I feel like I'm getting better but have I fallen out of love?

Posted , 7 users are following.

I've been on Wellbutrin XL for about 5 months now and finally my mood is happier and I want to do more things that interest me. I don't mind getting out to see friends as much, which was a huge issue before. But over the past two weeks, I've wanted aboslutely nothing to do with my boyfriend of about 3 years. We live together, and he hasn't done anything wrong for me to feel like this. 

But I can't stop thinking about wanting to be away from him or break up with him. We don't have much in common, but we've always worked well together. I've always been attracted to him, too. But now I look at him and can't even see that. I don't want to be intimate at all, not even sit with our arms touching on the couch. I want to be with my friends or talk to my friends online more than I want to be home with him. 

I don't understand why I feel like this. It is something with my medicine or have I just simply fallen out of love? How do I even handle that? 

As a side note, I've noticed recently that even though he tries, it's very apparent that he can't handle my anxiety or depression as much. He's always been as supportive as he can be, but when I try to get him to reaffirm our relationship and his confidence in it, he just says that he knows my depression and anxiety won't last forever (my doctor said it was likely caused by a car accident and may go away after time). I can't help but feel guilty that he has to deal with this and angry that he can't deal with this at the same time.

I don't want to have this conversation if it's just my depression talking - I can't afford to live alone and not have his support at the moment.

I'm completely lost.

 

2 likes, 9 replies

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi smile I don't have much advice to give but I can defnitely relate in some ways. Me and my girlfriend of a year broke up the other week , and a massive part was to do with her not being able to handle me at my worst (with depression). I think part of my infactuation with her was to do with depency and loneliness surrounding my depression. When I'm in a better state, I tend to feel less towards her, so maybe that's how you are feeling now you are better- maybe it was more dependence than love, but either way if you aren't into him now, you should talk to him about it. 

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  • Posted

    Wow I would say be careful before you break up think about this carefully. You could suggest a break from each other to see how you both feel.
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    • Posted

      I am definitely taking my time, I don't want to make a huge mistake that I don't mean. But the issue with a break is that we live together and there aren't many places each of us could stay at in the mean time. My doctor recently reccommended me to a therapist so hopefully they can give me some help, too. 

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  • Posted

    When my slide into depression first started in 2015, and before I even knew I was ill, my emotional reactions started to change. I had just retired and my husband, of nearly 18 years, and I had just bought a condo. I was happy to finally be retired and I loved our new home. I gradually noticed that I wasn't as excited and happy as I should be. I also started to wonder if I even wanted to be with him anymore. I thought it was just so many changes coming so quickly that I just needed to get settled in our new home and things would get back to normal. In May of 2015 I realized that I was getting worse, not better. My doctor started me on antidepressants in June. At first they didn't help at all. I was down all the time. I didn't want to do anything or see anybody. I had to be forced to go shopping or to the doctor. In July a psychiatrist diagnosed me with MDD with psychosis. Since then I have been taking 300 mg venlafaxine and 15 mg mirtazapine. I'm happier and sleeping better now than I have in years. You said you are starting to feel better and are interested in things you enjoy again, and even going out with friends is tolerable. If you don't feel completely like yourself yet though, you may need more time to decide how you feel about your relationship. Try not to do anything drastic that you might not be able to undo until you  are feeling completely normal again. Depression is the worst thing I have ever gone through and it definitely affects your thought processes and emotions. Let us know how you are doing, and feel free to share on this site.

    Take care,

    Phyllis

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  • Posted

    Only you can make that decision if the relationship is failing. Sometimes AD medications can change our outlook to life and those around us. Did the car accident happen when you were out together or is that not related to the accident ?

    All I can suggest is you both talk and work out your new needs, Mental health can change our needs and this can change our ideas and decisions, 

    BOB

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    • Posted

      Hi Pandy, you should wait till you are out of your depression. Antidepressants can make your feelings numb - no emotions. You want to be alone and don't want anyone around. You can't make decisions. You are struggling all the time from your depression.

      You should read side effects of antidepressants in detail. It will help you to understand how the medicine can effect your mental and physical self.

      When you are feeling really down you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. It will not upset him and you will have a better understanding of each other and feel less guilty.

      Keep in touch.

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    • Posted

      No, I was alone when the accident happened. We were dating then but not living together yet.

      Thank you, I'll think about how to talk to him. I'm afriad that if I talk to him about how I feel it's going to crush him - he doesn't understand the mentality of anything I'm going through so everything comes across to him blatently and personally. He is supportive but doesn't understand. I just can't find the words to explain how I feel without hurting our relationship. 

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    • Posted

      I have read that anti depressants can make you feel numb. Maybe I'm not realizing that I am because I feel so relieved that I'm not filled with sadness or hatred or anything like that anymore. Thank you, I'll be sure to mention that so he understands better. 

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    • Posted

      Be firm and kind when talking to your Boyfriend, it will take time for Him to understand as mental health matters  to those who have not suffered from  them can take time and understanding.

      It all depends on the bottom line, the relationship and what it means to you

      BOB

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