I feel so disconnected and I have been having awful thoughts and I need help asap, please help.

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For about 3-4 years now I have thought I had depersonalization, recently I noticed that when it gets really quiet (at night when everyone is asleep) I start hearing things but not every single night. Not voices telling me to do things, I just hear people talking but i can't hear what they say. I hear them talking to one another quietly. I sometimes hear the television on or my brother playing video games but when I go to see who is awake, no-one is out there with the the in and my brother is not playing video games. My memory has gotten so bad that I can't remember anything before the age of 10, I barely remember anything before the age of 15, just small memories that don't really matter. I don't remember what day it is, I don't remember what month it is, I don't remember what I did the past week. I feel distant from the world, I feel like I literally live in my head, like my body just does what I want yet it isn't attached to me. I literally feel like i am inside my head just sitting here thinking to myself 24/7. I get depressed extremely badly when I'm alone at my house. I get awful thoughts of killing people after they hurt my loved ones mentally or physically. I brutally murder them, I break their necks, I sometimes fantasize that I have powers and I use them to kill people that are hurting my loved ones. Sometimes I have random thoughts of a family member naked and I immediately shake my head furiously to get the thoughts out of my head. I don't know why but I always have to have attention, I get depressed and tell some Friends that I am going to kill myself so that they will care for me and talk me out of it even though I have no intention of actually Killing myself. If I'm not in a relationship, I get extreme suicidal thoughts. I act erratic and I do things and say things that I don't understand why I do them. I get so attached to my friends that I always want to be around them 24/7. I haven't been home for more than a day in the past few weeks because of this. I am 17 btw. I smoke weed to forget the issues in my life and I smoke cigarettes Because of my anxiety and bc I'm addicted. I have extremely bad anger issues but I have learned how to suppress them. I don't know what is wrong with me but if I don't soon find out I am going to absolutely lose it. Please help me.

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  • Posted

    I dont know how to react and say when I read your issues.. I just felt that I have to say a word or two. I am not an expert but based on your testimonies I bet it has something to do with the effects of weed. Love yourself and be with the people you love. Talk to them about your problems and maybe u have to stop taking weed and observe what you feel. Hope this helps
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    • Posted

      I have been smoking weed for a while now and my issues were happening before I started, the only sanctuary I have is getting high rolleyes I told my dad about how I feel and he says he will get me help, that as about a month or 2 ago and I still haven't had any help

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    • Posted

      I have been smoking weed for a while now and my issues were happening before I started, the only sanctuary I have is getting high rolleyes I told my dad about how I feel and he says he will get me help, that as about a month or 2 ago and I still haven't had any help

      Report
  • Posted

    Hi, like Vikki weed is a bad idea what you need is professional help from a psychiatrist, don't know if your currently taking any meds but I think you could do with medication help and talking therapy. You sound like your really in a bad place with severe depression but you need to get it diagnosed and treated.

    Neil 

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    • Posted

      I have been smoking weed for a while now and my issues were happening before I started, the only sanctuary I have is getting high rolleyes I told my dad about how I feel and he says he will get me help, that as about a month or 2 ago and I still haven't had any help sad

      Report
  • Posted

    Hey! Such feelings and thoughts are really serious and facing these for 3-4 years is a lot of time. You should seek professional help in this matter so that these thoughts stop occuring. I recently consulted eWellness Expert which is an online platform wherein there are specialists who can help you out. Also I will advise you to stop taking things like cigarettes, weed because it can harm you in the long run in terms of your physical health.

    Hope this helps. Take care of yourself smile

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