I get so angry

Mrs J...you dont sound yourself, but I totally understand!!!

Sometimes, I wish I would just get hit by a bus,,,and that would be it!!!(end it all, and put everyone else out of their misery1) I empathise with your anger! I get angry and frustrated, a lot. Now though, I am too scared too let the puppy out the bag, and it grows into a black dog , stuck in a dark tied up bag...and feel trapped and isolated. Alone, like no one will ever understand! Then I dont want to speak to ANYONE1 You feel as no one cares.

Maybe, though, thats because you have used your energy trying to understand the loved ones around you, so that they feel loved, and that you will never hurt them , but be 100% there for them!! I know you from previous postings...i fully understand where you are coming from!!!

Perhaps, you have over analysed everyone else around you. Everyone has problems...like my friend found her neighbour hung! its changed her, and now cause I am low, I do not feel I can talk to her...and thats so selfish.But she seems to have so much get up and go, that I dont, anymore.

I used to be so happy and humourous! I used to love being surrounded by my friends. Now I cant even talk to my mum, my sister, my dad, everyone or anyone that was ever close to me. I feel dirty all the time. i cant sleep, and if I have a bath or shower, I am stuck in the toilet for at least an hour! I know exactly how you feel. Like you have supported everyone else when they needed you most, but when you need them the most, the closest to you seem to turn a blind eye and a selective ear!!!

Take care, hope I have helped. If you want to talk..keep writing, Tiny Tears.

:? Totally confused!!!

I was thinking, that had I not been in such a vlunerable situation when I met my partner, then maybe my interpretaions of his actions would not seem so extreme!!!Does this make any sense to anyone?

Im lost! Confused! Hurt, and dont really like myself at the mo!

Mrs J, if you are, there, I understand. i do think that no matter what , whatever it is that hits, strikes or hurts, we have to get the image out of our head before we can move on!!! I cant get my torturious images out of my head...and I do not know why??? Yet, there have been, and still are that have, what seems to me, so much worse. I am just weak!!

I communicate with my family. I have to, but I struggle to be me!!!

Funny , i remember when I was 22, I was a temp for Bams, and even the GPs that gave me lift to surgeries to fill out the ins and out of patients, had a good few stories to tell. My last day there was awful, I forgot to fill out the form to tell the docs when the patients left. I know they had a good laugh at this!!! Probably made a penny or two more, ( good for them , dont you think???). we all have probs, but sometimes we just need someone impartial to actually listen!!

I cant tell my family the truth of what really hurts me, and that makes the cycle worse!!! In fact, I dont think I can go there, it make s things to real!1

[quote:cb06f40b79=\"Mrs J\"]Hi All

....when I cracked up and was away from work, no one called me, text me or sent me an e-mail to ask if I was ok.... [/quote:cb06f40b79]

I know how this feels Mrs J. I've been off work since May. I've had no birthday cards, christmas cards, get well cards, thinking of you cards, phone calls etc from anyone in my department. People outside my department have sent cards for my birthday and christmas and have also phoned me and met for coffee.

It's hurtful and unforgiveable isn't it? :cry:

I also went through weeks of feeling very angry towards my colleagues and bosses, but that just held back my recovery.

I just remember that I get on well with 99% of the people I meet and the 1% I don't get on with must have a problem as 99% can't all be wrong. :D

Take care and keep chatting as we all understand as we're going through it too.

Hugs

PJ

I am terrible about my work now.

No ones phoned.

No ones text.

No ones e-mailed!etc

So, why should I give a f....sh1t, about what they think!!!!(Just watch me crack, bubble, boil and explode, just stand there dribbling, and not knowing what to do , just stand and watch, while I crack ...and am totally not me!!)

My experience, is that no one gives a sod...they all have there only probs to sort out, so thats fine then. My advice is never go to work expecting back up of any kind. If you are going to work. be 110% professional, put a mask on. IMPOSSSIBLE!

Little selfish me cant, hide at the moment...so little me...with what they think my condition is (skivaritis!) is not going back to that ///job anyway!!!!Little skivarits selfish old me is going to look after her children, look after my mum and look for a job!

