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I have herpes:( What do I do now?

Posted , 2 users are following.

nicole38191
nicole38191

So I last week I found out I genital herpes. It all started one night I was in excruciating pain in my vagina with some bumps that burned when I urinated.

The thing I don't understand is how I got it. Within the last four months I have had two sexual partners. One I have only have protected sex with, then other one is always unprotected. I've also had oral sex with both.

Now using common sense, I would think that I contracted it from my unprotected partner, Right?

So my question is how do I figure out exactly how I got it? How to I talk to my partner about it? How do I know if my partner has it too? Is it possible to get genital herpes from giving oral sex? does any one know if herpe sores on men scab up, because one day I did notice a scab on his penis?

I have a ton of questions, any advice or answers would be lovely thank you in advance.

-Nicole

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • chai18
    chai18 nicole38191

    Posted

         The first thing you have to come to terms with is that this is not that bad. Many people have their first outbreak, and then very few (or sometimes no) subsequent outbreaks that present with less blisters, and much less pain. Also, you can get herpes simplex 2 (genital herpes) by having either unprotected or protected sex, although it is much more likely that your unprotected partner passed the virus to you. Herpes sores on men do scab up, but they are often not as noticable as sores or scabs on women. If you noticed a scab on his penis, he most likely passed the herpes virus to you because not many other things could cause scabs such as the ones herpes presents with. While it is possible to contract genital herpes from performing oral sex, you would probably have noticed a strange sensation on your lips (like a tingling or sometimes burning) shortly after.

         As far as talking to your partner about just be honest. Both partners should probably be tested, and your partner should have a right to know the risks of sexual contact with you before the sex continues. This does not mean the end of your sex life at all!!! I have had protected and unprotected sex with my partner who has not contracted the virus in the two years that we have been together. You just have to make sure there is no sign of outbreak. This means, any tenderness in the groin area, any swollen lymphnodes in groin or other areas, any red bumps on your lips or your genitals; any or all of these symptoms can indicate the onset of an outbreak. 

    Good luck 

    Ciao!

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chai18

      Posted

      Chai, can you please share your experience w telling your partner? How soon did you tell him? What did you say? What was his reaction? How about other experiences telling?
    • chai18
      chai18 feelbroken

      Posted

      I was very very torn up about my diagnosis, and I did wind up crying while telling him. I believe it helped that we had been together for a few months before I found out I had herpes. The best thing to do is to tell as soon as you can. This way it doesn't seem as if you were hiding it. I just came out and told him to face to face. I said "So, I went to my gynecologist today and she hasd some interesting news" and he asked me what she had to say and I tolld him the diagnosis, and what it meant, and that I would always have it. It helped to reassure him that he wouldn't necessarily get it, and the statistics (30% of people in the US have it) really shocked him. He was initially a bit put off, but we are very close. We are very careful with sex, but we have had unprotected sex a few times when I have absolutely no sign of an outbreak and haven't for a while. If you think about having a child in the future, he can be on the antivirals during conception and it will keep him from getting the virus. So, overall, he was very shocked because many people have misconceptions about herpes, but it really truly can happen to anyone. I got it from the very first person that I had sex with (one night stand is no way to lose your virginity). It makes me angry sometimes to think about it, but there are understanding people out there who get it, and get over it. Be ready for all kinds of reactions, and respectful if he decides that it is too much for him to handle. Explaining how sex is not out of the question, and how you can be just sexual as every other couple (also just as careful) really does help. I'd love to help with any other questions you may have. 
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chai18

      Posted

      So had you and your bf not had sex yet when you found out you had it? Sorry if I ask the sane things over, but so many threads. You have hsv 1 right? I got it after being celibate for over two yrs and then decide to have it. The guy lied too and I should have suspected something was up, because when I asked about his status, he mentioned how it was illegal to sleep w anyone knowing you have herpes and not tell the and how people could get sued. I was suprised he knew this, cause 9 out of 10 and sometimes 10 pit of 10 are completely unaware of this. When I told him I think I have it and he gave it to me, he lied and said he didn't have it, and told me never to speak w him again. I know he knew, people don't do react the way he did and not have it. I really beat myself up about it. Now I regret always being so sexually conservative about sleeping w people. I feel like a choice has been robbed from me in more ways than one and although I never exercised the choice for casual sex really, I hate knowing the option is gone. It's that whole feeling like you've been violated, because someone robbed you of a choice.

      I'm gonna send you a personal msg

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken nicole38191

    Posted

    Yes, some people's herpes sores scab up. I thinking finding out what type of herpes simplex it is, is the first start. Is it hsv 1 or 2? Yes you can get it from leak sex. You can also get it from protected sex. Condoma only give yiu 30% protection from getting herpes.

    Sorry to hear of your new. I hope you are doing better now. Hang in there, it does get better

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken nicole38191

      Posted

      Well you can rule out getting it from oral sex. It is almost virtually impossible to get hsv 2 orally. It really doesn't do well outside its home base, even less so than hsv 1 on genitals. Only rare cases have people caught it orally, like immune compromised people such as AIDS patients.

      Does your current bf know you have it yet?

    • nicole38191
      nicole38191 feelbroken

      Posted

      I haven't figured out how to discuss it with him. So I've just avoid him this last week, I'm going to have to tell him asap though.

      do you know how long after its contraced that the first outbreak occurs?

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken nicole38191

      Posted

      There's no one set rule of thumb, but typically if someone is gonna have an outbreak from herpes, they'd start experiencing symptoms 2 days to 3 weeks after contracting it. I started experiencing symptoms immediately after contracting it. Like same day... Felt a little bit of burning peeing.. Two days later, I had itching, swelling and fissures.
  • chai18
    chai18 nicole38191

    Posted

    Also, they say condoms only protect you 30%, but this is because herpes can manifest in other areas besides directly on the vagino or penis. You can break out on you inner thighs, lower back, and bum area. I have been fortunate enough not to have had any of these less common outbreaks, but they can happen and are more dangerous when it comes to sex. 
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