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I finally admit I have a problem and am desperate to change- can you help

Posted , 10 users are following.

giverny81482
giverny81482

Hi, I'm 28 and have been making the same mistakes with alcohol for the last 10 years.

I stay dry all week but that doesn't mean that I don't think about alcohol or want it all the time. At the weekend I binge and have started hiding my alcohol intake from everyone. My family and partner have expressed their concerns but I've batted it away.

Once I have a drink, I change and become aggressive and want to be on my own. I drink until I fall and say the most awful things to my other half ( non of which I remember) and I've never had enough. I always want more and so hide wine around the house .

I have ruined every single occasion over the last 3 years including my wedding day. This weekend I disgraced myself at a wedding and have no recollection of anything. I'm desperate to change to save my marriage and my health. I'm tired of the shame and upset my actions cause everyone. Can anyone help me ??

1 like, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • giverny81482
    giverny81482

    Posted

    Hi All, coming up to my second Friday night with the prospect of no alcohol which is the day I find the hardest as I've always associated Friday with that 'Friday Feeling' and the idea that I deserve to have fun and get off my face.

    I have told many of my friends and family my intentions to stay alcohol free and they have been really supportive- although they don't see my alcohol consumption as much of a problem. Although my wife who sees the worst of it does.

    I feel really positive since giving it up completely as I have managed to give up smoking at the same time and have not had any shameful and guilt consuming feelings of regret after a binge. My life is better without alcohol, but I hope there will come a time when 1 or 2 will be enough because i absolutely love the taste with food.

    Will try and keep you up to date and thank you all for your support thus far.

     

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 giverny81482

      Posted

      Bravo!  I used to get a different "Friday Feeling" at your age and as i got older.

      While sitting in my cubicle at work on Fridays I would listen to people planning their "fun" weekends....all their plans and I knew deep down that as soon as I left the cube...I would be in the trunk of my car starting my weekend binge...which led to many dissappointments for all.  So on Fridays in my cube secret TEARS would slide down my cheek.

      I never knew if I would make it back to work on the following Monday or call in with some excuse to not work...when all the reason would be was that I drank from the minute I left on Friday until the minute before bed on Sundays.

      I think if you plan on ever trying to have 1 or 2 with dinner that you should really get a prescription for Naltraxone which will limit your intake...because I think otherwise...based on your experience of past drinking experiences YOU unfortunately won't be able to only have 1 or 2 once you begin to drink.

      Cudos on giving up smoking...that is HUGE.

      Honestly, you seem not as determined at this moment as you did when you wrote a couple of Fridays ago...don't let your brain trick you into thinking that "ok, you have done this and you will just manage 1 or 2"....I've done that WAY too many times....enough to let you know...the "alcoholic" brain can be very persuasive and tricky.  Get the Naltraxone...then plan your next dinner drink.

      Thanks for reporting back on your status.

    • giverny81482
      giverny81482 Misssy2

      Posted

      Struggling like hell this bank holiday. Feel like i'm the only person in the world not having fun and i've cried so many times this weekend because i actually hate my life. Forgotten all the reasons I gave up drink- and i guess they weren't my own reasons they were to keep my wife happy and now i'm desperately unhappy trying to make her happy in the process. Feek like running away where i can just be myself, where no one can control me.

    • Misssy2
      Misssy2 giverny81482

      Posted

      Oh no!  giverny....?

      I know everyone hates this question...but....are you on an antidepressent?  It sounds like alcohol has really depressed your central nervous system.

      It doesn't sound like you are happy about NOT drinking and that is not good for you.  I'm sorry you are feeling this way...

      But? You haven't drank in 16 days? And you don't feel better physically?  I totally understand wanting to run away from everyone and I HAVE done that in the past.

      I used to get myself hotel rooms and drink myself silly.  And the only thing that did for me...was make me more depressed because I knew eventually leaving that hotel..I would be under the influence potentially hurting someone while driving...and I was ALONE and drinking and becoming more depressed.

      I did that MANY times.Thank you for responding...I don't want you to feel alone...I think your feelings are natural since you were PUT in this position to quit and it wasn't really of your own choice.  That kind of situation usually doesn't work for alcoholics. 

      Alcohol is powerful....I'm worried for you and your state of mind.  I'm glad you posted...but, not happy for you about how you feel sad

       

    • h1954
      h1954 giverny81482

      Posted

      Sorry to hear this. Sorry you feel that be cause you're not drinking you're not having fun. I was at a wedding yesterday. The people having the most real fun on the dance floor it seemed were those of us drinking no or little alcohol. And we felt great next day. You can have fun sober, please do.

  • Robin2015
    Robin2015 giverny81482

    Posted

    Hello Giverny. How are you keeping?? Better? regards Robin
    • giverny81482
      giverny81482 Robin2015

      Posted

      Hi Robin,

      It means a lot that you thought to get in touch- so thoughtful and I'm very touched. 

      I am doing ok, the road to recovery is never easy and there have been a few blips along the way. I have managed to stay mostly dry with a couple of blow outs, which are mainly exacerbated by my mental health issues (I'm bi polar). I have stopped smoking and have started to enjoy sober weekends and trying new activities. Staying dry in the week has never been an issue but I have aways used alcohol excessively at weekends to 'wind down and let loose' which most of my peers and friends still do.

      This I find hard as I want to 'feel normal' like them and no one really understands why I've stopped drinking. But I know my reasons- which is enough most of the time.

      More recently I have been blessed with amazing news. My wife is 3 months pregnant with our first child and that has been a huge motivator for me. I am working full time as a Sales and Marketing Director and have been perfroming well of late despite the few bumps in the road.

      I really appreciate your kindness and thoughtfullness and I hope my response is a positive one. 

      Giverny  

    • Robin2015
      Robin2015 giverny81482

      Posted

      Great news and a child coming! what a fantastic reply and so honest. YOu have reached rock bottom and your way is up and up and up...trust me; I was VERY close to loosing my family, divorce, small children and loose respect from my Father who had been with AA and not drinking for 12 years...i did it and so can you!! just do like me and think of what you will and could loose IF you have that first drink..like a dark cloud hanging on top of you...yes, you can resist it...just think of waking up with a clear head and NOT looking for hidden bottles. We are all so proud of you and you have a wonderful wife!! all the best from Robin smile

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