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Hey there. Let me start by saying. I have never done one of these before and want to keep it anonymous so I am sorry if I leave some details out.
I don't feel like anyone wants to listen to everything that went on because I would be here all day. The brief of it is. I was verbally and occasionally physically bullied from year 3 up until now. For around 9-10 years I was pushed. Sworn at. Put down. Excluded from groups. Victimised by a few teachers. Hated in my year. Basically just anything you can think of to do with bullying. And the teachers wouldn't do anything but cover it up or tell me I was the problem.
I don't know if this was the cause of me right now but I am pretty sure. I feel bad. I am not motivated. I hardly try. I don't feel like life is worth it right now. It just seems like nobody cares. I have a girlfriend and I feel like she has saved my life in many ways. But that doesn't help. I got her after all of the s**t. I am having councillors but I changed because I didn't trust her.
I have a really bad memory. Like terrible. My parents think I am lazy but I literally can't remember anything. I forgot my brother's birthday the other week.
I don't know what to do. Everytime I try to do work. My mind will ether go somewhere else or get a headache.
I am consistently worried and nervous about everything. Like I imagined that I was going to bite off my wrists in my sleep and bleed to death. And didn't sleep until my body shut down that night.
I can't visualise. Like there is nothing there when I think of a sunset or whatever. I say whatever comes into my head when talking to people. I take everything literally and don't really get jokes
I have probably left a million details out. Feel free to ask whatever about this situation. I just want help. I don't know what to do. I am failing my courses and I am pretty sure that I am going to fail college if something doesn't change and my whole life will be ruined.
This is not a joke and everything I have said I would like to be taken seriously.
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