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I feel like killing myself

Posted , 8 users are following.

samija
samija

Hi. I'm in desperate need of help. This has been the worst year of my life. I am only 17 but I feel like giving up and that my life is going nowhere. A close friend of mine died just before Christmas. I dropped out of college. I do the same thing every single day. I've got nothing to be excited for anymore. Absolutely nothing. I just get up, do whatever, go out to meet my group of mates, chill all day and then go home for 9pm. I used to love chilling with them but now I'm kinda forcing myself out because I can't stand my house and it's stresses. The thing that has made this all worse is that me and my boyfriend have gone on a break so he can focus on his training. I feel like the one person I love the most in the world doesn't care anymore; we don't speak as much, he just doesn't seem bothered. I know he's probably busy but I get so paranoid as I care about him and the relationship we had so much. I want to tell him how I feel but I don't want to stress him out and I'm fearful he'll throw me away. Im anxious and paranoid every single day. Also I found out something very serious the other day which has topped it all off. I don't want to die but I feel it's the only option. I can't speak to my family, my boyfriend or even my friends. I don't trust anyone and I'm scared of being judged. I am getting CBT at the hospital but my feelings are so strong I need advice now of someone or at least someone with a similar experience. Please.

2 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • amanda35274
    amanda35274 samija

    Posted

    Hi samija uve come to the right place to talk. Although u should definately go to.hospital if ur feelings of suicide are imminent.. ur so young with soooo much to live for. & whilst things may feel awful now they have for me many tyms i have gotten well as theres a part of me that wants 2live, just not in emotional pain ( torture ) id prefer to refer it to. Whatever u found out samija talk to a college counsellor maybe a dr who has to kp your conversation confidential. Dont kp it in. It will become a mountain your too young to handle alone. My daughters 13 & it would break my heart if she ever felt as i have or u are now. I have been hospitalised a few tyms in life b4 i had my daughter and never thought id survive. Honestly u can!!! Right now u wont believe me.. uve lots of the world to see, family, friends & your boyfriend to share many good times with when ur happy and fighting fit.. yr not alone now xx kp talking and seek help at the hosp strait away if yr feelings are too strong. All the best of luck sweetheart. Xxx i know how you feel. ????

  • maria_1963
    maria_1963 samija

    Posted

    Just wanted to say you are young , you have so much more to explore in life , i can relate you your distress over your friend passing away , what would she be saying to you if was still here ? , try an think of the postives an weigh them against the negatives , please take care , so many of us can relate to you an what you are going through , if you were in the UK then i would had suggested Samaritans , MIND both of who are fantastic charities for those with mental health illness xx
    • maria_1963
      maria_1963 amanda35274

      Posted

      Thanks amanda , it is just that i found out last week that there is an increase of suicides in my County which i could relate to but what distressed me so much was the youngest person - they were 17 years old - that age are just starting out in the real world , so much out there , so much to experience , enjoy , possibly have a family in the years to come , causes me much sadness that someone so young feels there is no way forward , take care amanda , have a good weekend xxx 
    • amanda35274
      amanda35274 maria_1963

      Posted

      I know i was feeling that way @ 9 yrs old... obv didnt act on the feelings till i was 16. Luckily i wasnt successfull. I know it saddens me too its a horrid illness it really is xx hoping u have a good wkend too maria xx
  • borderriever
    borderriever samija

    Posted

    Samija

    What Has gone wrong that you feel you will be judges ?

    BOB

  • betty47942
    betty47942 samija

    Posted

    No, you do not want to die... people who speak of this in this manner are simply hurting a LOT and so very much are crying our for HELP...

    I wish you would have someone to encourage to get BACK into college... You are giving all your focus and attentiion to the drama that is now going on in your life and its no wonder it hurts so badly!

    Could you possibly speak to you CBT counselor and convince them that you need more personal one on one help...because you do...

    Your boyfriend IS doing the right thing about realizing he needs to focus on his training... Very often when we feed needy, we tend to expect others to make us 'feel better' or think that their attention to us will solve our problem. Nope. Doesn't work that way! smile

    You are an EXCELLENT writer, Samija...you really are... I so wish you would get back into college, realize how much you have to offer, believe in YOURSELF, and just know it WILL all turn out OK. Sometimes it just doesn't seem like it. Best wishes to you...always!

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