I feel so empty and I don't know what to do anymore.
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi,
I'm so sorry for the long post but I would really appreciate you giving it a read and giving me some advice please.
So for the past year and a half or so I have been dealing with the feeling of sadness. It all started when I found out my ex partner took thousands of pounds from me and fraudulently made credit cards in my name working up huge amounts of debt. He completely betrayed my trust. It dragged out for a year while the police was dealing with the case. It was found as fraud, he got cautioned and I didn't get a penny back he took from me. Luckily the accounts he made I didn't have to pay off. In January it was in lots of papers and I got so much support, people just being there for me. But as time has gone on I feel like people expect me to have gotten over it but I don't think I have.
It got to the point I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone. I was feeling sadder as time went on and bottled everything up which would result in random break downs at work. I'd burst into tears thinking about it too much, I'd struggle to breathe and started having panic attacks. I very quickly started obsessing over things - locking my car 3 times, making sure the numbers on my sheets at work followed some sort of pattern and other things like that because I felt like that was the only thing I could control in my life and it made me feel better.
My outbursts started happening too often so a friend talked me into going to my gp. I eventually did and they said it sounded like I was struggling with depression and anxiety. She offered me tablets and councilling. I agreed to the councilling but she suggested it would help me calm down and deal with things better if I take tablets too. I agreed to a small dose I take daily. I feel like they've helped because I don't work myself up as much as I did. The counselling I found good being able to talk to someone who I could feel wasn't judging me. It was only a short term course and last around 8 weeks. He decided I was dealing with things better and thought it would be a good idea to see how I get on on my own. I was ok for a few weeks. Not happy but not feeling down. But over the past few months I can feel myself slipping again. I don't even know why anymore. I have just brought a house and it was put on hold because of the whole fraud case but I don't know if thats why I feel sad or not. I'm alright when I'm with people but then I get home, I'm on my own and I just sit and cry and I don't know why. I feel like I don't feel anything anymore and I get mad at myself for feeling this way. I just want to feel normal again and be happy but I'm finding it hard to believe I'l ever get that back. I feel so empty. Please help me I don't know what to do anymore 😔 xxx
3 likes, 6 replies
Crazycat cablackett
Posted
Betrayal of any kind is awful and hard to deal with as it changes our approach to our fellow man permanently, so yes you have changed but make it for the good, don't punish yourself and trust your gut.
I would like to add that PTSD is something I would research and go back to your GP as there is no time limit on your recovery, keep searching for help and accepting who you are now xxxx
cablackett Crazycat
Posted
Thankyou for replying. I have been considering for the past few weeks about going back to the doctors but I always change my mind. It took me ages the first time round and ended up being a friend who got me to go. Each day I've told myself I'm going to call and I never do. Why do I find it so hard to face xxx
frazzled cablackett
Posted
Hi cablackett: Sooooo sorrry you are suffering. You have been thru a terrible trauma and Crazycat gave you good advise re: talking to your doctor about PTSD. I've been battling depression with it's bed fellows -- panic disorder, seasonal affective disorder and obsesssive compulsive disorder for over 50 years.
I cannot stress too strongly that what you must do is REACH OUT like you did here. When you withdraw into yourself, you see what happens -- you sit alone at home and cry. I think you would greatly benefit from group therapy (I did). That is something else you can check into.
Unfortunately, there are several types of depression -- ones caused by external forces over which you have no control like what your ex-partner pulled on you and then there are internal forces -- chemical flows in your brain that can be helped at times by medication. You may want to discuss all this with your doc as well. But I do say, reach out -- call someone on the phone, take a walk, take a soothing bath, start practicing on changing the direction of negative thoughts (easy to say -- not easy to do) toward positive ones. Try to think about something that makes you feel really good when you start getting that feeling of what I call the "blue meanies" coming on.
All my best wishes to you. I know you can deal with this and there are people in the same boat in groups (even church groups) who are dealing with depression and having success. Also, getting a pet (a bird) might help. Just a thot. I did and it sure helped me when he tweeted hellos when I came home from work.
Get moving and good luck.
cablackett frazzled
Posted
Thankyou So much frazzled for your reply. It's easier to reach out on here and talk to people like yourself who has suffered with it too.
I am going to try and call the doctors tomorrow. I would definitely consider group therapy. I find it easier to talk to people who have or is suffering with depression.
I have been trying to do stuff to stop me from sitting there thinking about everything and then crying. It's just easier said than done.
Thankyou, I would really like to get over this and just feel normal again. I have considered a pet and decided I want to get a dog because I'l go out to walk it and il have something to sit with me when I'm chilling etc. I do think a pet is a great idea. I move into my new house next month so once im settled in im going to look into getting one.
Thankyou again for your reply, it means alot and was helpful xx
wayne1962 cablackett
Posted
Hi cablackett - how awful for you to go through that, what a betrayal. I am wondering if you are still on the meds? I can't understand why there is a limit on counselling - mental health issues are not cut and dried and affect everyone differently, just as the rate of recovery is different for all of us. Can you submit for counselling again? Meanwhile, don't blame yourself for what has happened - it can be easy to feel 'stupid' for 'letting' this happen, when in fact you were conned by a manipulator who thinks only of himself and completely betrayed your trust. I can't believe he just got cautioned, leaving him free to find another target.
cablackett wayne1962
Posted
Hi Wayne1962
Yes I'm still on the meds but I only take a small dose as I didn't want to go onto them. I'm not sure either. I was told that the councilling was for short term so if after 8 weeks or so they would let me go for 6 weeks or something then start me back up again. I could ring and ask if they can see me again. I was on a waiting list last time so it took 3 months to finally start seeing a councillor.
At times I do feel stupid and get mad at myself for letting it happen so I have to remind myself I had no control over it. I was too much of a trusting person. I have now learnt my lesson. Yes he o my got cautioned and I found out that I wasn't his first victim. Many other women contacted me when the story came out to say he'd done simular things to them but not quite to the extent he did to me. The police just don't do anything though. When I first went to the police they refused to take on the case because they said they don't deal with fraud. After weeks of ringing every other day they finally took the case on. He will do it again because he knows he can get away with it.