I drink about ~200 units a week, quit jobs to drink and I can’t stop.

I’m 17, drank heavily for 3 years, with the drinking getting worse and worse. on an average day I’ll probably drink a bottle of vodka, a bottle of buckfast (heavily, heavily caffeinated and very strong tonic wine, a cultural thing in scotland), a six pack or four pack, whisky and sometimes more. On weekends I can easily end up drinking a lot more.

My friends and me are all skaters and that type so we all left school early but before that I was drinking a lot. The problem is now that I’ve quit jobs and turned down every opportunity for my future just to drink, as I’m writing this I’m wondering how I’ll pay rent to my gran for today. Pretty much any money I get goes to alcohol same with all my friends, when we run out of money (a daily occurrence being all unemployed) we have went to stupid lengths getting alcohol, usually people give us money, I am not going to say I have but people literally have run out shops with spirits setting off the beepers but just running.

Me and one friend try a lot to stop but my happiness is totally dependant on alcohol, even the next day I am shaky, sweats etc but it’s mostly just being sad and not running from problems that really hits. My friend and me agreed to go to rehab and it seemed like a good idea but I don’t know how or if I could. As for what people think, old friends from school and stuff when I meet them all know about it, even people I haven’t seen in years and my family don’t really care or talk about it, but they are usually like that with everything.

I should add I almost died from alcohol on a few occasions, dehydration from binge drinking for days with no actual juice or water, alcohol poisoning to a blind state twice, throat problems that needed surgery but after surgery I can't feel spirits and can drink them like water. I'm completely unpredictable when I drink and I have lots of scars from bottle fights and I cut most of my thumb off through the web completely alcohol related, only to wrap a covid mask and keep drinking. This is very lengthy but I'm worried about dying or harming others.

Has anyone been here, or worse and how are you now, what helped you etc. Because I’ve caused so many problems, don’t know how to fix them and know I need help. Thank you.

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