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I have had depression for most of my life.

Posted , 6 users are following.

Tsukiko_Celeste
Tsukiko_Celeste

I was diagnosed very early on, about the age of 8. 10 years later, I'm almost 19 and the depression is infinitely worse. I have been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD, OCD, and generalized anxiety. I have had a long history of stomach problems as well. Every day honestly feels like hell. I take Zoloft and Kolonopin for everything, but it has been months and I see no changes.

I wake up every day in a panic, and it takes me hours to get out of bed. When I finally do get out of bed, I get a small meal to try to ease my constant nausea, take my medicine, and get back in bed. I have been searching for help for years, but with no insurance and living in poverty, it has been quite the challenge.

I haven't been able to keep a job for longer than a month due to the stomach problems and anxiety. I can't stand for longer than an hour without feeling insanely nauseous and then my depression really goes through the roof; causing fatigue, bawling my eyes out, and unnecessary pain. So... I have resorted to staying in bed and getting the tiniest bit of exercise by walking a little outside every now and then. I can't eat due to the depression fueling my nausea even more. I keep losing weight and I feel like a lost cause.

I have had a few suicidal episodes, but I know I'll never do it. I have a fiance to live for, which lives with me in my house right now. I dream of getting a job, getting my license and a car, and living in a humble apartment with him. My depression is worsened by being exposed to my negative family and dying father. I don't know how I am ever going to make it to that bright and lovely future we have planned. I don't know how to fix myself in the slightest. I stopped doing all of the things I once loved to do, because I can't find the energy or motivation to do them anymore. I get tired by just drawing a small picture, when I used to do very realistic portraits. I was once a very intelligent girl, and planned to go to college. Bu poverty, mental disorders, and health has changed that for me.

I truly do not know what to do. It has been going on for so long now, that I don't even know if there is any hope for me. I am so young, yet feel like I've reached my peak in life.

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • rose03407
    rose03407 Tsukiko_Celeste

    Posted

    HI, I'm sorry that you have to go through this. I always take an my zoloft with a bit of valium ....so it is balanced out. I am 17 years old and take Seroquel , Zoloft and valium. You will start to feel more alive once you raise your dose. The klonopin is long lasting...but I needed an immediate effect due to flashbacks...major depressive disorder and auditory hallucinations. The Seroquel is great for flashbacks and has rid me of auditory etc.  My friend is on 200 mg of Zoloft and 3 mg of Xanax a day. She is doing wonderful and is able to study at university with me in September. Remember to try out different types of medicine and doses. You don't need to suffer like this. There are great medicines out there that will make you feel alive and healthy again. I am praying for you xx Cheers, Rose

  • lattifa7777
    lattifa7777 Tsukiko_Celeste

    Posted

    I’m so sorry to hear how you are suffering. I’ve also suffered severe depression and panic disorder, it’s the worst feeling in the world. 

    People have given you good advice on medication, can I ask are you religious at all?

    Xx

    • Tsukiko_Celeste
      Tsukiko_Celeste lattifa7777

      Posted

      I am not religious. I’ve never been comfortable with any of the ones I learned about. 
  • luis74497
    luis74497 Tsukiko_Celeste

    Posted

    You should do a colon cleans replenish your body with probiotics and soups for two weeks take liquid supplement vitamin B1B6B 12 if you live next to a Spanish supermarket asked them for liquid vitamin supplements that will help you there called distress vitamins  Get you some slippery Elm root to cult your  stomach you will feel better 
  • Genki
    Genki Tsukiko_Celeste

    Posted

    I see the post here is 4 years old. I do hope there has been progress for you over these years. It will be special to hear of your brave journey.

    I personally found it was best to find a wholistic approach to living with and healing my depression. The prescription drugs seemed to really fry my brain's electrical circuits. They were very toxic. Perhaps they can help some people in beginning stages of therapy, but long term I found them destructive. Consistent work of awareness and response in a supportive environment helped develop a path for me. I hope you're well.

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