I just need a little help from my friends, i need to get by with a little help from my friends...

Posted , 11 users are following.

I've been writing on this wonderful and caring site on and off for almost a year now.

I "was" a teaching tennis pro 11 months ago. Then on Dec 11, 2014 i required major rotator cuff surgery on my shoulder. I did it in Dec intending to be back to work well before summer.

Midway through recovering, and for no reason at all (at least in my mind) arthritis just like a cancer hits my left hip and left knee. Bone on bone, pain and frustration has rocked my world since as I've been going to every type of doctor, shaman and medicineman trying to find a way out of the inevitable. At 59 yrs old, single and my 100 lb dog i love so i now have to face the reality of going through a hip replacement first next month, followed by a knee replacement 3-4 months later.

My life has taken a turn for the surreal. It'll be 3 major surgeries, one after the other, over a span of almost 2 years. I know...i know there's people in worse situations, soldiers on the front lines in the middle east....children starving around the world...i could go on and on. But I think i deserve the right to cry out a little bit.

I'm scared to death. I can't wrap my head around all that's going on. I wake up each night at 3am in a cold sweat scared, panicing and feeling alone.

When i was young

I never needed anyone

And making love was just for fun

Those days are gone.

Livin alone i think of all the friends I've known

Im sitting by the telephone

Nobody's home...

All of a sudden the lyrics to all the songs from the 70's are hitting so close to home.

I wish i paid attention.

Im soo afraid it's too late.

The only friends i get by with alittle help are cyber...

I don't wanna be

All by myself anymore

Im so scared.

4 likes, 16 replies

Report / Delete

16 Replies

  • Posted


    Don't be hard on yourself , I know only too well it is horrid and scary. I had two knee replacements within 6 months, even though I had seen patients after surgery I had no idea the pain and sheer discomfort would be so bad , debilitating and depressing - you think it is never going to go away.

    However, on a lighter note think about the positive side, I am 18 months on from my two ops and I can do anything walk run up the stairs etc , I am delighted - think to the future PLEASE!    God bless   Dr Malcolm

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Your reply to David gives me hope. I have my revision tomorrow  after 365 days of pain. I hope doing it on the exact same day 12 months later is not a bad omen, but as I seem to be "one of the few where it goes wrong" - I'm not holding my breath. Oh to walk up & down stairs & to run after my cheeky dogs who are expert thieves (I have to let them have what they pinch as I simply can't catch them).

      Hopefully this time - it will work!

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Of course you can "cry out a little bit" here on this forum! We all do it because life can get frustrating and complicated, and things often go south FAST with little warning!

    Dr. Malcolm said MANY very wise things, and I think that the best part he mentiobed was his OUTCOME! With the necessary surgeries you will gain body parts that WORK AGAIN, too!

    I am 64, two weeks post op from TKR #2. MY first TKR was on my other knee in June. Quite suddenly four years ago things went south for my KNEES. I think the trigger was the stress involved taking care of my 99 year old mother here at our home for two years. My husband's pheriphial neuropathy also began very bad during that time. It was a very crazy two years for us!

    Increasing pain sent me packing to my surgeon. I saw my X-RAYS, and KNEW that surgery was my only option.

    You mentioned that you were alone. That's OK. Our neighbor who recently lost her husband rehabbed at a local center following her hip replacement and was cared for by professionals who knew exactly how to get her back into her regular life again. She had in-house physical therapy twice a day, good food, others to commiserate with ( important!), and a safe environment to recover in until she was able to be literally back on her feet.

    As far as your dog goes, I'm sure there are kennels available for him to go to to be cared for while you are being cared for yourself.

    Sometimes it just takes looking at things from the END RESULT first...the eventual outcome like Dr. Malcolm said.

    The light is right there at the end of the tunnel. Envision it. Take it in. Really SEE it!

    You can do this, and we will be here WITH you!

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    David, you sound like a perfect candidate for an integrated medicine specialist, preferably an MD.  Don't have any experience with hip pain but have had right TKR.  Left was in same shape needing surgery.  The PT needed on right knee helped the left one, lost 40 pounds, took prescribed supplements, changed diet, etc.  Left knee no longer causes enough problems to consider surgery.  If you do have to have surgery, all these things would put you in better physical condition for a quicker easier recovery.  First, see if you can get a referal for a long round of the property exercises to build certain muscles.  You're still young enough to get through this without a fair amount of ease.  Good luck to you.


