I have no one to turn to, and I'm feeling depressed

Posted , 7 users are following.

I feel like if I write this all down, and someone knows what is going on in my head, I may start to feel a bit better about things and come to some sort of resolution. To start with a few things, I have pretty severe depression, and in my first year of uni my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me, left me heartbroken, and I became a bit withdrawn. As a result of this, I didn’t end up making many close friends. I have girls to live with, who are lovely, but we’re not that close.   Fast forward to now, I’m a second year I rebounded from my boyfriend and ended up in a relationship. I’m not completely invested in this relationship (probably because it started as a rebound) and I know you’re probably going to say if I’m not 100% into it I should get out but here lies the problem. I don’t have friends at uni, he is one of the only people I hang out with, and if I didn’t have him there’s a strong chance I wouldn’t be here right now as he has literally come over so many times when I’ve been in a massive low and talked me out of doing stupid things. So he’s an absolute saint, which is going to make the rest of this sound horrible on my part.. During summer I went to a music festival with my home friends, and started falling for one of them. This friend told me that he really liked me, and would like to make a go of us. So I asked my boyfriend for a break, and was planning on breaking up with him once I had gone back to uni so that it’d be face to face. However, when I got back to uni, my mindset was worse than ever and I found myself self harming again. It was then I realised (really really selfishly) that I needed my boyfriend in university because if I didn’t have him I would have no one, and if I didn’t have anyone there was a high chance I would have harm myself perhaps fatally. So I was sort of happy just to go along the way that things were, and I told my friend that I was not interested (although I didn’t tell him I had got back with my boyfriend- I guess to preserve the friendship as I really needed all the friends I could get.) So now it’s Christmas break, and I’m home with my home friends. I had been looking forward to it for months, but now that I’m back I’m having the worst time in the world. I felt really isolated from the group, the friend who liked me and I liked has moved on, and the revision that I should be doing is not getting done. I called my best friend up to ask if we could hang out, as I didn’t want to be alone, and she said that because she used to have depression she was feeling too vunerable to be with someone who is in a depressed mood and we got into a massive argument. So now I am feeling trapped. I am in a relationship with someone who, although I love, I do not really want to be with. I am scared of leaving this relationship because now, as well as not having anyone at uni, I also have sort of lost everyone at home. And I’ve just been diagnosed with social anxiety so meeting people is not looking great for me. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Laura 

    I'm sorry to read all this and really feel for you . I used to do the same thing and just stay in a relationship for company and sympathy I think I was just co dependant and didn't want to be on my own. It's a real hard thing to cope with as fear creeps in when you start to think about what it would be like if you end the relationship. But it's just fear and fear is not real. I'm on my own now and have been for a long while and it's not as bad as I feared it to be I also suffer with social anxiety so I do understand how hard it must be for you. Things like coming in this forum are good because you can say what you like and people understand and won't judge you. Sorry if what I said is not very helpful but you have to make the decision yourself and do what you think is best for you. Please come on here again and talk to people we all care about each other and this forum has been very helpful to me and that's what it's all about. I hope everything works out ok for you and that you do what's best for yourself x

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much, just hearing that not alone in situations like this literally makes me feel ten times better. I'm glad that things are okay for you now, and I think everything will work out eventually it's just the current situation is a bit tricky!
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    • Posted

      I have a saying on my wall at work.

      ~~

      If you are depressed, you are living in the past.

      If you are anxious you are living in the future.

      If you are at peace you are living in the present.

      lao tzu

      ~~

      I've just moved to the other side of Sydney, on my own, at Christmas, living in a converted garage at $330 per week.

      Trying to sort all the things I needed to do, I got very anxious and wanted to stay where I was cause I had all these things to do, post redirect, accounts, mail box account, setup electricity, setup auto rent etc etc . . I write down stuff chaotically so always didn't have the right bit of paper when I went to post office to apply for PO box for example..

      (need a secretary)

      NOTE: Some of us are good at working out what should be done (else why are we depressed?) but not good at applying the steps we came up with. we NEED a mentor. For some thats Church, others it could be relatinoship, or a business partner. If we don't get this, we cannot do anything satisfactorily for ourselves?

      ..

      ONCE I wrote stuff on one sheet and left it stuck on the front door, things started being sorted out.

      I can describe the move like walking. I didn't know where my foot was going to land when I stepped out so got anxious, but now that it has landed, I can take the next step etc.

      The relationship is the same I believe. I walked away and don't contact my ex at all. I still miss her and moving was worse because of that BUT... I've go to stop looking at the past. The step was taken, I'm alone. SO what present am I going to enjoy instead of worrying about a future which could change, or a past which I can do NOTHING about.

      I don't watch the news as its all about the past. Done emotionally. but it is still something that you can do nothing about 95% of the time. this helps.

