I have no faith.

Hi I suffer more or less the same  has Donna  but I live in past nearly all the time  and have no life  .so how can you help.

Hi there, if I knew the answer I'd bottle it and become filthy rich! The only thing I can think of to do is to not dwell on negative past events, live in the present and create new happy memories. If only I could take my own advice and put it into practice...

Hi Cindy, sorry to read you are suffering. Have you thought about having talking therapy to work through your feelings? Might help x

Past is the part of life. But you cannot change your past. Yes you can make your future good. That mistakes you dont in past dont repeat them in future. Hope its work. Stay blessed

It's not feelings, it's reality and circumstances I can not control. Started with a very bad relationship of X11 years and then harassment and stalking. That was many years ago but no matter how many times I move which has been many times I keep being harassed and robbed over and over again. Locks nor alarms work. My vehicles keep getting vandalized also,the last time it was over 5,000$. No one believes me or listens to me. They even stole parts of my motorcycle so I didn't get the value for it when I sold it before more bad things happened to it. Every time I go out I wonder what will be stolen today it's that bad. I know for a fact it's corruption not my ex now. The alarm company said the only people who could by-pass the alarm was drug lords or police. I don't do any drugs. I was in law enforcement for years not to point any fingers however. I have pad locks on all my cupboards which cost a lot and now there getting through them. Now I've had to get new ones. We had our differences when I left and I p****d off the swat team but I don't deserve surviellance or spyware on me in my own home which is illegal unless your a terrorist which I'm not. Dirty cops. The constant envastion of privacy is bulls**t. We don't need to hire more cops in B.C there so bored there harssing me 24/7. I even know the cop in charge of this Jack Sarna of Victoria Police Department. He and he's buddies harassed me when they put me in lockup at the hospital for a nervous breakdown. How on earth do you do that to a person in that mental condition for two weeks when there suppose to recover. Jack was on the same platoon with me years ago and has an accent you can't forget. They tormented me for weeks and said she can't prove anything. Just like now. I've spent a ton of money to prove there entering my suites and stealing and they can hear everything I do, so as soon as I go out they destroy my equipment or steal it. The police won't do a bloody thing cause its them doing it and I can't prove it.I had some evidence and the lawyer said cut and dry case of harassment but prove it. I'm screwed for life. I wish I never worked for them.This is as bad as prison break if you ever saw it. They are so desperate to get to me they've paid off my neigbors and rented suites around me. This is very serious and I don't understand why. They said in the hospital they wanted my ass in prison for something I did six years ago, which now would be x8 years ago. I comitted suicide then and was in a coma. I don't break the law, I haven't a clue what they mean unless some bad ass has lied about me in some way badly.

Hi Cindy, you have my sympathy. All you want to do is to be left in peace. I would hate it if that was happening to me. Have you ever thought of installing hidden cameras? That would give you the evidence you need. Please keep me posted. Stay strong. Donna x

Thought of that already. It would run through my laptop and they have that hacked. I'm screwed any which way.

Hi there, such a beautifully written post. Thank you so much for your response. I wear myself down with my constant ruminations. It drives me mad sometimes. So, I had the same idea as you and volunteered at my local "Cry" charity shop. Filled out the form, handed it in and am waiting to hear. I think the key is to distract oneself. I would just love to feel, fulfilled, relaxed and happy. I love to laugh, sing(badly) and joke. But, have always felt an inner sadness. And no, there was no obvious reason or trigger for this. I often just wish that everyone was nice to each other. Once upon a time I would have called that boring. It's been a tough time. But as in the words of Elton John, I'm still standing! Thanks again honey, Donna x

That't great Donna well done to you.  I think sometimes we find it hard to let go of the past coz it is unfinished business.  We haven't fully resolved it in our heads so it keeps playing it's endless tune.  Try not to listen to it any more and tell it to go away as you are looking outwards now.  

The past is only useful in as much as learning from it is important for your future.  I am doing voluntary work and love it.  It fulfills all  my needs to be useful and part of something bigger than me again,  but the downside is obviously it's not paid.  But you can't have everything!  x

Hey there! Thanks for your reply. Everything you say is so true! It is about unfinished business, you are absolutely right about that. For me I think it is also about closure. Trouble is, there is no justification or truth in my situation. The people who will die defending your name are the true gems. Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to move on and doing OK. Sorry, if I'm not making sense and for rambling on. I'm so glad you are enjoying your job. And you are working and doing a job paid or unpaid. In fact, you are a gem because you do it for nothing! Bet you get to meet lots of wind-swept and interesting People. I do believe some people are genuine and nice, I'm not a total pessimist. Just a little too sensitive. Hope you had a good day. I'm sending you a hug, Donna x

Hey there! Thanks for your reply. Everything you say is so true! It is about unfinished business, you are absolutely right about that. For me I think it is also about closure. Trouble is, there is no justification or truth in my situation. The people who will die defending your name are the true gems. Thanks for the advice, I'm trying to move on and doing OK. Sorry, if I'm not making sense and for rambling on. I'm so glad you are enjoying your job. And you are working and doing a job paid or unpaid. In fact, you are a gem because you do it for nothing! Bet you get to meet lots of wind-swept and interesting People. I do believe some people are genuine and nice, I'm not a total pessimist. Just a little too sensitive. Hope you had a good day. I'm sending you a hug, Donna x