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Hello everyone, sorry if it's not gonna be understandable, but i'll try to explain everything thoroughly. First of all, I want to point out that I'm 17 y.o., but my mental state resembles a childs one. All I want is to stay in the cute little world of mine, my comfort zone, that resembles an adorable little fairy tale, but I always feel that reality shatters it. I'm about to apply for the university, but thoughts of adult life, responsibility, work, doing hard and adult things kills me. I can't show it to anyone since my mother is really strict on this matter, but all these thoughts are driving me crazy, I'm on the verge of tears even now, when I write this. I'm not antisocial, but I certainly am insecure and it's hard to carry out responsibilities. I'd say I'm totally incompetent of this, but I actually success in everything. The problem is, I feel like everything I do that actually scares me (work, socializing) isn't done by me, but by someone else. I'm still inside of my body, I'm still talking or doing stuff, but it's as if I turn on confidence and charm but turn off myself. Wherever I start being charismatic and confident I feel blank. As if it's a doll talking, and the actual me hides somewhere in behind of my body. I don't really understand what it is, so don't get mad if this has nothing to do with the forum topics whatsoever, I just have no one else to tell that to. Thank you for reading, and I hope someone here can help me understand what's the matter with me.
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