I feel stuck..

hey coto,

I just wanna say I understand how you're feeling. I have very similar feelings. I've had GAD and depression for over 10 years now. I have no real advice to give.....but wanted to say you're not alone. Best of luck... keep your chin up.

Many many are stUck but surprising you can achieve contentment in that. Practice and practice it and do that always through your life, it doesn't come easily so be prepared to stick it out for a long period You have your famile and a home - what about the hundreds homeless on the streets or those facing terminal illnesses and their families . For now it's a matter of learning to cope with 1 day at a time

Hi Coto, I too had to grow up quickly but am 60 this year so managed it and to be honest learnt a lot from it. You still have your Mum and siblings, can you talk to them, really talk to them or do you shy away from sharing your thoughts? if you can get through to them how low you are feeling that may be what it needs to release your tears and start to heal. Not everyone is full on happy all the time and being quiet is not a bad thing. Do you have any hobbies or anywhere you can go to speak to people? Not everyone meets someone in the clubs and pubs there are people like yourself everywhere you just need the right moment to start up a conversation. My mantra in life is SMILE, a smile makes the world a better place and through this you can start up a lot of conversations, on the bus, train, coffee shops, libraries. I think the best friendships are those made randomly. At 20 you are still young and have plenty of time to meet the love of your life you are worthy, believe that. My son is 20 and has never had a girlfriend, he is very confident but not into clubs and pubs so it is a lot harder and he feels lonely at times. Get that freelance work, this will open a whole new world and one in which you will meet new people. I will say that looking miserable will turn any new friends off, deep breath smile and just say hi, you never know where it may lead. Promise me that you speak to your family, they may just see you as a grump and not really understand what is going on inside. Take Care and remember you are as worthy of life as the rest of us x

Hi Coto - sorry to read you are suffering. You are not alone. There are several points in your post that should be addressed:

How long have you used pot and when did you start using it? The brain is not through with growth until about 21 years of age. Usage in the teen years can cause necessary connections to be stunted. Early usage can also cause psychosis. You are self-medicating to escape and to numb yourself - which is perfectly understandable. People use all sorts of escapes - alcohol, gambling, drugs, sex - anything to relive the pain or shut the door to it. It is not the answer as it does not address the underlying issues.

You have trained yourself not to react to things, shutting off your ability to express in the moment. The inability to cry is a symptom of that. It's disassociating from the moment and cramming down the emotion. It's a practiced method to prevent feeling anything. Once you access and express the underlying pain, the floodgates will open. Embrace it, don't be afraid.

You are not opening up to your psychologist. It takes time to trust another person - particularly with sensitive and deep feelings and secrets. That's perfectly natural, but the psychologist is there to help you, support you, give you a safe place to vent, to guide you through the process. She is not there to judge you, and if you feel she is, get another psychologist. If you bury things from her, her ability to help you is stunted. The result won't be as beneficial as it might be. Those secrets you are burying are what keeps you down. Like a wound that is bandaged and never given air or light, those wounds will fester and eat away at the inside. Trusting another person with anything is very difficult for people like us, but it is the way out as difficult as it is to go there. Keep working at it.

It doesn't matter what others think about you. We are trained from the point we can understand that we are responsible for the feelings and thoughts of others. When we do that we are not serving anyone, least of all ourselves. You come first. Whatever anyone else thinks about us in the moment, 30 seconds later they are wondering what to have for dinner. Their ignorance of us and shallowness of their assumptions are only real when we give them power. It's a habit we are indoctrinated with, the delusion that we are responsible for what they feel/think. It's rather narcissistic if you think about it, that we have that sort of power over others. Likewise, they don't have that power over us, even though we are trained to think they do.

Self understanding, trusting another enough to be honest with them, knowing that we are worth as much as anyone else, and perseverance is what will walk you out of that valley. It'll take time, but time is what we all have, plenty of it, and that time is never better spent than when we use it to understand ourselves and be honest about our needs. Go for it - it's the best job you'll ever have.

Getting professional help, joining therapy groups, exercising almost daily, reading books written by others suffering our same ailment and medication did wonders for me. We are all different, I know but the only advise I can give is advise that worked for me.

BTW introvert is not a bad word. There is nothing wrong with being reserved, withdrawn, restrained, inhibited, shy and modest....which are all other words for introvert. Although some around you may make you feel bad because you aren´t an extrovert, there is nothing wrong with being and introvert!