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I gave my partner herpes. I feel so low.

Posted , 3 users are following.

Teegs
Teegs

So I was diagnosed with genital herpes several months ago which I caught from a previous partner. A while after we broke up I tried online dating and found the most amazing guy you can imagine. I didn't know how to go about telling him about the herpes because I'd never had to do it before. We planned to meet in person and I felt I had to tell him before things got too serious. When I did he apologised and said that he couldn't risk it being with me and catching it. But he got really upset and did loads of research on it because he really wanted to be with me. We ended up meeting with the intent of abstaining from sex so we could see if there was a potential of a relationship before we slept together. We met a few more times and ended up sleeping together using protection and abstaining if I was going through an outbreak. Weeks later we're now in a relationship and feel very strongly about eachother. But yesterday he found what looks like a sore on himself. We've discussed it several times and he's always said he understands the risk and I'm not to blame myself, but I feel so low. Although he's said he won't be angry with me, you can't predict how you're going to feel until it happens and I'm so scared he's going to resent me. I love him and I'm terrified I'm going to lose him. Or that we'll break up and he'll regret being with me and hate me. I know he knew the risks but why do I feel so awful?! Has anyone been through this?

Thanks x

1 like, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Teegs
    Teegs

    Posted

    Also, how can I offer support? How does make herpes differ from female?
  • me0986
    me0986 Teegs

    Posted

    hi there, I'm sorry you're going through a rough time.

    The same thing happened to me this year and I was absolutely gutted to have passed it to him. My partner got through his first, horrible outbreak, and has been fine since then, about 3 months now.

    I'm not very experienced myself so don't have loads of advice, except to say it does get better. After the initial shock, you might even find like us, you develop a bit of a sense of humour about it, although not at the time obviously.

    I was really low and felt really bad about it at the time, but it's hoenestly not the end of the world, promise x

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken Teegs

    Posted

    Well I'm sorry to hear about that, as we all know who have herpes, our biggest fear is passing it to another person.

    Believe what he is telling you and also, don't jump to conclusions yet, until he gets tested. It may not be that.

    Are you not on daily suppressive therapy?

    I've yet to witness someone's partner who was aware of their condition, resent them and blame them for it yet or leave them for it. Only had they been lied to have I seen that happen, when a person chooses not to disclose. If he loves you, he wouldn't leave you for that and of he's someone who throws it in your face ever, you don't want to be w him.

    Please Google H Opportunity. I feel you'll find the kind of support you're looking for on there and find comfort.

    I'm not sure I understand your question about how does herpes differ for a female?

    • Teegs
      Teegs feelbroken

      Posted

      The only medication my doctors offer me are acyclovir to take whenever I'm having an outbreak. I was never offered daily tablets. I'll look at H Opportunity smile Is there any difference in males getting it or is it just the same? I only ask because when my previous partner had it, as well as the sores he had red blotches too which I never got.
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken Teegs

      Posted

      Ok.. Usually you can ask them for daily therapy, because you don't want to out your partner at risk. It presents differently in everyone, but men don't seem to get it as bad as women.
  • liz25016
    liz25016 Teegs

    Posted

    I too am sorry you are going thru this.  I was similar that I did disclose to my guy, we still had sex later, his choice he told me, he then decided he couldnt continue on with the risk, and ended the relationship.

    We used a condom and I was on meds, so transfer rate was lower but I've not heard from him since the break up.  I'm hoping he didnt get it, and assume for now, he didnt, would never want that on him, but keep your head high, you did everything you possible could to keep him from getting it and explained all the risk.

    just be there like you would want someone to be there for you, thats all you can do, you are not to blame!

    Each person is affected differently

    xo

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