because she only died just over a month ago, or go to the doctor. But everytime i think about going i go all weird again. sad

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Dear Katie

    You really need to see your doctor, it's too early to be working when you're so hurt and confused. They will be able to help you,maybe by giving you counselling. It's normal to check things as you do - do you live alone? Please do see a doctor, I can't imagine how you're trying to cope with such an enormous loss. Take someone with you they don't have to be in with you when you see the doctor. I am thinking of you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Katie, sorry to hear about your troubles and mother, you sound like your suffering.

    i agree with Clare138, you need professional help which is there for you, anxiety causes you to have those feelings and thoughts plus it sounds like you have a depressive side.

    You need to build your strength up and deal with the thoughts you have in a different way which CBT should help you with.

    You deserve the help and you deserve to be well, and yes your mothers death will inevitably have an effect on you but do go see your GP and make a double appointment so you have time to express and explain your thoughts and feelings.

    Please let us know how you get on but rest assured with the right help and possibly meds you will improve.


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  • Posted

    Hello Katie, I am sorry about your mum it must be awful for you. I know how the pain of losing someone to suicide can be devastating because you are left with questions. ( my husband and nephew both commited suicide. ) You need to see your GP and tell them how you are feeling, you may need berevement counselling to get through this. There are several parts to berevement including shock, acceptance, guilt to name a few. A month is very early days so please seek help. Your GP can help you with medication as well, it does sound like your suffering anxiety. You do not say how old you are but whatever age losing your mum is difficult. I do think counselling will help you, as family members are too close emotionally to support you as they are suffering also. I do know with suicide it takes longer to accept what has happened and there are lots of issues around rejection. Have you any close friends you can talk with in the mean time as bottling things up will make you feel worse. I do feel for you as my two daughters lost their dad even thou they were young at the time, it still affects them even now. If you want to pm me i will try and help you as much as i can. Sending big hugs.

    Best wishes.



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  • Posted

    Hi Katie,

    I cannot possibly imagine what you are going through. My Mum died last August from cancer aged 57, and that was horrendous, so what you are experiencing is truly horrid. I am experiencing some of my own health & anxiety issues at present, no doubt hugely enhanced by what happened to my Mum. You are very brave to come here and discuss your feelings.

    I am quite the same as you on many levels, I worry about small things, am always doing things like making sure things are turned off and doors are locked etc.

    Someone once told me that when you do things like this, and are experiencing these things and behaviours, try and imagine that you are a 3rd person watching this happen - ie - if someone snaps at you, you are a 3rd person who is watching what is happening. For expample, at my old work we had a customer who was always rude and nobody liked her. She spoke to you like you were dirt. Didn't matter if she was challenged on it or not. Then when you look at it from the 3rd person perspective, you think "this lady is very rude, but you don't actually know if there is a reason for it". There could be many, many reasons why she's like it but it sure isn't your fault. The same with someone who snaps at you. You don't know if anything else is going on. Now imagine a 3rd person watching you checking the door is locked time after time, and making sure the cooker is off. Of course you should always be safe and secure, but they would think "why is this person doing it again and again".

    For me I think it's trust, I don't trust people to do things properly, so think if I do it, and something goes wrong, I will only have myself to blame.

    My thoughts are either that you should see a Doctor (one that knows you a bit preferably), or do you have a family member or friend that you know will listen to you and maybe just a shoulder to cry on?

    Well done for coming on here xx

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  • Posted

    Thankyou everyone. Im only 20, i have two young children, which in a way make its more difficult. My youngest will be 1 this month and its killing me she wont be here for that.  This time last year she was so excited to meet him and now shes not around anymore and i dont think ill ever be able to understand or cope with that.
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    • Posted

      Ooh Katie I am so sorry. Sounds like typical bereavement too, I've been through the same. I agree with Elizabeth you need some bereavement counselling and to see your gp. Bereavement and loss is a biggie and fraught with all kinds of strong and scary feelings. Stirs everything up and undermines your sense of security. I wish you the very best. Take care. X
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