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  • Posted

    Walking analogy again.

    you think that your Boyfriend is the ground where you are stepping off to your next step? so you need him to go forward?

    If you don't have him, then you feel that you don't have any stability.

    Also, if you concentration is on HIM you are not going to be concentrating on yourself ie studies.

    1. Realise YOU wrote this forum topic, not your boyfriend, so YOU are an individual and so YOU are the ground not HIM. biggrin

    2. Base yourself around this - write a list of 'stuff' and see if you can tick off things - no pressure some stuff may need to come after others but you won't know that until you try.

    3. Study should be good as you will see a progression in yourself. but for me there is a big inertia in starting stuff like this. I save up for weeks then bomb a lot in one go. Don't panic if the stuff starts to build up again.

    Hope this helps!

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  • Posted

    Hi Laura. You've described your situation in good detail.

    It's clear that your under a lot of pressure with the various things going on in your life, and this is causing you to feel sad, lonely and depressed. Like many people on this forum, I can relate to your feelings. And I do hope things start to turn around for you soon.

    Obviously, I can't solve your problems - but I can offer a few suggestions. First: I'm a university lecturer (I tutor degree-level students), and I know how universities function. You need to inform your university that you're suffering from depression, and that you need some extra time - and support - with your studies. For the university to assist, it may require a letter from your doctor. So I advise you to see your GP and discuss your situation with them. They'll be able to inform your university - and you should no longer have to worry about revision, etc.

    Second. It's always difficult to meet new people, and start relationships. I do myself find meeting new people very difficult. And I'm simply no good at all trying to start relationships ... so I do understand your anxiety. But it seems that you can form new friendships, and that you can make new friends. Perhaps because you've got a 'main' friend at uni (your bf), so you've not taken the necessary steps to meet other people. And, in my experience, many uni students do start to lose contact with their former friends (whom they knew well back at home, prior to uni). So your situation is not uncommon in this regard.

    Third. The former semi-bf that you had at home has moved on. There's nothing you can do about that. You have a partner at uni, and you love him. But you're unsure whether you want to stay with him. I do think that, because your thoughts and feelings are somewhat unclear at the moment, right now is perhaps not the best time to make a lasting decision. Rather, take some time to consider your options. Do what you feel is right for you. If you decide that your partner is not the person you want to be with, then end the relationship. Don't stay with hi simply because he helped you thru a tough time. He was a good person in doing that - but you're not obligated to stay with him because of it. And if it's making you depressed and thinking of self-harm, then you really need to think about whether the relationship is in your best interests. If you break-up, I suspect that you'll probably be able to meet new people. It may take time, but I think it'll happen.

    Fourth. It's Christmas - and many people get depressed, or more depressed, at this time of year. You might be feeling especially down because of this. But hopefully your feelings will pass with time. Give it time.

    Fifth. Is there a problem with regard to your family? Are you unable to speak to them about your thoughts and feelings? Try to do so ... And arrange to see your GP - if you can't speak to anyone else, speak to your doctor. They may be able to arrange for you to see a mental health specialist.

    Finally ... take some deep breaths. Perhaps go for a walk. Try to relax. Do something to take your mind off everything. Say to yourself: I'm not going to think about that today.

    I do hope things change for you. Let us know how it goes.

     

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  • Posted

    I feel your pain I really do depression is such a horrible illness. I have been in same situations thinking I need to stay with a boyfriend cause they help you with your depression but if your not 100% sure you want to be with him it won't help in the long run...... I have stayed in relationships years longer than I should have because I'm scared of being on my own and lonley. You will meet new friends although it doesn't seem like it now, when you are in a depressive mood it seems as everything is impossible but you will not feel like this forever. I'm sitting on a train on my way to work now trying not to cry or panic when all I wanna do is die because I want this pain to stop. But I know deep down I will not feel like this forever. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Laura,

    I know it's been a year, but I just had to share my opinion. If you haven't already, cut that poor boy loose whom you've been seeing at the uni. It isn't fair to him to keep him around just because you are lonely. Being alone when you are heartbroken is scary, but worse still is breaking someone else's heart because of that. Honestly, you should not date anyone until you've de-toxed from your last relationship. Or at least be honest with them that you can't handle anything serious at the moment. That way well-intentioned boys will not take it personally when you ghost on them or something else. I'm currently in this grey area with a guy I was seeing whose ex-girlfriend interefered to the point that she needed some psychological help (with the agreement of her family). You don't want to be that girl, nor do you want to be women like me who are left feeling hurt that someone else ruined what could have been a nice relationship. Do the right thing. Don't hurt anyone else. It sucks to be alone but I've been alone and depressed a dozen times. Like now. It's best to keep things casual until you've gotten over your old flame.

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