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi David,

    You gave me a very needed reality check last May when I was 11 weeks post op bilateral TKR. At the time, I was in a lot of pain, feeling very sorry for myself. You called me on it....I needed it then. My turn to return the favor. First of all, though everything is not 100%, my life is pretty normal now. My every thought is not dominated by my knees.....working, living, etc.

    it's now your turn to take care of yourself. You will get through this. It's good that the hip is first. Time really helps get us through and so does this blog. All of our lives have changed a lot, as we've gone through these surgeries. Try to be positive, please reread what you wrote to me, it really helped

    Take care


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    hi david i know its been rough for the  last few years  ..ive also had 3 major surgeries in a 1 1/2 ,it takes its toll on you !!!! ,if its any help the hip surgery is alot easier than the knee my husband had his hip surgery and in 4 wks was back driving ,he didnt need crutches after two wks and thank god it was totaly sucessfull . the recovery from hip is shorter because the implant is a ball socket where the knee is a hinge and therefore much harder to recover .as for support from friends that can be difficult ,some people have great support from family and friends and they are there for them from the start and keep up the contact  its wonderfull if that happens ,but people can get fed up with calling and visiting and think you have had your op now the sympathy is over get on with it .this has happened to me  i can understand for them they feel its not ending ,but for us unfortunitly its taking much longer than we hoped it would .i myself have lost all my friends because of these ops ,i rarely see any of them .im lucky my husband is great and we are very close ,thank god ..even my grown up children dont ask how i am  anymore. but you will learn to cope and change your life im now more independant  so its life changing i suppose you have to re invent yourself i myself found now that i can go to the gym and also im able to mind my grandchild a few days a week  life is getting better i now think that those people that i thought were my friends were really not friends at all . i feel for you david you will get through this we are all here for you .there is one person you can rely on its yourself so be strong you will recover and i wish you the best of luck with the ops
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi David

    Yes, it is tough going through these things on your own.  And so much more prep to be done at home beforehand too.  I've had 3 years of knees...with the last year being almost a total write-off following my left TKR.  We quite often don't realise what we have until it's gone!

    Like you, my online friends have been a God-send, but I also have some good friends who I've met locally through choir and a French class.  They have been brilliant at running me to the hospital...and Physio appointments.  I only have my Dad (and a cousin who lives a couple of hours away), so without those friends I'd be lost.  I also don't live near anyone I work with, as we cover, and live in, our geographical patches.  Just texts and calls from those people mean a lot, though, and let you know that you haven't been forgotten.

    Please don't be scared...you will come out the other side.  And life will be better in time again.

    Make sure you catch up with someone that you haven't see or heard from for a while.  It's worth the effort.


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi David

    I can really relate to your comments! I just turned 64, had left tkr 10 wks ago, and still struggling. Single, with 2 grown sons who are wonderful, but have their own lives to live. I work, but wishing I could retire - need to wait 2 years yet- but probably a good thing as it gets me out.

    Yes, I feel like my life has been turned upside down. I know I will have to have tkr on right, and most likely 2 hip replacements too.

    Arthritis is an insideous disease that doesn't get the attention it deserves!

    But, we are all here for each other and there is comfort in knowing we aren't alone.

    Amazing how so many songs of the 60s and 70s speak to our lives.

    Hang in there, one day at a time!

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    You have a good cry nothing to be ashamed of arthritis hurts ! Once you have had your surgery yes you will be in pain but you will get medication for that and probably constipation to go with it. Don't rush your recovery it will be a slog but the arthritis will be gone and everyday will be an improvement - good luck keep in touch and remember you are not alone you have us
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thank you Peg.But the crying has now morphed into nightfrights.

      Just when i finally get my conscious mind to sleep the demons of the subconscious darkness come calling...usually around 3am waking me into a cold wet sweaty fright...

      All the "what if's," and "what abouts," destroy my sleep which was so difficult to attain to begin with;

      What about $$...

      What if insurance doesn't pay...

      What about my dog...

      What if it storms snow 10' deep...

      What if i wake in the night and need help...

      What if this...

      What about that...

      Believe me the list goes on and on...and just when you find one day that the list from the night before will all be taken care of, the next evening the mind makes a brand new list of just as many new concerns!

      It's never ending. Its catastrophying on steroids!

      I feel so alone. I know you guys are all out there in cyberland...and i even have a friend or two in humankind. But i don't have that ONE special person who'll be there at 2am or 2pm with a hug or a glass of juice or simply a heart of love.

      I want to be independent, I'm only in my 50's, I so love my dog. I don't want her sent away anywhere. I want to be able to care for myself and even be someone else's hero.

      But here i find myself seemingly humbled to the point where i have to admit...i need love, i need caring...i need my own hero :'(

      Oh i wish i had a miracle. Id worship that person for the rest of my life...and that's NO foxhole prayer!


      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Maybe you should try a dating website, too!

      It certainly helped me up to and through my surgery...and, yes, I did meet someone who, bless him, has only ever seen me limp (as I mentioned before, this last year has been a nightmare with my left TKR).

      the only drawback is that he lives over 100 miles away and doesn't drive, so he's not been able to help me with transport to appts, etc.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Interesting you say that Patti...i was thinking the same. But for a man Patti its different.

      There's nothing attractive about a man who's not working because he needs a hip then followed by a knee replacement.

      No one would be interested!

      A woman is different. And I'm sure you understand why.

      So i go on suffering...

      But thank you for thinking of me!

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up