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Hi. I'm in desperate need of help. This has been the worst year of my life. I am only 17 but I feel like giving up and that my life is going nowhere. A close friend of mine died just before Christmas. I dropped out of college. I do the same thing every single day. I've got nothing to be excited for anymore. Absolutely nothing. I just get up, do whatever, go out to meet my group of mates, chill all day and then go home for 9pm. I used to love chilling with them but now I'm kinda forcing myself out because I can't stand my house and it's stresses. The thing that has made this all worse is that me and my boyfriend have gone on a break so he can focus on his training. I feel like the one person I love the most in the world doesn't care anymore; we don't speak as much, he just doesn't seem bothered. I know he's probably busy but I get so paranoid as I care about him and the relationship we had so much. I want to tell him how I feel but I don't want to stress him out and I'm fearful he'll throw me away. Im anxious and paranoid every single day. Also I found out something very serious the other day which has topped it all off. I don't want to die but I feel it's the only option. I can't speak to my family, my boyfriend or even my friends. I don't trust anyone and I'm scared of being judged. I am getting CBT at the hospital but my feelings are so strong I need advice now of someone or at least someone with a similar experience. Please.
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