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i feel my anxiety is getting the better of me

Posted , 5 users are following.

kieronS
kieronS

Hi all, well where do i start im a 21 year old lad, unemployed live with my girlfriend and son in a house. I devoloped severe anxiety nearly a year ago, i was a cannabis smoker of 5 years an was still smoking it at this time , an not really doing anything with my newborn child i felt down about where i was at 20 years old, no job, felt like i had no life etc,then one day i was on the way down my friends on my bike an all of a sudden my breathing went really funny, an as i got to his house i felt a sense of urgency to leave back then i put it to the side an didnt think anything of it.

5 months down the line i stopped the weed for 3 weeks at the point, an had an argument with my girlfriend an left the house on bad terms,i went to my dads an ended up having 3 beers within an hour (which im not a drinker at all) an decided to have a joint of cannabis after 3 weeks without,i came home smoked the joint an felt i needed to take a walk, 5 minutes into my walk was the worst reality check experience iv had. my left side of my body went from face to foot i couldnt feel a thing, i was scared an thought for 100% i was about to have a stroke, i rushed home an layed on my sofa i never felt so bad in my life i remember closing my eyes, an then re-opening them to me on the floor heavily breathing an shaking like i was in the north pole naked with my girlfriend standing above me in histerics, i shut them again an woke up to paramedics putting them sticky things on my chest. they told me to sit up on the seattie my speech was so slow an i felt very strange. i was told i had an anxiety attack an to go sleep an see how i woke up in the morning.

since that day which was nearly 8 months an 9 days ago now, my life has never been the same, i felt very un-socialable towards the world an didnt want to go out an do things, the physical symptoms were really hard to deal with for example when i walked anywhere i was majorly light headed,uneasy on my left side when i walked felt unbalanced an just felt like i wanted to sit down that continued up until i got a job offer as a glass collector in a pub in town i took the offer an the 1st day was great felt happy an fine, the next time i worked my balance was off,i was pale felt dead faint an funny an walked out half way through the shift an lost my job.

from that point iv tryed to battle these feelings by trying to exercise more, eating a little healthier etc the usual thing a doctor tells you if your anxious all the time, now iv felt the anxietys progressed more mentally, im constantly fearing something terrible is going to happen with my heart or myself e.g stroke, when my left side goes weird or when i feel a niggly pain in my chest i think 'am i about to have a heart attack' its just really getting the better of me an i feel il never feel normal again, the doctors gave me celapram tablets but i dont dare take them as i dont wanna get in a spiral of relying on something to make me happy. i hope someone out there has felt like this an can give me a glimmer of hope that it will go one day because i feel im the only one like this an nobody understands. thank you for reading any reply would be appreciated

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • kieronS
    kieronS

    Posted

    citalopram no celapram 
  • tracie20455
    tracie20455 kieronS

    Posted

    You do not need to suffer. See the doctor and ask for some therapy..CBT ( cognitive behaviour therapy) is very helpful! That's the dirst step, and you and your doctor can discuss medication, it can be just for a few months just to get you back on your feet again...and stay away from the weed, some people have the sort of personality that it just doesn't help them. I know how you are feeling as my story is similar, apart from the weed.... It will improve, but i do think you need to see the GP
    • kieronS
      kieronS tracie20455

      Posted

      thanks tracie and richard for your reply, iv always kind of knew the weed played apart in all of this an things seem to have got worser since i stopped 8 months back,although it was scary having my first attack of any sort im kind of glad it happend because it gave me the urgency to stay clear from it as i think now if i have it again that attack will happen again even if it does'nt i suppose its a good thought in a sense. i just cant wait for a day i go back to feeling me again i have been to the doctors an inquired about councelling/therapy 2 weeks back an i was told id have to wait for at least 8-10 months
  • richard89308
    richard89308 kieronS

    Posted

    citalopram may be a better alternative  than weed or booze.  Weed can cause mental health problems and it seems to have affected your circulatory system.

     

    • kieronS
      kieronS richard89308

      Posted

      thanks tracie and richard for your reply, iv always kind of knew the weed played apart in all of this an things seem to have got worser since i stopped 8 months back,although it was scary having my first attack of any sort im kind of glad it happend because it gave me the urgency to stay clear from it as i think now if i have it again that attack will happen again even if it does'nt i suppose its a good thought in a sense. i just cant wait for a day i go back to feeling me again i have been to the doctors an inquired about councelling/therapy 2 weeks back an i was told id have to wait for at least 8-10 months
  • kieronS
    kieronS

    Posted

    thanks tracie and richard for your reply, iv always kind of knew the weed played apart in all of this an things seem to have got worser since i stopped 8 months back,although it was scary having my first attack of any sort im kind of glad it happend because it gave me the urgency to stay clear from it as i think now if i have it again that attack will happen again even if it does'nt i suppose its a good thought in a sense. i just cant wait for a day i go back to feeling me again i have been to the doctors an inquired about councelling/therapy 2 weeks back an i was told id have to wait for at least 8-10 months.
  • plainden
    plainden kieronS

