I got married in June to a close friend, 6 months after losing the love of my life to heroin.

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My husband was kind, loving and would do anything for me which I am not used to (I have always been the provider/nuturer).  After we were married, everything fell apart. We are dealing with a significant financial issue as well as resentment towards each other. Everything is a contest to him instead of viewing us as a team. He goes through my phone, accuses me of cheating, plays video games before and after work while I push through 12-16 hour days, etc. I am faithful and loyal but have lost all attraction to him including physically, which angers him further. We are 6 months in, and I feel that I don’t even know him anymore. I am a competitive bodybuilder and have had no drive or energy to lift or diet. He judges my lack of “fitness”, though he’s gained at least 50 lbs since we married and blames me for his eating habits. I went through hell and back losing my ex to heroin, and just as i  thought i was recovering and pushing forward, i have come to the realization that I have slumped into depression. And worst of all; I don’t know what to do about it.

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  • Posted

    I'm sorry to hear this..I know it must be very draining.  This is not a marriage..  you need someone kind loving and supportive in many ways.    You are not dependent on him so I would consider leaving..  If he is not adding to your life then why is he there?   You might want to check out a marriage forum where you can get more opinions.

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  • Posted

    I just sent you a message since I couldn't post it here.

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  • Posted

    My goodness you’ve been through so much and it’s not been long after your loss, for which I am sorry to hear of.

    i cannot begin to imagine how you must feel.

    have you asked yourself this are you over your husband and the answer is quite clear no, and that’s fine you are still morning the loss of him.

    i was an addict with my husband but I had to leave I got clean he didn’t 16 years gone I feel a loss but not like you as I can’t. My husband was abusive also.

    When I left I jumped right into another relationship it has all become quick I tried to move in but I wasn’t ready for another’s problems. Found myself hating him and he didn’t even know so I moved out.. I stay a couple nights but hats it ive pulled back, realised it’s all too quick. So it must be so so quick for you.

     It’s terible your husband now is so horrid to you,

    youve realised the depression so please see your dr you are being treated horribly no wonder you feel this way, you are still morning your loss.

    see your dr get advice and maybe brevment counciling they are the first steps that I would take.

    That’s just my advice and thoughts.

    right now you need kindness and understanding not horrible remarks.

    Do you think this could have possibly been a rebound forgive me for asking but I know I definitely did.

    take care

    get help it’s out there don’t suffer in silence

    take care 

    vicky 🌈

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  • Posted

    This is not a marriage it is a nightmare!  This man is putting you down and is being down right abusive.  It is not ok for him to go through your personal phone.  It is not ok for him to be putting you down and accusing you of cheating.  He sounds like a control freak and obviously has some issues of his own.  What he is doing is mental cruelty and you should not stand for this.  I would sit him down and lay some boundary's and if he continues to stay the same then I would get the hell out of there!  This is terrible to happen only 6 months in and you have to ask yourself if you can last a lifetime with this treatment.  I know I couldn't.  Find the strength to confront this and to deal with it or you will continue to suffer in the long run.

    Keep us posted smile

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