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I just need to get some thoughts out of my head.

Posted , 5 users are following.

Rexxie
Rexxie

I want to preface this with the fact that I know i will not act on any of my suicidal thoughts or intrusive thoughts, I'm terrified of death, and don't neccesarily want to die but i have intrusive thoughts of killing myself and other similar situations.

i also have severe anxiety and i was medicated for it, but had an issue with my doctor and now had to stop my medication straight up.

To be fair i dont think the medicine was working in a lot of areas, but one thing that i noticed that went away during and restarted after was feeling like i was going to die soon.

its not even suicidal.

its just like i dont feel like i will live much longer. its not even a panic, scares me a little and doesnt feel like im actively dying it just... feels like i wont be here much longer, and its getting harder and harder to deal with.

i have a consultation with a new doctor soon but im not sure if new anxiety medication will help with the depression. one i had made my depression 10x worse , but my anxiety was calmed, the other... well still left me struggling to even be around people, made it hard to remember anythng small, i was forgetting conversations, parts of shows, etc.

now that im off of it my anxious tics have gotten worse, my depression has escalated, and i cant control my anxiety very well like i could before starting medication.

im so tired of this and i dont really want to go through the evening out portion again, i dont even feel like im going to make it to my appointment. im starting to feel lost, i have people to talk to but it doesnt feel like they actually understand whats going through my head and when i try to explain it i cant find the right words.

guys im just so tired and i dont know what else to do with myself while i wait for this appointment. im currently visiting family and trying not to show that side because its unpleasant and angry and constantly freaking out, but i dont know how ling i can keep that under wraps. i lost a promotion at my job because of this, and people keep asking me and its making my mindset worse.

thanks for reading my rambling if you do, you dont nneed to respond , i just needed to get this out of ny head.

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • jan34534
    jan34534 Rexxie

    Edited

    sounds like what you are going through is pretty severe and what you really need right now is support through a therapist or counselor. It’s just too hard to do on your own. you need regular weekly or biweekly appointments consistently.

    the medication for depression and anxiety take 4 to 6 weeks to really make a difference. A lot of people feel worse in the first couple of weeks but in general it eases off after that.I do hope you feel better soon. Take care

    • Rexxie
      Rexxie jan34534

      Posted

      thank you, i did have a medication for awhile but was abruptly taken off of it, im debating therapy again soon but its taking me awhile to convince myself to go. i had a bad experience with therapy that made me nervous to go again.

      I'm not excited about the wait time for the medicine to start working again once i get back on it. but i know i'll get through it its just a feeling like i just don't ... want to. but thats a constant feeling with everything i do so im trying to push through it.

      im sorry i have a habit of rambling

      thanks for the advice and thanks for the well wishes

  • rudaiya78417
    rudaiya78417 Rexxie

    Posted

    I have been feeling the same. It's really not pleasant and I would do anything to avoid all these worries.

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