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I've been writing on this wonderful and caring site on and off for almost a year now.
I "was" a teaching tennis pro 11 months ago. Then on Dec 11, 2014 i required major rotator cuff surgery on my shoulder. I did it in Dec intending to be back to work well before summer.
Midway through recovering, and for no reason at all (at least in my mind) arthritis just like a cancer hits my left hip and left knee. Bone on bone, pain and frustration has rocked my world since as I've been going to every type of doctor, shaman and medicineman trying to find a way out of the inevitable. At 59 yrs old, single and my 100 lb dog i love so i now have to face the reality of going through a hip replacement first next month, followed by a knee replacement 3-4 months later.
My life has taken a turn for the surreal. It'll be 3 major surgeries, one after the other, over a span of almost 2 years. I know...i know there's people in worse situations, soldiers on the front lines in the middle east....children starving around the world...i could go on and on. But I think i deserve the right to cry out a little bit.
I'm scared to death. I can't wrap my head around all that's going on. I wake up each night at 3am in a cold sweat scared, panicing and feeling alone.
When i was young
I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun
Those days are gone.
Livin alone i think of all the friends I've known
Im sitting by the telephone
All of a sudden the lyrics to all the songs from the 70's are hitting so close to home.
I wish i paid attention.
Im soo afraid it's too late.
The only friends i get by with alittle help are cyber...
I don't wanna be
All by myself anymore
Im so scared.
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