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I was diagnosed very early on, about the age of 8. 10 years later, I'm almost 19 and the depression is infinitely worse. I have been diagnosed with major depression, PTSD, OCD, and generalized anxiety. I have had a long history of stomach problems as well. Every day honestly feels like hell. I take Zoloft and Kolonopin for everything, but it has been months and I see no changes.
I wake up every day in a panic, and it takes me hours to get out of bed. When I finally do get out of bed, I get a small meal to try to ease my constant nausea, take my medicine, and get back in bed. I have been searching for help for years, but with no insurance and living in poverty, it has been quite the challenge.
I haven't been able to keep a job for longer than a month due to the stomach problems and anxiety. I can't stand for longer than an hour without feeling insanely nauseous and then my depression really goes through the roof; causing fatigue, bawling my eyes out, and unnecessary pain. So... I have resorted to staying in bed and getting the tiniest bit of exercise by walking a little outside every now and then. I can't eat due to the depression fueling my nausea even more. I keep losing weight and I feel like a lost cause.
I have had a few suicidal episodes, but I know I'll never do it. I have a fiance to live for, which lives with me in my house right now. I dream of getting a job, getting my license and a car, and living in a humble apartment with him. My depression is worsened by being exposed to my negative family and dying father. I don't know how I am ever going to make it to that bright and lovely future we have planned. I don't know how to fix myself in the slightest. I stopped doing all of the things I once loved to do, because I can't find the energy or motivation to do them anymore. I get tired by just drawing a small picture, when I used to do very realistic portraits. I was once a very intelligent girl, and planned to go to college. Bu poverty, mental disorders, and health has changed that for me.
I truly do not know what to do. It has been going on for so long now, that I don't even know if there is any hope for me. I am so young, yet feel like I've reached my peak in life.
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