I feel like i'm a viscious circle and have no escape with this anxiety and depression

Get one thing straight, you are NOT a failure. You are suffering with a most dibillitating illness & most other people just don't understand it, because outwardly, you probably look& sound fine. I had to give up work early because of severe health issues. I became very depressed as I, like you,felt a failure, my wife was working & that made it worse. The depression stayed with me & I now take medication for it as well as other physical ailments. I just turned 65 & only recently come to terms with the feelings of failure. You are by no means alone in this, you did well posting your message for one thing. Comunicate with others, it can do a lot of good to see how other people in your position handle things. 

 

Hey NSP

I have found that sharing your feelings on this site certainly helps as you are talking to people who do understand your situation as we are all suffering in the same way. Lee34449 has summed it all up depression and anxiety is very debilitating and we've all had triggers that started it off. You do need to be honest with your G.P about your feelings but even they are human and don't always understand where we're comming from!!!! I'm 53yrs old and my G.P was horrified when I told him my mum (72yrs old by the way) was of the old school "You don't need Happy Pills!! Pull yourself together!!" and that I even at my age was worried about what she would think of me taking them..... he then turned round and said "You're a grown woman you can think for yourself!!!" Yes I can think for myself but one of my serious problems is always wanting to keep people happy.

Keep your chin up and keep talking to us it does help believe me as we all come at these problems from different angles and we DON'T JUDGE remember that 

You are not a failure your a human being!

Many people will suffer depression and

Anxiety sometime in their lives. I am

Also a sufferer after my baby girl passed

Away while I was in labour.....i blamed my

Self and still do 1 1/2 years on, are you on

Any medication? Talking on this site has

Helped tremendously! Does your DR know

How you feel? If not show him what you

Have typed here.

If you would like me to answer any question

I will with 100% honestly, my anxiety is

Out of control.....if my door knocks I hide

Behind my sofa shaking like a leaf and my

Heart beating ten to the dozens and

Missing beats.

When you feel panicky try deep breathing

And tell yourself THIS WILL PASS I promise it will pass with some good antidepressants I wish you all the luck in the world.

Please take care of yourself and stay strong I will be thinking of you, much love

Kate

X

Well, there are some activies you can do and write is one of them. Start out with  if only one line, then comes a second to make some sense of the first and build one more point. Then describe both to yourself as if you had no clue what they are. After a week you will have chapter one if your first book. Subject matter ? You have become and expert on pleasing mom and doc ( by playing at applying ); you have mastered avoiding crowds with a zillion excuses, and you have taken step #1 in writing in here. Also if you care to improve any writing skills there are courses on line. You can publish books sitting at home never leaving the nest. Read about some authors who never left the ranch. Now as for friends who needs them in your face but on line is cool. Family, thatis over rated. Disapppointment ? meaningless feeling , hell you will disappoiint yourself now and then too. Small steps , one sentence about anything. take care and tell the world how nice it is to be online 24/7 and able to just write anything  you like.

Your confidence is low because of your depression, people here understand.  Have you got a mental health drop in centre in the next town wher you could go for support.  Maybe you could try some online courses to get you into something you enjoy learning about.  These courses are on the future learn site.  They cost nothing and there are a variety of subjects.  I have done several courses now for pleasure, there are many courses that can lead to a trade.  You can interact like you do here and nobody knows you.  There are courses which will help build your confidence and self esteem.  You have nothing to loose, give it a try.  I understand how you feel seeing others with families etc and how you feel isolated.  Have you a farm nearby, maybe you could help a little with the animals.  I don't know what you are interested in so i am just trying to think of things that will build your confidence.  Have you a library to visit, see whats on offer.

Hoping this helps.

Elizabeth.