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I hate myself

Posted , 5 users are following.

sandra1165
sandra1165

I think I need to go back on medication. I can't tell my husband because he is ashamed and doesn't understand. 

0 likes, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • claire74117
    claire74117 sandra1165

    Posted

    You shouldn't have to hide anything and ashamed of what?? You asking for help? It's worse to sit back and do nothing. He should be ashamed of himself for not supporting his wife if that's the case. You do what is best for yourself love!
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    • sandra1165
      sandra1165 claire74117

      Posted

      hi Claire. He doesn't know how I'm feeling right now and he doesn't know about the conflict I'm having about going back on medication because I couldn't cope with how he would react. I hate myself because going back on medication feels like a failure for me. I just want to be medication free. I have support, empathy and love for others I know who are on medication and cope with their depression daily. Many thanks for your reply

      love

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  • j17344
    j17344 sandra1165

    Posted

    You have to do what's right for yourself. And please find someone supportive in your  life who will be there daily.
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    • sandra1165
      sandra1165 j17344

      Posted

      He is a good man and loves me very much and I love him.  He just can't get to grips with the fact that I have depression. I know it sounds like a bit of a contradiction. I hate myself because I don't want to go on medication again. I want to be medication free. It feels like I have failed to conquer my depression and I hate that.
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    • betsy0603
      betsy0603 sandra1165

      Posted

      Sweetie, you have got to tell that voice that hates you to shut up!  You don't deserve to do that to yourself, really!  You have only ever done the best that you could for who you were and where you were at at the time.  Please do not judge yourself.  What you need is self-love and nurturing.  I'm sure your hubby would be supportive of you but you are creating stories in your mind about what you expect he will think, which is all lies.  Nobody can predict the future, but the more time we spend worrying about what ifs, the more suffering we create for ourselves.  

      Conquering your depression starts with learning to have compassion for yourself, and you deserve that :-)

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    • j17344
      j17344 sandra1165

      Posted

      Your feelings of failure and hating yourself are textbook symptoms of depression. Try to tell yourself that what you are thinking is not true because it's not. And, some (many) people take medication. It takes strength to ask for help but I know you have it because you're on this forum. If you need more help, get it. Don't ever base a decision like that on how someone else will feel about it.

      The sad thing for you is that, what you need right now more than anything is support - someone to be there to tell you your thoughts aren't right and to tell you that you will get through this. Consider spending some time with a friend or relative you can trust until you get through this.

      Also, if your husband really cares, he would make an effort to understand or be able to see that you're in pain.

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  • Kit1981
    Kit1981 sandra1165

    Posted

    I know how you feel Sandra, I've been off my meds for around 4 weeks now and I'm struggling. I don't want to go back on the meds either but I get terrible anxiety some days. I've been feeling like a failure too and I just don't know what to do. Me and my partner want to try for a baby soon and I'm torn as I really don't want to be on medication when we do. It's so hard isn't it? My partner is very supportive but he works long hours and is never here when I need him. I guess the hardest part is accepting that we need some more help, I know I do, I'm going to have a chat with my GP and you should do the same.
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