1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

I dont want to live no more but sadly taking my life is not easy

Posted , 3 users are following.

yasmin07057
yasmin07057

I am a 22 year old female coming from a very narrow minded culture. When i was 17 i had a relationship with a guy who raped me and i stayed purely because my culture says the person you lose your virginity to, you would have to marry. We stayed together for 2 years despite him treating me shit sometimes( or maybe more but i just dont want to admit) he cheated on me many times and because of that i lost my trust and i became controlling. One day he had enough boarded the plane left the country and somehow i tracked him down as i felt i was in love and trying desperately to find out he hasnt left. He told me he dont love me and i should just move on. That day i felt my heart break into million pieces and since then it hasnt been mended. Three years later i cannot stop thinking about him day and night. As a result i have ended with my guys who actually just use me and afterwards i feel even more hurt knowing no one actually cares. So its not just getting hurt by a guy but my actual scars renew. I suffer from clinical depression. I have been diagnosed 6 month ago as i finally wanted to get help. I refuse to take pills as i believe how would pills make the root cause of the problem better. I been drinking heavily like a bottle of wine a day just to escape reality. For the past 3 weeks i have stopped. But after meeting a guy who also used me i been having an urge to drink. I wish i can get better and get out of this cycle sad also i have failed in my studies last year and im normally a successful person and dont want to give up but it is too hard where there you cant see the light at the end of the tunnel. Lastly, i have had a bad childhood where i used to see my dad beat up my mum every night or he will get drunk and demand sex and if she refused he would be mad at her. So all these has got me to this here. I really want to help myself as i want to be the successful motivated person i was. Even if back then i was pretending it was better than now. Im such a mess and i dont even know how anyone can help me hence why i want to escape this world and rest forever.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • richard89308
    richard89308

    Posted

    Hi,

    can you see that your bad relationship choices stem from bad experiences. And so does your mother's bad experience from being beaten up. If you could find the right person you would be a lot happier but it seems to me that you are making the same mistakes in choosing losers who are abusive.

    Try and stay off alcohol as it only is a crutch and you will find your judgement clouded.

    Anti depressants would work better in the long run and then you can rebuild your life.

    I hope you are in a better place without your ex

    best wishes

    Richard

  • jus98935
    jus98935

    Posted

    The first step ask for help is hard even harder once its out known to family & friends.Too often we eera a face to cover our black fog aroûund us.Its getting harder to cope withe. false smile.Im the peace keeper of the family & now im the one who shouts & feels hard done too,tearful why me why do i have to always help others & ignore my own welfare
  • athol91131
    athol91131

    Posted

    Dear Jasmin

    You still are a successful and motivated person, it's just, at the moment, it has gone underground because you have been badly hurt by life. I think you need to acknowledge how badly you have been treated and be as kind to yourself as you can be. If it was your best friend who had these experiences, what would you say to them? how would you take care of them? Treat yourself gently. You need time to recover. Keep away from men and drink for the time being. They are bringing you pain. You might want to look at whether you are punishing yourself because you may believe at some level that what has happened to you is your fault. It isn't! You have been raped and abused. Your human trust has been broken. You need time to repair. There are good people out there

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.