I have a fear of dying young...

Posted , 6 users are following.

I don't know how common this is, but I have a specific fear of dying young. I don't mind death when I'm old and have passed on the baton of life to my younger ones, but I fear I'll die young. I have been terrified of stories where healthy people abruptly get cardiac arrests or other such sudden things. I fear I'll leave my future wife and kids and that they'll have to suffer because of me.

I feel I am fairly healthy, a bit underweight perhaps. I've never had any major operations, surgeries or any other serious medical conditions. Still it terrifies me to imagine myself committing my life with a partner and possibly having a family, and then suddenly leaving them on their own. I often pray to God that he either takes me away now when really nobody is dependent on me, or takes me away at an old age when nobody needs to be dependent on me. I just pray that he doesn't take me away at a time when my family needs me the most.

But obviously I know I can't control my own death (I don't support suicide at all). It just terrifies me a lot and sometimes I feel it'll be better if I don't marry anyone at all so that nobody, neither my wife nor my kids, have to depend on me. But I do want to marry someone and start a family with her. I want to have a wife that I love with all my heart and have lovely kids with her. I want to live a normal stable life with my family, but that damned fear makes me nervous about my future. I know I might be over-thinking about this stupid fear of mine, but it's affecting me on a psychological level. I am anyways in depression currently and it doesn't help if this fear stops me from dreaming about a better future.

I need some help regarding how to tackle this fear. I am twenty years old. I have never had a girlfriend, and probably will never have one. But I'm pretty sure I'll eventually get arranged to a girl and that's fine with me, as long as I'm happy with her and she's happy with me. Any advice or experience will definitely help me get a clearer idea about this issue.

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    hi sro, firstly you have done the hardest thing by admitting that you are struggling with this. i think this forum can only help so far. at 20 you are very young to think about death, something must have happened to spark this fear in your mind. you may need to explore why this is such an issue. i don't have the skills to advise you correctly as i doubt not many people on here would. have you spoken to anyone else ie a doctor about this, because i think this needs professionally looking at. go to your doctor if not and explain to them EXACTLY what you have on here. oh and good luck, let us know what your doctor says.

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  • Posted

    you have given several factors in your favour. the only thing lacking is confidence in yourself and your abilities to satisfy everyone else. for a moment think of what you want in life.

    also. there are 7 billion plus people in this world and rising. your chances of survival are as good if not better than most given your reasonable health , life style and needs. you haven't given your age. I'm 56. I'm still here. i had a killer infection last year but I'm still here. your chances are good I'd say. but the rest is down to you and what you want. Just something here that might help. i think of these things every day. there is always someone worse off than you. and a quote from the wonderful film Kung Fu Panda. master Oogway said " yesterday is history,

    tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift thats why they call it the present."

    live it one day a t a time. no one knows the future.

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    • Posted

      I've almost ACTUALLY ALMOST died 3 times in the last 3 years and I am 34, most of that time spent in a hospital or colostomy bag, with a herniated disc laying on top of a sciatic nerve to the point I could barely think without my body going into shock.

      I've almost been shot multiple times in my city in my early teen years out of nowhere because I was white in a black neighborhood, gotten jumped nearly to death, and survived it to go through medical crisis after medical crisis.

      Cry my a river.

      If you spend your worth worrying about death you'll never live a minute of it.

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  • Posted

    I almost died from Sepsis twice from a perforated Diverticula leaking waste into my sterile blood, had an extremely high risk emergency surgery, and all just random medical things that killed me.

    I thought I would be afraid of death, but everytime in my life I actually came to a peace / calm with my life coming to an end.

    So don't stress, when it's time your mind will kick into acceptance mode, I fortunately didn't end up dying though but I know what the cusp is like and there is nothing to be scared of.

    Death is just a natural part of life.

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  • Posted

    Having a fear of dying early sounds like a symptom of anxiety. But it's also a symptom of being a sensitive young person.

    If I remember correctly you are the one who cannot seek professional treatment for various reasons.

    I will just say, gently, that I wish there were some way you come clean to your parents or whoever can help you to get treatment. Anxiety medication would work wonders for your ‘fears of early death’. An antidepressant would help with your low self-image and social anxiety.

    I do remember when I was your age having all kinds of scary fears about things other people probably didnt even think about, and I was also hyper-aware of my physical flaws. This all passes with time.

    We’re very sensitive people and have great depth and that’s one of the reasons we’re afflicted the way we are.

    I’ve spoken to you in another post about things to do to calm and reassure yourself.

    But please know this kind of scary place you’re in emotionally is temporary and it will pass, probably in plenty of time for you to marry and have a normal relationship.

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