1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

I just don't know what to do with myself

Posted , 4 users are following.

Idont
Idont

Hello.I am a 16-year old girl who has been living for a year in germany. I go to one of the best high schools here, but I've just no idea how I could get decent grades in my own country, since I never really studied much. I've always kind of floated through life, avoiding responsibilities as much as possible and not participating much in class. I have no friends, or at least real ones, I feel. I feel kind of numb right now, sometimes on waves, it is like I am not here and nothing I do matters. I guess the reason behing me wanting to die is probably because I don't have a purpose in life and nothing really motivates me. I don't also quite feel like a normal person, everybody says I am too reserved. As a kid I didn't really speak much, nor do I now. I feel empty and purposless. I have problems with commitment, I have ALWAYS given up and also way too easily. I feel like I have never done anything in my life that deserves praise or just anything really. I feel kind of neutral.The biggest problem now is that I am just so irresponsible, I always procrastinate and don't study, even tho I have to, plus it is a new language that I am not good at. I feel like only watching videous all day and skipping school. I also am too late for my bus a lot and this creates problems. I feel like dying, mostly because of those reasons..I cannot get really angry or even cry these days, but it is only a mood thing, I don't believe I am depressed, only kind of sad. My mom says i only waste my time and am irresponsible. But I can't make myself care enough to change it! Right now I feel like crying, but I can't. I don't actually know how I feel. Do you have a name for it? Also, any suggestions, please.Like, i've obviously never exersised much responsibility, but ah, I don't really know if it is normal. Some days, maybe 2-3 times a week, I really feel like going and buying the sleep pills and saying good-bye to the world. I guess things could get better, but I can't seem to feel motivated about me and my future. Ah, I'm just so irresponsible. Things are kind of hopeless. So yeah..any ideas maybe?

1 like, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • borderriever
    borderriever Idont

    Posted

    If you++ are feeling suicidal, talk to the Samaritans or you can call the healthline NHS 111 and explain you are feeling at risk of suicide.

    At least you need to discuss your concerns with a GP you may need some CBT and coping techniques.

    One thing that can really help is to know what has caused your distress and low mood above. You GP can arrange a course of treatment that can help

    Let us know how you get on 

    BOB

     

    • Idont
      Idont borderriever

      Posted

      Yeah, I guess it is a lack of purpose and meaning, most of all. I feel like life is annoying, full of responsibilities I can never keep up with. I feel like there is no point to living sometimes. I used to believe in God, but then, how can we be completely sure, it is all just faith. I believe in nothing right now. All could be simply an illusion, don't you think? I mean, how do we know we really exist after all...

  • jessie09499
    jessie09499 Idont

    Posted

    Dear Idont,

    Pretend I am your best friend. Believe me when I tell you no 16 year old should feel like dying.

    What you are presenting with sounds like depression.

    I understand you are in a foreign country, but I would suggest you share how you feel with the first health care provider you can find. I am sure your school has someone for you to talk to, or maybe the people you are living with.Germany has an excellent health care system. You have listed a long list of self criticisms. This too is part of depression.

    Don't criticize yourself because you are not as active now or in the past, as others or even yourself think you should be. 

    Depression is an illness with no guilt attached to it.

    The numbness is a part of depression. It is most likely you trying to protect yourself from your feelings.

    Run, don't walk to the first responsible health care provider you can find.

    And keep posting.

    Jessie

     

  • borderriever
    borderriever Idont

    Posted

    We all go through the same when young, the meaning of life and I have com to the conclusion we never know why, when alive and everyone as they get older become less philosophical as we get older, as all we do is do our heads in trying to work it out.

    Like you I flunked my education and I was delivered a further googley when I was retired beause of ill health in 1988. Now I am sixty six and have accepted my lot and just carry on with my own education.

    All I can suggest is life can be one big exitement and we live through the bad to get to the welcome good. 

    I travelled when younger and that gave me my education and unsterstanding of lifes little queer questions that has really interested me up till now. So I will stick it out and await my curling toes and oaken box. Take life for what it is not for what you feel it should be.

    I still have a great deal too learn, only the Lord above can call me at the right time

    All the best

    BOB

  • spudpatel
    spudpatel Idont

    Posted

    You're 16 you've got a whole load of life ahead of you I left school with no qualifications , but have since qualified firstly as a chef and then at the age of 35 as an electrician, neither of these may seem like high achiever jobs but I've been happy in both and would not be concerned if I wanted to study something else. Try not to worry be yourself and friends will come to you.

    Best wishes Paul ( old and not very quilified)

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.