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I've never done this before so new to this whole concept, but I've been going through quite a tough time in the past 5 months and just now need some help so I ask that you have patient when reading this I just need advice from other people. This all started because of a guy who I'd be going out with for a year and a half and then things just ended, he meant the world to me and it made me so unhappy when it all ended. But then time after time he came back putting things in my head which he knew I'd fall for, and it led to much worse places. The first time this happened I nearly lost all of my friends I stopped eating, I started to self harm, and just was at such a low point I couldn't see anyway forward expect to end it all and it seemed that everyone would have been better off. These suicidal thoughts scared me so much, but eventually I started to get a little better. Until it happened for the second and third time, and now I have lost all of my friends for good. They all don't want anything I do with me and this guy just played me off. I've been delusional in this whole situation believing everything I hear. Yet I've been here so many times I feel I'm just going round in circles constantly and always being the one at the bottom of the pit, left by myself, with no one.
I've hit a very low point, I don't have energy to carry on with this life like this. I feel I've been in the position too many times now, the fact that I probably do it to myself is what makes it worse. My friends have said that I do, I haven't got any of them now, I don't want to lose them but it's too late and now I'm scared. I'm scared of what's going to happen, I have a tendency to over think things a lot and then panic myself even more over hypothetical situations which haven't even happened. I'm terrified of this. I've got scars reminding me everyday how horrific I've felt for these past few months and now I don't know what to do. I isolate myself at times like that this because for me it seems better than facing the truth, but now I feel alone and I can't trust anyone or just even talk to anyone because no one wants to hear. I do not have the energy to go through what I've felt in the past, I can't do it all again I am not a strong enough person to pick myself back up I just can't do it.
I need help, from anyone who is willing to listen I just don't know what to do with myself and I have so many negative thoughts I'm genuinely terrified.
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