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A little about me im 25 i have a stressful job that i love and couldnt dream of doing anything else with my life. According to myers-briggs im an INFJ that being said i am very introverted but also like to be extroverted at times. I was diagnosed with depression about three years ago and felt emotionally and mentally i had hit rock bottom then. I had constant thoughts about my worth and why am i here and so on and so forth. I tried different medications and lexapeo seemed to be the best for awhile but eventually i found myself back at the same low that led me to meds in the first place. I decided then to go off of them that i would handle the peaks and valleys as they come head on. That has worked up until recently now i feel so lost and numb. Its like i am in a glass box watching the world pass by. It seems like everyone has someone to lean on except for me. I see people close to me making great strides in life and i am genuinely happy for them but on the other hand a bit jealous at the same time. I am an extremely empathetic person i am always there for my friends day or night big or small problems and about 1.5 years ago my best friend found out her husband cheated on her and he wanted a divorce it was a drawn out process and i was there for her every step of the way lots of tears and some triumphs i was there. She met her now husband and he seemed really great for her she was happy he was happy and it was great then one drunken night everything turned he got really mean and everything was downhill from there. A month or so went by i helped them move and she asked me to move in as she did not trust him he was making her crazy so i did because she felt she did not have an out at the time....i stayed there for a year there was a lot of fighting and tire slashing and name calling and just wrong doing on both of their parts. I was the mediator the one that would keep things calm between them their own personal therapist if you will. Being an empathetic person i felt both of their issues deeply it was a 24 hour a day feeling....the consequence my anxiety went through the roof and eventually i became bitter. I finally made the decision to move out their battle is not my battle eventually maybe our friendship will go back to what it was. i still talk to this friend occasionally we went from hanging out and talking all the time for the last 10 years to the occasional text which hurts but i try not to put to much emphasis on it. I know its him not her he has narcissistic behavior and is a stalker type like i said she is scared of him. Back to me i have been back home at my parents for about 6 months it was ok in the beginning but now i find myslef more times than not being a recluse. I usually work 6 days a week if i happen to have a weekend off instead of makingthe most of it i hide in my room in a blanket caccoon racking my brain of why i feel like i cant be social anymore. If i do go out with friends im usually uncomfortable and i require alcohol to loosen up a bit im not talking hammered drunk all the time but more times than not i end up drunk it all depends on how comfortable or uncomfortable i am in the situation. I refuse malls and other things that require me to be social with people. It truly feels like im only comfortable at work or home nothing else. I hate feeling this way i dont talk to my friends or family about it because i know they wont understand and ill feel worse in the long run. I just wish i didnt feel so isolated but it is a huge battle to want to just cut loose and be free of yourself its very tiring its a type of tired sleep cant fix though its body, mind, soul tired
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