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I don't know how common this is, but I have a specific fear of dying young. I don't mind death when I'm old and have passed on the baton of life to my younger ones, but I fear I'll die young. I have been terrified of stories where healthy people abruptly get cardiac arrests or other such sudden things. I fear I'll leave my future wife and kids and that they'll have to suffer because of me.
I feel I am fairly healthy, a bit underweight perhaps. I've never had any major operations, surgeries or any other serious medical conditions. Still it terrifies me to imagine myself committing my life with a partner and possibly having a family, and then suddenly leaving them on their own. I often pray to God that he either takes me away now when really nobody is dependent on me, or takes me away at an old age when nobody needs to be dependent on me. I just pray that he doesn't take me away at a time when my family needs me the most.
But obviously I know I can't control my own death (I don't support suicide at all). It just terrifies me a lot and sometimes I feel it'll be better if I don't marry anyone at all so that nobody, neither my wife nor my kids, have to depend on me. But I do want to marry someone and start a family with her. I want to have a wife that I love with all my heart and have lovely kids with her. I want to live a normal stable life with my family, but that damned fear makes me nervous about my future. I know I might be over-thinking about this stupid fear of mine, but it's affecting me on a psychological level. I am anyways in depression currently and it doesn't help if this fear stops me from dreaming about a better future.
I need some help regarding how to tackle this fear. I am twenty years old. I have never had a girlfriend, and probably will never have one. But I'm pretty sure I'll eventually get arranged to a girl and that's fine with me, as long as I'm happy with her and she's happy with me. Any advice or experience will definitely help me get a clearer idea about this issue.
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