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I haven’t slept for a week. I feel hopeless and suicidal

Posted , 5 users are following.

Blackwolf
Blackwolf

this is not the first time this has happened, but probably the worst. The others times were due to extreme loneliness after being separated from real social contact for months, depression, jet lag, and being unable to function in school due to anxiety. This time was due to how I realized that all of my efforts may be futile, and that I have wasted my time on a barely achievable life goal... eventually being able to create a stunning animated series addressing deep topics. Ive put so much effort into gaining the skills, and for years, but I was blinded so much by childlike optimism. My life goal is what drove me towards life when I was suicidal... and now it has been completely shattered and i have nothing to hang on to. Thats how I lost sleep the first night... but as the days went by, the reason for my lack of sleep began to turn more into the panic of not being able to rest again. i would feel a rush of fight or flight when Im just drifting off and my awareness begins fading... My parents are not exactly helpful either. My mom acts as if this is supposed to teach me a lesson about being anxious since im now getting the "punishment" of no sleep, kind of like "that ought to teach you a lesson"... im gradually getting more suicidal, and when I mentioned this to my dad, he spoke as if threatening me, "do you want to be hospitalized again?" last two times I was hospitalized, I was both suicidal. I am a burden to all. That being said, I feel as if I often have no freedom to express myself within this home... I keep my emotions hidden, until I burst... and this happens. I cannot relax within this home. it is cursed. I am a prisoner here, unable to escape because im yet an incapable teenager. My mind is decaying slowly and I feel as if I've lost the ability to sleep.... end my suffering. Im currently on lexapro and taking melatonin and benedryl... still nothing at all. I have now gone a week with almost no sleep except one night and maybe a few minutes on three nights... please help me.

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • patient_mod2
    patient_mod2 Blackwolf

    Posted

    Hi Blackwolf

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologise for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    If you are based outside of the UK.

    The Samaritans is a UK based charity, but they also have suggestions for how you can access help in other countries.

    Please have a look at this page https://www.befrienders.org/directory

    Patient

    • derek76
      derek76 patient_mod2

      Posted

      As he talk about his "Mom" he is presumably in America. At the start of school holidays he will not be able to seek help from anyone there.

  • Mike-NZL
    Mike-NZL Blackwolf

    Posted

    Hi Blackwolf,

    Has your sleep improved? Going through similar

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