i feel like im dying

You are definitely not alone ☹️  Everyone around me is alw having fun and really enjoying their lives, like we all should be!  I am afraid to go anywhere in case I feel dizzy or start panicking when I am out!  Sometimes I can’t even make it to the grocery store.

I do a lot of research on the subject of peri/menopause and I have been for about 9 years since my carnival of symptoms started.  I do a lot of research on the internet but also have talked to many doctors, naturopaths and psychologists because I happen to have worked with many different people through my own career.  I came across a website last night apparently it was a woman’s blog about how sick and tired she is over women airing their menopause problems and symptoms all over the internet saying that all women go through it and basically just to deal with it because no one wants to hear it anymore.  Oh,  that was it for me, I registered on her site and left her a comment I am sure she will never forget.  To assume that all women get the same symptoms just because she had an easy time of it doesn’t mean that everyone has an easy time of it.  I provided her with some real facts about the reality we live daily and ended it by saying that I will talk about anytime and anywhere I so choose.   Lol I was fuming to think that another menopausal woman just dismissed other suffering women!  Ahhhh well, I got to say what I had to say.

I had no one. No mom no grandma no aunt no cousin no friend no one to tell me hey heavy periods are normal just eat chicken livers and cook in iron, no one to tell me that the gasping and waking up every 30 seconds and heart racing was just hormones. I have been in a living hell for going on 6 years now.

But ladies. ..CHECK THIS OUT! THE ANTI-MULLERIAN HORMONE TEST otherwise known as AMH will predict (within a few months give or take) exactly WHEN YOU WILL HIT MENOPAUSE! Just look it up on the internet, the best articles are on Science Daily and Researchgate (dot) net. This simple blood test that your doctor can order measures the amount of the hormone put off by remaining eggs in the ovaries. Remaining eggs= more periods. Less eggs= less periods until menopause. NO EGGS = MENOPAUSE or as the research team calls it, AMP.

I had the test done when I was 41. At that time it was 0.22 which is low- between the 10th and 25th percentile of the average for that age of amh measurement. So they predict that I would hit full blown menopause between ages 44.5 and 47.6. I am 46.5 now. So. ...we will see if that is correct! I certainly can look back and track all the progression of symptoms the last 6-7 years so I do believe I must be at least close. I started missing periods 2 years ago. Anyway. ...they use this test on young women to predict when they will hit menopause so they don't put off having children then end up at 41 (like I did) with very few good quality eggs. I stopped having normal ovulation at 41. I know because I used to get monthly pains at that time and they got fewer and fewer. So I do believe in the validity of that test and it is registered with the National medical institute as documented fact. I remember I cried when they told me the number was low because I wanted to conceive. Now I am so happy it was low because that means I can be closer to getting past it all! I used to smoke and I'm thin. 2 things that are proven to in general lower the age of onset of menopause. Anyway. ...highly recommend you search: "AMH test to predict age at menopause"

And then get the test! It will give you a window of time that you will definitely hit full menopause.

valuable predictor of menopause [8]. It is considered that the level of AMH is very low, or even below detectable limits approximately 5 years before menopause [5]. According to some research [9] the time of menopause may be predicted via a mathematical model on the basis of a single AMH measurement and the age of the patient. The obvious value of this study is the age of study group participants (20-49 years), which enables the implementation of the model in very young women and predicts the time of menopause even several decades earlier. The authors observed an even reduction in AMH levels in all age groups over 6 years of observation of the study cohort. Sowers et al. [10] also demonstrated that AMH measurement and the use of a statistical model precisely predicted the time of menopause. However, no young women were included in their study. Freeman et al. [11] reported that the levels of AMH < 0.2 ng/ml occurred on average 5.99 years prior to menopause in women aged 45-48 years and 9.94 years in women aged 35-39. As regards AMH values over 1.5 ng/ml, menopause occurred on average after 6.23 years in the older group and after more than 13 years in the younger group. A prospective study by Broer et al. [12] included over 250 women who underwent tests at baseline (age 21-46) and after 11 years. It was demonstrated that the time of menopause may be precisely determined on the basis of AMH level and the patient’s age, plus other factors such as smoking (accelerated onset by 3 years), BMI & ethnicity.

Another thing is contributing factors. For example I have Dysautonomia which causes anxiety due to central nervous system dysfunction and low blood pressure among other things. And some folks have less Seratonin and dopamine in their brains to soothe them and make them feel "ok". That's why some ladies sail thru this and others suffer.

Girlfriend if you are "running" anywhere, You are doing alot better than me! 😃 Running? What's that? I used to run 3 miles a day. Sigh. What the hell happened? ?

One thing I recommend ya'll all get is a Fitbit heart tracker wrist watch thingie. It can help you learn to relax and control your anxiety. It also monitors your resting heart rate over time so you can see any improvement. I love it-you can get them on ebay and amazon.

Do any of ya'll get to where you mostly just feel safest and most comfortable at home? Like if you're out too long or in a busy place where maybe you can't sit down if you need to or whatever then you become "body conscious" and aware and start to feel funny. ..heart racing or faint or just anxious? I hate that. But I do get it. I like to be able to control when/where/how long I'm out. Or sometimes I don't feel good enough to go really. My bed is my haven. ... my little nest! I do go out and I do stuff because I have to and sometimes I miss "the world" but largely I'm happy in my little safe space! I was so weak for so long that now if I can even paint a dresser I'm thrilled! Lol. My anemia must be getting much better because I'm sometimes jumping around like a rabbit! But I'm still not 100% by any means. Anemia feels like trying to run in a swimming pool or wade through quicksand. Very weird and awful feeling. I heard about "lucky iron fish" which you can also get on ebay and amazon and you just boil it in water and you get your daily dose of iron without all the pills side effects. If ya'll have heavy periods you should get one and be cooking in cast iron pans! I swear by it and also I eat fortified corn flakes all day long. ... yummy and you'll get all your vitamins! Could be any fortified cereal though I suppose.

How did I become so wise you ask? 😆😁😄

Many many hours of research during the darkest days. ..

This is a little info I found interesting because it does prove to some extent that we feel all messed up from the the ups and downs of estrogen, meaning when we are imbalanced, that’s when all of these horrible symptoms come and go as if our bodies are confused and don’t know what to do    

                     “Estrogen and Postmenopausal Depression

At menopause, estrogen levels fall to very low levels. Interestingly, taking oral estrogen does not improve depression in women after menopause. In large trials evaluating hormone replacement therapy, women taking estrogen reported the same mental health as women taking placebo. After menopause, women's rates of depression fall, becoming similar to men of the same age.”                        I find this to be a glimmer of hope and this is partially why I don’t want HRT.  I feel I should just let my body balance it out itself without throwing anything else in the mix that may unbalance it more.  I don’t know, it’s all I got to hang on to right now lol.