I feel utterly useless and depressed and I'm unsure how to help myself?

Posted , 4 users are following.

This is my first time here so brace yourself this might be a long one.

All my life I have suffered with mental health issues, I have been diagnosed with Social Anxiety, General Anxiety, Food Anxiety, Panic Disorder, PTSD, OCD and I have a truck load of phobias on top of all that.

I'm pretty much a wreck.

Up until 2 years ago I was doing pretty well for myself. I had a job, my mental health was actually doing okay, and I was doing okay socially too.

I have no idea what triggered it but one day I started getting anxious before going to work, so occasionally I would call in sick and tell them I had a cold or something, because I was embarassed to say I couldn't come in because I had anxiety.

This happened more and more often. Luckily, my boyfriend was there to help me and he decided we should tell my manager what was really going on. My manager, thankfully, was a really lovely and understanding man, and he told me I could take sick leave (with dr's notes) Which I did.

At this time I was already seeing a CBT therapist who at first was really helpful at explaining why my body was reacting the way it was.

I also went to my GP and explained my symptoms and was put on anti-depressants.

Months past and I still wasn't making any progress.. infact I was getting worse.

My food anxiety picked up again and now I am unable to eat ANYTHING unless its a liquid or something soft (like mash potatoes) withouth feeling like I'm actually going to die. (dramatic, but true.)

After 6 months of really not being able to cope (even with the help of my boyfriend) I was and still am at my worst.

My CBT therapist told me she was not able to help me and ended our sessions, which was a massive kick in the gut. I cried all the way home that day feeling like not even a professional could help me.

Even though I'd been given pills by the Dr I barely took them due to my Food anxiety, so they probably wouldn't have worked properly, which really frustrates me.

As well as Food Anxiety, I also have Food OCD where contstanly I believe (this isn't common so this might sound weird) and tell myself that I have eaten something. This could be ANYTHING. Examples might be; pen lids, coins, small toys, cigarette butts on the street. I know that sounds mad and as a grown woman I should know if I've eaten something or not.. but I'm REALLY good at coinvincing myself that I have and that I'm choking on it.

So. Not only am I a recluse because I dont want to set off a panic attack from being around people or.. the outside incase I "eat" something. I also decided to quit my job because it was unfair on the company and I was no longer getting sick pay.

After a few weeks My boyfriend was very supportive but he wasn't earning enough to support the both of us. I decided to call my GP, because I had no idea who else to go to, and asked for advice. He gave us a number to ring for Disablity Benefits.

They were so unhelpful! They took all our information and decided my boyfriend works too much for us to get any help.

So this is where I am up to now.

Jobless. Despite having panic attacks around money or anything in general I am still looking for work because I feel so guilty that I have to rely on my boyfriend, but I keep getting rejected.

Friendless, because I push everyone away.. I have no idea why I even do it?

Hungry, because I feel as though I can never eat! Which means I am constantly tired.

And completely depressed from all the stress.

So if you have read all that.. thank you. And please let me know if you have any advice. I definitely need it.

 

3 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    I wish I could help but am kind of in the same boat.  Some good anxieties. And drugs anxieties as have been spiked. Push everyone away to as no one can help or understand.  

    Do you feel exhausted? Do you take benzos?  

    I used to cope as it was just anxiety but now the fatigue makes it very hard I really have to peak myself off the bed. And then I'll get bouts of restlessness from the anxiety of the fatigue

    I'm sorry you too are in a bad place.  I usually never reply to anyone as I'm not very positive.  

    But you are not alone.  

    I used to not sleep at all 5 years ago.  No sleep what so ever for months.   And that got better.  So things sometimes do get better. God knows how but that can.  

    Take care.  Sorry I'm not much help.  But didn't wanna leave you hanging with no replies. 

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    • Posted

      Thank you for replying.

      Im glad to know im not alone!

      I have dont know anyone else who has any of this.

      And yes i do feel very exhausted and week. I dont take benzos.. im not even sure what that means?

      Im sorry you also go through a similar thing!

      Do you have any coping mechanisms??

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    • Posted

      I know it may sound silly.  But do you sometimes feel like you wanna go for a run? Even though you are tired. Maybe out of frustration or simply wanting to find a way to boost your energy?

      I do but never go for a run cause I feel like it would be silly and maybe just make everything worse

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  • Posted

    Well. When I was just anxious it was easier, just kept going as didn't feel depressed and tired. But now arms feel very weak and body is exhausted feel I can't push myself anymore.

    sometimes when I push myself anxiety comes back and then feel totally restless. In the evening I'm better and manage to relax a bit more

    i usually try and go to the high street even 20mins just to do something doesn't really help but better than being stuck at home. Bit of cycling,  but yeah feel totally useless.  The key is to accept it. But how?

    wish there where doctors on this site to reply to us,  feels like it's all people like us with problems and no solutions.  So our problem only get worse, as it's all negative here

    people looking for answer as they are so worried it won't ever go away, yesterday I arrived in France.  God knows how.  Totally push my self.  Arrived thinking ok. This ain't so bad.  I made it.  Tomorrow I'll do this this and this, but hey. I wake up and feel crap And weak  And don't feel like it. Usual morning story for me for the past 2 months

    boohoo    Gotta keep pushing!!!!  

     

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  • Posted

    This is something very serious, obviously wherein you are having so many anxiety disorders. I think the best thing that can be done is to go for some kind of therapy or counselling. Have patience. You may recover from certain anxiety symptoms, don't worry. You need to hang in there and seek effective treatment. I recently got to know about eWellness Expert wherein there are counsellors who can help you with your problems and it is affordable as well. Hope this helps. Take care smile

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  • Posted

    Thank you to all those who had replied to me, I feel as though I owe you all an update..

    Nine months ago when I wrote this, I was in the depths of what an only be described as hell.

    Today, I am doing a lot better..

    I went back to my GP and explained everything down to the tiniest detail.

    I was referred to a specalist.. and given food suppliments and medicine in liquid form.

    All I can say is, all these factors have been a great help and I'm so glad I went back for a second opinion.

    I am far less anxious these days, and I am eating way more than I have in two years. I've gained at least a stone in the past month. Patience is a virtue.. I hope if anyone else is going through this, just know you can get better, you just need the right help!

    I still struggle from time to time, and I don't get out much at all, I don't have a job still, but these things will come in time, and I know they will because now I have hope, when before all I had was depression.

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