I have been Struggling to feel normal all my life

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I am 36 years old and have strugled with anxiety, depression, obbssesion compulsiveness, chronic pain and lack of motivation to do the simplist things and binge eating all my life. I have been trying for the past several years to get help and find the proper medication but i feel hopless. My doctor has tried me on cipralex welbutrin and cymbalta but they dont seem to do anything i also am on ativan and clonazapam for anxitry attacks but i hate taking those cause they make me tired and my head feel foggy. I gained alot of weight on welbutrin and almost anything i take makes no almost non esistant sex drive completly no exsistant. I want to be able to do things but i just wind up needing to sit and overthink everything i try to force my self to get up and do thigs even things i think will make me happy but i get get so exhausted and go right back to sitting and thinking about it rather than doing which makes me feel like i cant acomplish anything and i feel more depressed. I dont like to socilaze because i feel like i am being judged and or will say something stupid and most of the time like when trying to do things as well with tryig to socialise i get no enjoyment and i am just stuck with thoughts in my head and go through the motions of doing things but i completly detached from the world around me. All i do is over think and worry. I walk through life faking interest and fake smiling and faking enjoymemt to others around me becaise its easier then trying to explain how or i just kind of feel dead inside to everythig except for the things i worry and obsess about . My doctor put me on prednisone for 2 weeks after my blood work came back with positive auto immune results and i felt alot better for those two weeks but i was told side effects outweighed taking that drug. I found a clinic doctor who perscribed me dexadrine which i also took for a few weeks and have never felt better in my entire life i was happy i was socialising with people because i wanted to i wasnt obessing over every little thing i still worroed but it seemed to be more of a background noise while i was doing things. I was able to go to the store to get tioltte paper and use a different pump at the gas station my sex drive was there i didnt feel uncomforatable being out of my house it didnt justt sit in front of the television watchig the same shows over amd over while playing tedious mind numbimg games on my phone so i could just over think the things i wanted to while wishing i could just get up amd do them. My doctor told me that the goverment doesnt approve those types of drugs unless you have been diagnosed with adhd as a child amd they are as bad for me as herion and she will get in trouble and wont perscribe them.for me and put me on prozac and back on ativan and clonazapam and t3s for the pain and tecta amd dicetel for the stomaxh problems i get from taking all those pills which is confusing amd infuriating to me because the dexetrine has been the only thing in my life that has made me feel what i think normal.people feel like. I stoped shaking i stopped drinking my energy drinks to try and deal with the physical exhaustion as a result from the mental strain. My pain killers were down by 3 quarters and i stopped needing the stomach pills. But yet i am not allowed to take these pills that helped because they are not safe? I feel like i have lost all hope in ever feeling better .and now more then i have ever felt in my life i know want to get better because i had a chance to feel what that was like and im being told that taking the dexidrine eould be no different than being a drug addict on the streets. No i wonder how many drug addicts there are out there are addicted to street drugs because they couldnt find something to make them feel better or normal in the dorst place from the medical systym.

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  • Posted

    You say that you struggled all your life.  If you want to be "normal" how would you know what normal is? I think you are normal and you need to stop taking the medication so you can have motivation.  It's not easy but I'm sure you can do it. Best of luck!!

    🙏🏼🙏🏼Al

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  • Posted

    Hi if the drugs for Adhd work for you I wonder if it is possible you suffer from this?  It is normally diagnosed on childhood but I guess it can be missed.  Have a google of the symptoms and if you think this could be it then have another word with your doctor.  I hope you find some answers.  x

     

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  • Posted

    Hi angela369. I'm at the end of the line with my mental health as well. I've reached out many times and tried a lot of different things to help myself over the years but to no real avail - I might even go back to drinking and smoking pot, who cares. I'm just hanging in there basically and have withdrawn almost completely from society except for when I have to go out for essential items. What a life. It's only my spiritual outlook keeping me here now really, plus hope. And the internet. 

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    • Posted

      Me too. You're not alone many of us feel the same way I haven't drinked beer in my entire life but will begin too. I need to get out of my house and that's the only way. Drugs are bad. Weed is bad. Beer too. It s*cks but sometimes there's no other way out to relieve the pain or manage Anxiety. Good Luck👍Hope you feel better and not fall into drugs or alcohol again. It's never the way out.

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    • Posted

      Hi Ashley024. Thanks for your reply and encouragement, it's appreciated. You're right, alcohol and drugs aren't the answer, and the truth is I really don't want to go back to drinking, etc. It wasn't the answer then - took me years to overcome substances - and it's not the answer now. The worst part is I believed by stopping the drinking and drugs that my life would begin to fall into place, but that didn't happen at all - I'd nearly reach the top of the mountain, so to speak, and then whoosh, I'd slip all the way back to bottom, time and time again. I'm burned out. Oh well, at least I'm sober now, so I am thankful for that. 

      As for yourself, since to begin with you've never been a drinker, why don't you give going out for a few drinks a try. Go with someone else though, just in case you end up drinking too much. Just someone whose had experience. Yes, beer's quite nice. You might really enjoy it and have a good time, especially if there's a good band playing because we deserve to have a good time, my gosh! I'm actually hesitant to advize that for you but at the end of the day, nothing ventured, nothing gained. But just be aware of the risk factors that's all. 

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    • Posted

      Yeah I feel like you too. Depression comes back every time nothing gets better. I did have a drink just now only half a wine cooler smile I didn't like the taste and I didn't feel anything. Just warmth nothing elsesad You're sober now👏 Hope you stay that way.👍

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  • Posted

    Hi Angela.I'm 54 and been battling IBS/anxiety for 20 years and depression off and on for the same period but only over the last 8-9 months have I been "diagnosed" with depression.I live in the US.My doc sent me to psy doc who put me On Mirtazapine/Gabapetin/Tramadol for IBS/anxiety and associated back pain.Was weaned off of Paxil after 20 years at the same time.The last 8-9 months really have been lousy.The only thing that kept me going was my faith inGod.I had some dark days and if I didn't believe there was someone in the fox hole with me I would've totally cracked.The psy doc didn't really help,just gave me drugs.It was my counsoler that i see who really has helped.She is a nun but she doesn't live in a convent or wear the clothes or anything like that.And she doesn't base her sessions on religion or anything.If you want to include it in your discussion great,if not that's fine too.She has a double masters in psychcology but she's like a regular person.That for me was a key to finding someone who I could just talk to and get ideas that would help me get out of this funk.It will take time with lots of ups and downs(alot more downs for now anyway),but I trust God will pull me thru.It's all I can rely on.Sorry to be ramblin' on but it feels better to spill your guts,so to speak,to people going thru stuff like yourself.Anyway hang in there.See if you can find a doc that's more willing to work with you.I live in the US,so you have more options here(as long as you have medical insurance that is!) than in the UK,but I just always believe that somehow,someway God puts the right person at the right time in your life.You just got to watch and wait sometimes I guess.Still ramblin.Sorry.Anyway,prayers your way,hang tough and God Bless You,I mean REALLY give you some blessings! Bob

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  • Posted

    I feel like you too. I can't socialize at all I feel dead inside too it's because of the depression. Thank you for saying what worked. I will look it up I'm interested now. I need help too I'm in desperate need. I am thinking about trying Alcohol to cope with my problems. Just a boost so I can go see my Therapist and get the help I need. You're not alone there's others that feel the same way. I dosad

    Good Luck hope they give you something that works.👍

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