This might be completely irrelevant to this pill.

My right seyelid has just started to sell. It looks like it has been burnt or something.....whats hapenning????

I have to get another jo!!!!

Human Resources at my workhave advised my boss, not to pay me. I have another sick line from my doc, but apparently its no good as I have used up sick pay. I dont get this.....I thought the government payed sick pay???? If my boss was sooo put out, why did she never bother to phone me....oh well, just 3 and a half yrs experience in the bucket, and I am left depressed and penniless. Thanks very much. (Those hypocrits, braindead nazis, go on then, carry on selling your18.9%APR ACCOUNTS, GET THE WORLD INTO DEBT, LIE ABOUT YOUR FAIRTRADE POLICY, , useand abuse children, and for what, so that you have a piece of clothing to wear, that will only last about a week!!!!!!)!ME SO FURIOUS!!!!!

Oh well, thats life!!!!! Why did no one bother to tell me, why is she so bad at her job...she obviouslty wants me to go and commit suicide. Nevermind the fact that I have children and a family to feed...WHAT A BITCH!!!!!!

Hmmm, I should have contacted them a bit more!!!!Mrs J, my anger.......its bad!!

:x Okay, apparently, this is totally normal. I dont understand anything anymore...come to the conclusion that i am completely stupid!!!! Oh well, looks like my primary school teachers were right about me afterall!!!!

Why work??? Why bother??? Why have children, if you are not going to be around them to watch them grow????Why do that???? If you are not going to look after your children yourself, how do you know how they are?Or even what they are up to .?..Alll of which has consequences for later life!!!! So pissed offf!! I gave up my children on a part time basis, I gave up my baby on a part time basis, to be manipulated, to make false friends, to be forced into something that you really do not want to do!!!!!

I did not lie in my application, but they are allowed to change the conditions of the work in practice. When I took the job, it was completely different!!! And NO! I think its a serious issue,Some people will have there first job in that place, not realising what or how unfairly they are being treated. Oh well, I got a wardrobe out of it, though its a bit indifferent!!!

Apparently, thats work!!!!! Well that is awful.....I think!

Is this normal to feel like this....what is wrong with me?????

Why can 17yr olds work so much better, why does everyone seem to have so much confidence and common sense,? Why? Why can I not use my initiative in the workplace????? Why????? Why do I find it so difficult???? Then I get annoyed with my struggle, which is also hard work for me....So pissed off so want to go and get pisst!!!!!!!!!!!@!

so this spastic wants to go and get waisted!!!!!!!!

So grrrrrrrr, I wish that was gr for great!!!!!Not

GRUMPY!!!!!!!

Apparently, I have a sty in my eye.

Feeling good right now!!!!!

What is this all about??????

Dont know how or why....maybe its because I dont care anymore!!!!!!

I am a slave!!!!!!!!

IGNORE/IGNORE/IGNORE

Oh....theres a pig......oh seems to be flying!!!!!

Well...that lasted....not!!!

I am going back to bed.....s.d this!!!

I am trying so hard to be patient! I do not feel like a 31 yr old woman! I feel, maybe15...maybe I will understand my children when they reach puberty! Strange words! If anyone was toanalyse me over those yrs, maybe I coyld understand myself better!

I nearly lost my mum and big sister in a car crash!!! The school bus stopped! Everyone stood up? i did not, I thought it was disrespectful. Then, when I realised what had happened...there was my mums crushed car, with both my mum and sis in it! I tried to get off the bus!!!My friend told me I was being stupid...but I knew.!!.. Then my dad picks me up from school to get me to the hospital!!! Why did he care soo much.?..he hurt my mum, but then again , apparently she had an affair!!! So who amI???So lost!!!

\\but ehrn I need them, my parents they are so divided, there is no one!!!Five weeks later, my mums sis died!!!

I wa close to her!!!

I am not doing that!!!!!!! Apparently i could apply for incapcity benefit....get lost!!!! All the staff know me there anyway!!!!! What a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!I need another job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!