I feel like I’m dying…or want to die.

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I just had a test today (an anorectal manometry) to see how my muscles may be involved in pushing what feels to be stuck....The test exhausted me - when i got home - I was hoping the urge to go would not come - but as usual it did...I could not get it out - after 2 enemas - and right now I'm hoping to sleep after drinking wine and a anti-anxiety pill. This has been going on for about 6 months... and my Dr. is trying to do tests to figure out what's going on...I got SO scared tonight - after 2 enemas and swtill feeling stuck - that I decided to escape from it all - drink wine with an anxiety pill. I just want to sleep through itl.I dont' know what's wrong with me - I was normal most of my life but for the past 6 months it changed....I;ve tried a lot of thing, tonight was the worst..I really feel as if might die from this..I don't want to die...want to fix me...

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