    Posted

    go to docs -i have been ill for years i'm sure + only really figured out that it was anxiety about 6 wks ago-it was so bad all i cld do was pace aroun the house as i cldnt sit still at all.it was SO bad.wnt to docs who put me on sertraline -been on just over  4wks and i am going into wk this afternoon for 1st time in weeks!! Get urself to docs,and if u get no help from one-go see another
    • kieronS
      kieronS plainden

      Posted

      hi sugarloaf thanks for reply, iv been in docs numerous times in the last 9 months seen at least 5-6 different docs an they all say its anxiety, me myself like you were are convinced that im ill an its not anxiety, iv been given citalopram tablets but im not sure if i want to start to rely on a drug to make me happy, but then saying that im not happy at the min im still kind of deciding at the min, have the tablets benefitted you in any way?
    • plainden
      plainden kieronS

      Posted

      yes they have-it took 4 weeks and am back to about 70% .After 2 i was feeling ok but had a rough time for the last 2 wks then woke up + felt pretty gd.i will be on these for 6 -12 months which is fine -if pills are gonna get u well then take them.
  • kieronS
    kieronS

    Posted

    thanks tracie and richard for your reply, iv always kind of knew the weed played apart in all of this an things seem to have got worser since i stopped 8 months back,although it was scary having my first attack of any sort im kind of glad it happend because it gave me the urgency to stay clear from it as i think now if i have it again that attack will happen again even if it does'nt i suppose its a good thought in a sense. i just cant wait for a day i go back to feeling me again i have been to the doctors an inquired about councelling/therapy 2 weeks back an i was told id have to wait for at least 8-10 months.
    • tracie20455
      tracie20455 kieronS

      Posted

      I think it would be an idea to get your name on that list if the wait is so long, and to explore other methods that will benefit you whilst you wait...meditation and being aware of your breathing is a huge help, as is some exercise daily
  • kieronS
    kieronS

    Posted

    hi sugarloaf thanks for reply, iv been in docs numerous times in the last 9 months seen at least 5-6 different docs an they all say its anxiety, me myself like you were are convinced that im ill an its not anxiety, iv been given citalopram tablets but im not sure if i want to start to rely on a drug to make me happy, but then saying that im not happy at the min im still kind of deciding at the min, have the tablets benefitted you in any way?
  • gillian26312
    gillian26312 kieronS

    Posted

    HI Kieron I hope you are feeling a little better from joining and getting some support.  mI think you should take your medication.  Im on citalopram too and whilst i feel a bit like you i think hey anythings better than feeling like this so its worth a try. 

    |Try and take one day at a time and i think you could benefit from therapy.  I know it sounds scary but once you go etc it is quite good and it is a tool to help you. 

    I try to distract myself alot which the therapist recommended and it does help when i am busy i dont think as much and i sleep better.  i have noticed over time that now even when im not busy i dont seem to panic or feel as anxiousso you should maybe give it a try.  i try getting out more even round the supermarket or walks with my husband and the children.  xxxx

     

  • dashpat
    dashpat kieronS

    Posted

    Firstly congratulations on giving up  weed, I think it is well known for causing mental health probs.

    We are given meds to rebalance the chemicals in our brain, when they are balanced we think more logically and dont become so anxious. We usually have to take them for at least 6 months after we feel well, sometimes longer and some of us have to stay on them forever cos thats just the way it is.

    It sounds like panic attacks as well as the anxiety and if you look up panic attack in the dictionary it says it is a feeling of 'impending doom' !! Once I learned that it made me realise what I had been suffering for many many years. I too (and many people I know ) thought many times I was having a heart attack, had cancer, brain tumour etc etc and once I even sat on the side of my bed at about 4 am in the morning, having not yet gone to sleep at all, trying to find my heart beat and panicking that I was going to die there and then !!! I knew I was being ridiculous but it didnt help, when I told the doctor she apologised for smiling, but it was ok cos I knew it was silly, but my anxiety preferred to think I was dying.

    Take the meds if the doctor has given them to you, expect to feel a little worse to begin with, make sure all of your family and friends know you are on them and warn them that you may feel a little worse first and can they look out for you until you feel better, and you WILL feel better eventually. Also as someone else says try to get some couselling/ CBT or any other help you can there is loads out there, especially for someone as young as you and also as you are out of work. Talk to people tell them how you feel, you will be surprised how many people suffer and or take meds for this type of thing. I and my partner have been taking meds on and off for many years, when you read this site you will realise you are not alone. Another thing I have found quite helpful is to write things down and also write down what you think might happen, I have pooh poohed that for years but I actually find that it has helped cus I can see that what I was worried about actually hasnt happened at all !!. take care and try to be as positive as you can be.

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