I have Two-Sides

Yes, I have two sides: the one I am showing socially to everyone involved with me, my partner too, to the one I love; this side is happy, cheering, and loving. And the other side is dark, lonely, and a hell lot depressed. I got married, going against my family. Because my family didn't want a girl child, they treated me like trash. I am well educated, but, on this, I tried to care and lots of love. One day a guy who is currently my partner entered, and he showed me love and care; I married him. My family said after hearing this that I was dead for them. Now I feel all love & care from my partner once before marriage to show that he has changed; I can't find that person in him anymore. I used to have a list of what I wanted to do with him my whole life. It seems like it will go in the trash because I don't feel like doing anything because of his behavior. I feel shattered. I used to be like an open book, and suddenly the chapter of my book was closed without any end. I feel alone, and I feel like I shouldn't be alive. Every day there is thought while going to the office and coming back home that I shouldn't return, and I could go somewhere and die. I don't even have any friends because they judge me for getting married to a person "without letting them know" I have never found myself so negative, alone, and in anger. I feel dark inside, and it hurts so bad that sometimes I cannot breathe.

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